When I was a little girl my Grandmothers would sit me down and make me watch them as they prepared a multitude of dishes.
One Grandmother was a poor city woman of Polish decent, my Grandfather was a Swedish/Russian and her best friend was an Italian immigrant. In her house the cuisine was obviously Polish, Swedish, Italian and lots of roasts.
My other Grandmother was a typical midwestern woman. A country cook with a ham hanging in her pantry. She made her own jams and canned everything she could from her overflowing garden. She made biscuits and gravies, milk and redeye.
Easter is coming up and in my house and I hold the tradition of what we fondly like to call…
PORK FEST.
I stick to my Polish Grandmothers ways and don a babushka and an apron channeling all old Polish women ways.
I have updated and changed my Grandmothers menu a bit but it consists of…
Ham, Deviled Eggs, Kielbasa, Kapusta, Raisin bread, Perogies, Pea Salad and always, Olives and Pickles.
The trickiest part of this whole effort is the Raisin Bread. It is a thorn in the sides of her decedents.
As with most home cooks we don’t measure a damn thing, we just KNOW.
Well, this isn’t working.
Note…my other Grandmother would make biscuits and use a…as she described it, “An egg size dollop of shortening.”
Every year I make this Raisin Bread, every year one loaf always comes out raw in the middle.
This year I am starting early and I will get it right.
I started this morning.
Raisin Bread
In a sauce pan
1C skim milk
1/2C heavy Cream
1 C sugar
2tsp salt
1/2 C shortening (I used butter flavored)
Heat to a rolling boil
Add 2 Cups of Raisin to liquid and let cool, about 45 min. You want the raisins to pulp up.
Dissolve 2 packs of yeast (or 4 1/2 tsp) in 1/4 of very hot water.
To cool liquid add
Dissolved yeast
4 beaten eggs
2 C flour
Beat well with a spoon
In a large bowl
Add beaten mixture
and add
4 C flour
This is where it gets tricky.
I’m not afraid of yeast, altitude or humidity
…but I must take in these to consideration.
Add your flour slowly
If you live in a humid area, you need more, up here where I live at around 6000 feet above sea level were even our snow is dry and can be swept from our driveways…I need less.
Mix it till it comes together ish
On a floured surface kneed dough for about 4 to 5 min.
To kneed dough fold in half using the heel of your palm and turning it a quarter each time until its combined and well, doughy.
Put it in a large butter coated bowl, cover with a warm wet towel and put it in the oven. Make sure oven is off. Turn on the light in the oven. Let it rise in the oven for about 2 hours or until doubled in size.
Dump out on floured surface and cut into thirds, or halves.
This most fabulous recipe is a crap shoot but worth it.
You see this same recipe I have made into 2 loaves and sometimes 3, depending on the year.
Form in to a loaf and add to floured pans.
Let rise in the oven for about an hour.
Remove from the oven and turn the oven on
To 350.
Bake for 30 min…or until when thumped with your finger you hear a hollow sound. (Yes, this is how it was taught to me.)
If you try it, let me know how it comes out.
As for me My dough is in the oven rising as I type….and I will let ya know how it turned out…I’m sure one raw, one cooked as always and I will sit there and eat around the raw bits, just like every year.
Monday, March 28, 2011
Sunday, March 27, 2011
Texting and Dating
I logged on to Plenty Of Fish yesterday for the first time in days. Not to look or search but to read messages. Hopefully to gather fodder for this ridiculous blog of mine.
As soon as I log on I get instant messaged by someguy freak. He wants to know when the last time I...
…”You know…”
What the fuck!?!
I’m mortified. I can’t log off fast enough.
I don’t want to meet anyone on-line.
I really want to delete myself from the site.
I think I have enough blog material with out it!
Dating is something I would like to do, but NOT this way.
…and I would rather go dateless than put myself on parade.
I need to figure out how to though. Posting a naked pic of myself is out and that’s the only way I can think of to do it.
Maybe I’m old fashioned. Don’t laugh at that…I could be old fashioned. If independent, opinionated, Wiccan women could be considered old fashioned. I guess I would be VERY, VERY old fashioned, like that of the time when the Oracle of Delphi was thought to be powerful and respected.
When it comes to Men…I am a bit old fashioned. I would like them to take the reins….old school.
I’ve blogged and blogged about relationships/Men and Women and it seems I always have something to say.
I’m NEVER sure of a Man’s intentions with me…I like to give them the benefit of the doubt. Although my Oracle-ness does give me a heads up…I just ignore it to often.
Now that I have finished rambling on and on about things…
On to my topic of the day…
Texting…
As a single person in 2011 texting is prevalent. Calling is almost unheard of.
I like texting, no one can hear me yell at my children. I would however love a call once in awhile.
Sometimes my single girlfriends and I are at a bit of a loss...
When DO you text a man?
We are not desperate Women. Some of us are actively looking for a relationship, some are not…ok, who isn’t looking for a relationship? If one fell into our lap, I think we would take it…to include me. There are a lot of stars that must align before I will enter into a relationship though.
2011...
The 3 day rule is out and over rated as far as I’m concerned. A ridiculous memento of the '90’s.
If you think there are rules you are severely mistaken.
….Is that what’s wrong with me? That I don’t play by the rules and the only game I like to play is Angry Birds?
Do you text a man that you like everyday?
Every other day?
Just text him back after he texts you?
I wonder what Men think…are they left in the same predicament we Women are?
The…
…”I don’t know what I’m doing.’
…”I don’t want her to think I’m desperate.”
If I’m interested in a man…
I’ll text him whenever I desire.
In the back of my mind though….
... I don’t want to get in their way. (This is with ALL my friends, male and female…I do not want to seem a bother.)
They might be busy.
I don’t have a some fabulous social life.
Yes, it’s a fun life filled with my girl friends and me doing comical things, or heading to the pool with my Children…but as far as Men are concerned, it’s a quiet life.
I would like a monogamous relationship with a non misogynist that doesn’t mind me texting random shit through out the day…and understands I am an old fashioned Wiccan Woman.
I will text till my heart desires….with fervor.
I have decided, just like that.
…and on-line dating…I’m to old fashioned for that shit. I would rather be single forever.
As soon as I log on I get instant messaged by some
…”You know…”
What the fuck!?!
I’m mortified. I can’t log off fast enough.
I don’t want to meet anyone on-line.
I really want to delete myself from the site.
I think I have enough blog material with out it!
Dating is something I would like to do, but NOT this way.
…and I would rather go dateless than put myself on parade.
I need to figure out how to though. Posting a naked pic of myself is out and that’s the only way I can think of to do it.
Maybe I’m old fashioned. Don’t laugh at that…I could be old fashioned. If independent, opinionated, Wiccan women could be considered old fashioned. I guess I would be VERY, VERY old fashioned, like that of the time when the Oracle of Delphi was thought to be powerful and respected.
When it comes to Men…I am a bit old fashioned. I would like them to take the reins….old school.
I’ve blogged and blogged about relationships/Men and Women and it seems I always have something to say.
I’m NEVER sure of a Man’s intentions with me…I like to give them the benefit of the doubt. Although my Oracle-ness does give me a heads up…I just ignore it to often.
Now that I have finished rambling on and on about things…
On to my topic of the day…
Texting…
As a single person in 2011 texting is prevalent. Calling is almost unheard of.
I like texting, no one can hear me yell at my children. I would however love a call once in awhile.
Sometimes my single girlfriends and I are at a bit of a loss...
When DO you text a man?
We are not desperate Women. Some of us are actively looking for a relationship, some are not…ok, who isn’t looking for a relationship? If one fell into our lap, I think we would take it…to include me. There are a lot of stars that must align before I will enter into a relationship though.
2011...
The 3 day rule is out and over rated as far as I’m concerned. A ridiculous memento of the '90’s.
If you think there are rules you are severely mistaken.
….Is that what’s wrong with me? That I don’t play by the rules and the only game I like to play is Angry Birds?
Do you text a man that you like everyday?
Every other day?
Just text him back after he texts you?
I wonder what Men think…are they left in the same predicament we Women are?
The…
…”I don’t know what I’m doing.’
…”I don’t want her to think I’m desperate.”
If I’m interested in a man…
I’ll text him whenever I desire.
In the back of my mind though….
... I don’t want to get in their way. (This is with ALL my friends, male and female…I do not want to seem a bother.)
They might be busy.
I don’t have a some fabulous social life.
Yes, it’s a fun life filled with my girl friends and me doing comical things, or heading to the pool with my Children…but as far as Men are concerned, it’s a quiet life.
I would like a monogamous relationship with a non misogynist that doesn’t mind me texting random shit through out the day…and understands I am an old fashioned Wiccan Woman.
I will text till my heart desires….with fervor.
I have decided, just like that.
…and on-line dating…I’m to old fashioned for that shit. I would rather be single forever.
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
My Advice per Sun Tzu.
In war, let your object be victory, not a lengthy campaign.
-Sun Tzu
Yes, I have read the 'Art of War’…awhile ago and again several months ago. It’s the kind of book you can read several times and that everyone should read.
Periodically in our lives war shows up at our door step. Whether you are in the military or not. Whether you are Dove or a Hawk.
I’ve blogged about some of this before but I’m gonna repeat myself.
My life has been encompassed by war since I was a child.
Living in the Middle East for years, to include the start of the Iran/Iraq war where we had men with weapons on top our building.
The destruction of the house I lived in as a child by mortar shells in Liberia. (I was NOT in it…it was years later). Friends of the family 'missing', never to be seen again.
My Father being gone for a year when we went into Kuwait.
The loss of friends over the years...in Khobar Towers, Afghanistan, Iraq…and countries that aren’t even on the radar.
War matters to me.
If you read my "Freedom Isn’t Free" blog you know I’m a bit of a Hawk…I’m also a Dove.
I understand the price of War.
I have never served or fought in one.
We started enforcing the No Fly zone over Libya a several days ago…This I recommended.
Now, I don’t know which World Leaders read my shit…Hahhaaaaa!!! I’m kiddin’.
…but I have more advice for you.
In battle use a direct attack to engage. An indirect attack to win.
The No Fly zone is there so that the People of Libya have a chance to fight for THEIR freedom.
He will win who has the Military capacity and is not interfered with by the Sovereign.
Let the Generals, Admirals, Colonels, Chiefs and such BE in charge. Do not second guess them. Napoleon and Eisenhower were left in charge…
Do not be a pico leader.
The consummate leader cultivates the moral law...
Please use as much PROPAGANDA as you can. They will.
This no fly zone gives the people of Libya/Freedom fighters the ability to do this.
And if we are able thus to attack an inferior force with a superior one, our opponents will be in dire straits.
As long as there is no fraction we can do this.
Also please take a note from the Caesar’s of Ancient Rome...
The surrounding countries DO support this action. They just have to pretend they don’t (they themselves have a shit load of problems in their own back yard)…do not be swayed!
This is gonna be a hard win. The forces backing Qaddafi have nothing to loose but their lives…it’s a Fight or Die situation for them.
You don’t have to tell the People everything. Screw um’.
Realize they, the Libyan people might really fuck it up but know we gave them a chance.
Islamic extremist are already there…waiting to take the reins.
-Sun Tzu
Yes, I have read the 'Art of War’…awhile ago and again several months ago. It’s the kind of book you can read several times and that everyone should read.
Periodically in our lives war shows up at our door step. Whether you are in the military or not. Whether you are Dove or a Hawk.
I’ve blogged about some of this before but I’m gonna repeat myself.
My life has been encompassed by war since I was a child.
Living in the Middle East for years, to include the start of the Iran/Iraq war where we had men with weapons on top our building.
The destruction of the house I lived in as a child by mortar shells in Liberia. (I was NOT in it…it was years later). Friends of the family 'missing', never to be seen again.
My Father being gone for a year when we went into Kuwait.
The loss of friends over the years...in Khobar Towers, Afghanistan, Iraq…and countries that aren’t even on the radar.
War matters to me.
If you read my "Freedom Isn’t Free" blog you know I’m a bit of a Hawk…I’m also a Dove.
I understand the price of War.
I have never served or fought in one.
We started enforcing the No Fly zone over Libya a several days ago…This I recommended.
Now, I don’t know which World Leaders read my shit…Hahhaaaaa!!! I’m kiddin’.
…but I have more advice for you.
In battle use a direct attack to engage. An indirect attack to win.
The No Fly zone is there so that the People of Libya have a chance to fight for THEIR freedom.
He will win who has the Military capacity and is not interfered with by the Sovereign.
Let the Generals, Admirals, Colonels, Chiefs and such BE in charge. Do not second guess them. Napoleon and Eisenhower were left in charge…
Do not be a pico leader.
The consummate leader cultivates the moral law...
Please use as much PROPAGANDA as you can. They will.
This is how Qaddafi will do it…He will kill his own people and scatter their bodies around where we have hit them. Sorry my extreme Liberal friends, yes, this IS how it works.
The Libyans WILL see this and it will make them fight. The rest of the world will not believe it. It happens though.
The onrush of a conquering force is like the bursting of pent up waters in to a chasm a thousand fathoms deep.
Bomb the living shit out of them…from above.
You can be sure of succeeding in your attacks if you only attack places which are undefended.
This no fly zone gives the people of Libya/Freedom fighters the ability to do this.
And if we are able thus to attack an inferior force with a superior one, our opponents will be in dire straits.
As long as there is no fraction we can do this.
Also please take a note from the Caesar’s of Ancient Rome...
Qaddafi should be taken out, rubbed out…whatever you wanna call it. I wouldn’t call it assassination, just cleansing the earth of a maniacal ruthless leader jackass…You must completely destroy the family…or they will rise again.
(Cold and calculated, it is a must…and then deny we had anything to do with it.)
The surrounding countries DO support this action. They just have to pretend they don’t (they themselves have a shit load of problems in their own back yard)…do not be swayed!
This is gonna be a hard win. The forces backing Qaddafi have nothing to loose but their lives…it’s a Fight or Die situation for them.
You don’t have to tell the People everything. Screw um’.
Realize they, the Libyan people might really fuck it up but know we gave them a chance.
Islamic extremist are already there…waiting to take the reins.
My not so sage and uneducated advice.
Inshallah
Saturday, March 19, 2011
I Can’t Make My Life Up.
The strange occurrences, and coincidences in my life have me reeling and bent over laughing from confusion and just plain ol’ down right…
Thursday/Friday this is what happened…I have to go backwards…and back in time too.
I’ll start with Friday morning.
Friday I turn on the news and the weather man on my local channel is staring back at me…Holy Crap...It’s my friend and favorite bartender who I thought had stopped that gig, he’s filling in.
I have to attend my Children’s assemblies…Holy Crap…In walks one of my Gym Guy friends…I didn’t know his son went to the same school as my Children?
(Normal…lets get to the abnormal now.)
My experiment with on line dating went awry. I met this really nice guy. No, seriously, NICE. He had nothing to offer me but, niceness. He’s good looking’, sweet, can hold a conversation…there are a few things that are bit difficult for me to take but I figure I can deal…he has a serious case of adHd…Capital HHHHHHHH.
Whatever. I know I’m a lot to handle and I think maybe he can handle me…
And yes, I will blog about it because I can’t make my life up. It’s fucked up fun and this planet is a small one…as is this town I live in, the second largest city in Colorado…and I just found out how small it really is.
Ok...I meet this guy on line, we click, we click well. I give him the low down on me and he seems to get it…I’m tough to take and I live out loud on-line….although we know I have to edit.
I call F3 who has since moved to fill her in on some stuff happen’ and I really miss her. I tell her about this on-line guy. I describe him and she asks me his last name…and HOLY SHIT…she tells me…
F4…”OMG, F10 totally went out with him and really liked him. He just stopped calling her…yada,yada, yada…”
Me…”Fuck! I can’t do this. I have to break it off with him.”
My friends are everything to me. I will not hurt one, on purpose, ever. I didn’t know they had dated…(more to this but I need to edit)
I hadn’t decided yet if I wanted this to be exclusive anyway…but I was pretty sure he liked me way to much and I was going to destroy and crush him.
This was sadly easy for me to do. To shut off all emotions for someone. Dude like tendencies are awesome to have in this situation. I also think there was a reason, deep down inside this was easy for me…as always something was missing and my soul is an empty abyss. Ok, it’s really not.
Now we must travel back in time….To St. Patricks 2010.
The best Wednesday ever. The girls and I head downtown on a whimin the middle of the day at 11:00am to celebrate at an Irish bar. I meet this adorable guy, lets call him Super C. He’s getting divorced, nothing final yet…we take pictures together, whoop it up have a great time...and I leave.
Fast forward to September 11th 2010…I’m out with the girls in a crowded bar. Someone slipped me a roofie. I have rules, I go home with who I came with. This strange occurrence that you hear about actually happened to me. I don’t know what happened it was like that Movie “The Hangover”…I was the star…but I didn’t get to see it.
I gathered as much information as I could from other people and my memory of events…
My memory...
I’m at a bar downtown, it’s really crowded.
I wake up the next morning in F11’s bed.
What I have gathered from others…
F10 and F11 are chilling and I am chatting with someone.
5 Min. later, they can’t find me.
They look all over for me. I’m nowhere to be found.
F11 gets a call from me around 12ish.
The Police it seems have picked me…
(I had called a friend of mine the next day who’s husband is a police officer to see if he could find out who had picked me…to no avail.)
F11 comes to pick me up and she brings me to her house.
I heard that I was saying…
Me…”Wow, he’s a really cute cop. I think he likes me.”
F11…”Be quiet and just get in the car.”
No, I didn’t get arrested. I have never been arrested and don’t want to be.
…I found out this Thursday, St. Patricks day…while F1, F2 and I were whooping’ it up again downtown in the middle of the day…and who do we see as soon as we walk in Super C!
…and I live in a really SMALL town.
…”HOLY SHIT! I can’t not believe this IS happening!”
Thursday/Friday this is what happened…I have to go backwards…and back in time too.
I’ll start with Friday morning.
Friday I turn on the news and the weather man on my local channel is staring back at me…Holy Crap...It’s my friend and favorite bartender who I thought had stopped that gig, he’s filling in.
I have to attend my Children’s assemblies…Holy Crap…In walks one of my Gym Guy friends…I didn’t know his son went to the same school as my Children?
(Normal…lets get to the abnormal now.)
My experiment with on line dating went awry. I met this really nice guy. No, seriously, NICE. He had nothing to offer me but, niceness. He’s good looking’, sweet, can hold a conversation…there are a few things that are bit difficult for me to take but I figure I can deal…he has a serious case of adHd…Capital HHHHHHHH.
Whatever. I know I’m a lot to handle and I think maybe he can handle me…
And yes, I will blog about it because I can’t make my life up. It’s fucked up fun and this planet is a small one…as is this town I live in, the second largest city in Colorado…and I just found out how small it really is.
Ok...I meet this guy on line, we click, we click well. I give him the low down on me and he seems to get it…I’m tough to take and I live out loud on-line….although we know I have to edit.
I call F3 who has since moved to fill her in on some stuff happen’ and I really miss her. I tell her about this on-line guy. I describe him and she asks me his last name…and HOLY SHIT…she tells me…
F4…”OMG, F10 totally went out with him and really liked him. He just stopped calling her…yada,yada, yada…”
Me…”Fuck! I can’t do this. I have to break it off with him.”
My friends are everything to me. I will not hurt one, on purpose, ever. I didn’t know they had dated…(more to this but I need to edit)
I hadn’t decided yet if I wanted this to be exclusive anyway…but I was pretty sure he liked me way to much and I was going to destroy and crush him.
This was sadly easy for me to do. To shut off all emotions for someone. Dude like tendencies are awesome to have in this situation. I also think there was a reason, deep down inside this was easy for me…as always something was missing and my soul is an empty abyss. Ok, it’s really not.
Now we must travel back in time….To St. Patricks 2010.The best Wednesday ever. The girls and I head downtown on a whim
Fast forward to September 11th 2010…I’m out with the girls in a crowded bar. Someone slipped me a roofie. I have rules, I go home with who I came with. This strange occurrence that you hear about actually happened to me. I don’t know what happened it was like that Movie “The Hangover”…I was the star…but I didn’t get to see it.
I gathered as much information as I could from other people and my memory of events…
My memory...
I’m at a bar downtown, it’s really crowded.
I wake up the next morning in F11’s bed.
What I have gathered from others…
F10 and F11 are chilling and I am chatting with someone.
5 Min. later, they can’t find me.
They look all over for me. I’m nowhere to be found.
F11 gets a call from me around 12ish.
The Police it seems have picked me…
(I had called a friend of mine the next day who’s husband is a police officer to see if he could find out who had picked me…to no avail.)
F11 comes to pick me up and she brings me to her house.
I heard that I was saying…
Me…”Wow, he’s a really cute cop. I think he likes me.”
F11…”Be quiet and just get in the car.”
No, I didn’t get arrested. I have never been arrested and don’t want to be.
We start talking...
…It was Super C that had picked me up…and had remembered me. He’s a Police Officer.
He’s now divorced.
He’s still adorable.
He has seen me at my worst…
He want’s my number.
Oh, I give him my number!
We had lunch yesterday.
Only a handful of my friends knew that I had been roofied. It was something I wasn’t really excited about…I’m sure you can imagine. I don’t think I was taken advantage of. I was found in tack if you will.
I told one of my Brothers last night. I hadn’t told ANYONE in my family. I didn’t want them to worry.
…and I live in a really SMALL town.
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
Ask me…PLEASE!!!!
(you might have to get off your ass and FOLLOW me, I know you read it, I get STATS)
I’m full of opinions, if you haven’t noticed…and I have a Stooooopid amount of info in my brain and life experiences.
Do you need advice?…….for a friend?
I will help you….kinda like Dear Abby but Dear Kristin on crack, sans the crack…
Humor me…I’ll humor you!
Start with…
Dear Kristin on crack, sans the crack, I have a friend who____________. How do you thing she/he can rectify this issue/problem?
Don’t ask me shit about me. I have way to many secrets. If you do I will totally lie! (That might be fun too…Mata Hari baby!!!!)
P.s
Thank you, Tracy.
Saturday, March 12, 2011
On-Line dating Is Like a Garage Sale
I have just decided that On-Line dating is like going to a garage sale.
The serious people show up early. Waking you from your slumber…knocking on your door curious about your ‘wears’.
There is one difference I can think of.
Shopper settings…
I was able to change my settings on Plenty Of Fish so if people are looking for an “Intimate Encounter” or if they were “Married” they could not contact me.
There was no “creepy or whack job” setting, sadly.
You can’t put on your garage sale sign, “No jackasses please!"
If you have been to a garage sale and had a look around at all the people there you will see a variable plethora, from the pirate to the princess…just like if you are looking at all the stuff strewn across tables in a driveway you will find all sorts of goods.
The teddy bear that was once loved and someone grew tired of, or grew up and didn’t want it any more.
The cracked tea pot that once held water, now just drips tears because someone didn’t care for it.
The tattered carpet, that someone walked all over.
The rusty gas grill, that was up graded and replaced with a newer shinier model.
The set of dishes, that was bought when someone was young, because they didn’t know what they really wanted and just wanted something to have their dinner with.
Then there are the hidden treasures one hopes to find.
The Picasso that someone didn’t realize the value.
The childhood toy, the memories flooding back with delight at their find.
The perfect tchotchke you can take home to Mom.
Normal people show up hoping to find that diamond in the ruff.
There are also the hoarders that show up, just wanting to add more stuff to their already cluttered messy life.
Then there’s me perusing the goods with no intent tobuy commit for I left my wallet heart in my car this black hole I have become. I suppose if I find something I like I can run to my car and retrieve my wallet look deep into myself and see if there is anything left but cynicism. I did however still put myself on the the table for sale.
With on-line dating you are the integral part of THE Garage sale…You put a sticker on yourself with a description. Hoping someone will “pick you up”, take you home and care for you.
I didn’t put a price on myself.
The serious people show up early. Waking you from your slumber…knocking on your door curious about your ‘wears’.
There is one difference I can think of.
Shopper settings…
I was able to change my settings on Plenty Of Fish so if people are looking for an “Intimate Encounter” or if they were “Married” they could not contact me.
There was no “creepy or whack job” setting, sadly.
You can’t put on your garage sale sign, “No jackasses please!"
If you have been to a garage sale and had a look around at all the people there you will see a variable plethora, from the pirate to the princess…just like if you are looking at all the stuff strewn across tables in a driveway you will find all sorts of goods.
On-Line dating is the same except we are putting ourselves up for sale out on the table.
We are the goods for sale.
We are also the shopper.
The teddy bear that was once loved and someone grew tired of, or grew up and didn’t want it any more.
The cracked tea pot that once held water, now just drips tears because someone didn’t care for it.
The tattered carpet, that someone walked all over.
The rusty gas grill, that was up graded and replaced with a newer shinier model.
The set of dishes, that was bought when someone was young, because they didn’t know what they really wanted and just wanted something to have their dinner with.
Then there are the hidden treasures one hopes to find.
The Picasso that someone didn’t realize the value.
The childhood toy, the memories flooding back with delight at their find.
The perfect tchotchke you can take home to Mom.
Normal people show up hoping to find that diamond in the ruff.
There are also the hoarders that show up, just wanting to add more stuff to their already cluttered messy life.
Then there’s me perusing the goods with no intent to
With on-line dating you are the integral part of THE Garage sale…You put a sticker on yourself with a description. Hoping someone will “pick you up”, take you home and care for you.
I didn’t put a price on myself.
Thursday, March 10, 2011
I’m Judging
Up-“date”…No, I’m not GOING on any date right now.
I’ve looked at pictures, read profiles and judged…isn’t what this is about Judging someone, deciding if you want to talk to them maybe, big maybe, meet them? I’m being judged as well, for the same purpose.
I just got an IM…”Hows the experiment coming along?”
Me…”It’s quite an undertaking.”
I’m not at all interested in this guy.
Should I feel bad?
He wanted to have coffee…I declined, with grace I hope. He probably thinks I’m a total bitch…He’s right.
I put it out there that this was a “A Scientific Experiment”.
You can probably find me on POF.com. I could care less if you do or don’t.
One of the messages I received came with a picture of a very attractive 28 year old. He’s laying on a sofa. I swear he has nothing on, but the pic stops just in time…
Nahhhhh…I don’t think that’s what I’m gonna go for.
Another guy that sent me a message is married…there was no picture. If you are married, should you be on a dating web site? I’m not judging, just asking. We all know I have liked myself a married man in the past.
I’m not doing this to be mean…I am a curious kitten.
So if this is a scientific experiment/experience I should have a question and a hypothesis. (Like my daughters 3rd grade science fair project.)
I’m gonna work on this for a bit and come up with a plan…it seems I’ve leaped…now I am looking.
I will take your ideas into consideration…with concerns to question and hypothesis.
I’ve looked at pictures, read profiles and judged…isn’t what this is about Judging someone, deciding if you want to talk to them maybe, big maybe, meet them? I’m being judged as well, for the same purpose.
I just got an IM…”Hows the experiment coming along?”
Me…”It’s quite an undertaking.”
I’m not at all interested in this guy.
Should I feel bad?
He wanted to have coffee…I declined, with grace I hope. He probably thinks I’m a total bitch…He’s right.
I put it out there that this was a “A Scientific Experiment”.
You can probably find me on POF.com. I could care less if you do or don’t.
One of the messages I received came with a picture of a very attractive 28 year old. He’s laying on a sofa. I swear he has nothing on, but the pic stops just in time…
Nahhhhh…I don’t think that’s what I’m gonna go for.
Another guy that sent me a message is married…there was no picture. If you are married, should you be on a dating web site? I’m not judging, just asking. We all know I have liked myself a married man in the past.
I’m not doing this to be mean…I am a curious kitten.
So if this is a scientific experiment/experience I should have a question and a hypothesis. (Like my daughters 3rd grade science fair project.)
I’m gonna work on this for a bit and come up with a plan…it seems I’ve leaped…now I am looking.
I will take your ideas into consideration…with concerns to question and hypothesis.
Plenty Of Fish
Last night I’m sitting around with my neighbor K. Our children and her ”rat” for a dog were running around my home.
We come up with an Un-Holy plan. To entertain her, you and me.
Plenty Of Fish…
…are there really plenty of fish in the sea?
I tried on-line dating once. It didn’t work out so well, but I was serious back then. This time around I am SO NOT serious. I put it out there too, that I was NOT serious.
We all know I have NO luck with men. The men I meet think I’m going through some, “Stage”…My life IS a STAGE where I live…on stage for all to see. These men usually “Exit left” but remain my friends, thankfully.
So…I fill out the questionnaire.
Choices for answers are…strongly agree, somewhat agree, somewhat disagree, strongly disagree…(I think, I did it last night….hours ago.)
In no particular order…
#?. I believe there is more than one way to do something correctly?
…Wrong hole!
#31. Is it important that I get married soon?
…Who would agree with that?
Lucky #13. I can resist temptation easily.
…hmmmm;)
#9. Do I want my children to speak English?
…That’s a mail order bride question.
#21. Do I think highly of myself?
…HELLOOOOoooo, yeah.
#22. Would I like to have children in the near future?
…I wish the ones climbing all over me now would just let me answer this silly questionnaire.
#47. Am I sensitive to other peoples feelings?
…this is debatable.
Submit test
Holy shit! That was a test?!
So there K and I are looking at a bunch of pics…
Me…”There’s a lot of guys named ‘chat’.”
Me…”Oh look he’s cute. Here’s a picture of him in a cubical…I wonder if he’s saying…”I have a job?”
K…”Or maybe he just borrowed someones office and webcam.”
Me…”Oh look! He has a CAR!”
Yes, do you have a car was one of the questions.
This morning I woke to 40 messages…and a Chemistry profile that they prepared for me...
The profile explains a lot…
“Given the strong degree of confidence you have it is no surprise that you get along well with others...yada, yada, yada…you shouldn’t have much difficulty in romance, at least not initially…yada, yada, yada…however, over time, the high standards that you have for yourself could potential frustrate your partner.”
I will take you on this adventure with me…keep in mind my goal is not to actually find someone. That would be fruitless. If I want fruit, I’ll just go buy an apple.
I did give myself a job on the site…BLOGGER!
We come up with an Un-Holy plan. To entertain her, you and me.
Plenty Of Fish…
…are there really plenty of fish in the sea?
I tried on-line dating once. It didn’t work out so well, but I was serious back then. This time around I am SO NOT serious. I put it out there too, that I was NOT serious.
We all know I have NO luck with men. The men I meet think I’m going through some, “Stage”…My life IS a STAGE where I live…on stage for all to see. These men usually “Exit left” but remain my friends, thankfully.
So…I fill out the questionnaire.
Choices for answers are…strongly agree, somewhat agree, somewhat disagree, strongly disagree…(I think, I did it last night….hours ago.)
In no particular order…
#?. I believe there is more than one way to do something correctly?
…Wrong hole!
#31. Is it important that I get married soon?
…Who would agree with that?
Lucky #13. I can resist temptation easily.
…hmmmm;)
#9. Do I want my children to speak English?
…That’s a mail order bride question.
#21. Do I think highly of myself?
…HELLOOOOoooo, yeah.
#22. Would I like to have children in the near future?
…I wish the ones climbing all over me now would just let me answer this silly questionnaire.
#47. Am I sensitive to other peoples feelings?
…this is debatable.
Submit test
Holy shit! That was a test?!
So there K and I are looking at a bunch of pics…
Me…”There’s a lot of guys named ‘chat’.”
Me…”Oh look he’s cute. Here’s a picture of him in a cubical…I wonder if he’s saying…”I have a job?”
K…”Or maybe he just borrowed someones office and webcam.”
Me…”Oh look! He has a CAR!”
Yes, do you have a car was one of the questions.
This morning I woke to 40 messages…and a Chemistry profile that they prepared for me...
The profile explains a lot…
“Given the strong degree of confidence you have it is no surprise that you get along well with others...yada, yada, yada…you shouldn’t have much difficulty in romance, at least not initially…yada, yada, yada…however, over time, the high standards that you have for yourself could potential frustrate your partner.”
I will take you on this adventure with me…keep in mind my goal is not to actually find someone. That would be fruitless. If I want fruit, I’ll just go buy an apple.
I did give myself a job on the site…BLOGGER!
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
Am I My Own Worst Enemy?
I said I wouldn’t blog about it…but every time I say I won’t do something…the Universe says…
…”Oh yes you will!”
The Oxygen Channel has a saying …”Live Out Loud.”
I could run that channel….that motto is real life for me, as is “Get out of the box and kick it to the curb."
Is there REALLY a "condition" on love???? -Ellen, Saturday 5:07pm
My answer to that was…
…”Take me as I am.”
It’s probably the most difficult thing I have/will ever ask of someone.
My best guy and girl friends love me unconditionally, but I am not their partner, just their friend.
Friday night I went out on a group Date night with my friends and their spouses. I was the only one without a date.
I posted pics of me and some men, and women, that were touching me, probably in ways that could be construed as inappropriate. They were my friends, not strangers, and their spouses were right there. Nothing was going to happen other than the “photo op” for my blog.
…”Who Cares Anyway?”
Some men are attracted to, forgive the categorization, the plain Jane. The white picket fence, typical sweater set wearing woman who comes off as non threatening. (I’m not saying she isn’t a strong woman without opinions…or beautiful.)
Other men are initially attracted to someone like me, a free spirit that says things and does things that some (not all or most) would like to. I say initially because as soon as they realize that this person they are attracted to is the REAL me, and not some act, they are put off, and run for the hills.
There seem to be a lot of hills around me…plenty of places to run…and many reason TO run.
The fact that I am even blogging about this can frighten someone off. I refuse to hold my tongue.
I must be accepted as nothing less, or more, than I am.
In return, I will accept you.
I will not compromise the un-holy trinity of the Me, Myself and I that I am.
I’m living out loud in my glass house, at the curb is the box, packed in it is my panties.
I find it comical that I typed all this out because in general I spend the majority of my time by my-self to include weekends…not getting in or making Trouble.
…”Oh yes you will!”
The Oxygen Channel has a saying …”Live Out Loud.”
I could run that channel….that motto is real life for me, as is “Get out of the box and kick it to the curb."
Is there REALLY a "condition" on love???? -Ellen, Saturday 5:07pm
My answer to that was…
…”Take me as I am.”
It’s probably the most difficult thing I have/will ever ask of someone.
My best guy and girl friends love me unconditionally, but I am not their partner, just their friend.
Friday night I went out on a group Date night with my friends and their spouses. I was the only one without a date.
I posted pics of me and some men, and women, that were touching me, probably in ways that could be construed as inappropriate. They were my friends, not strangers, and their spouses were right there. Nothing was going to happen other than the “photo op” for my blog.
…”Who Cares Anyway?”
Some men are attracted to, forgive the categorization, the plain Jane. The white picket fence, typical sweater set wearing woman who comes off as non threatening. (I’m not saying she isn’t a strong woman without opinions…or beautiful.)
Other men are initially attracted to someone like me, a free spirit that says things and does things that some (not all or most) would like to. I say initially because as soon as they realize that this person they are attracted to is the REAL me, and not some act, they are put off, and run for the hills.
There seem to be a lot of hills around me…plenty of places to run…and many reason TO run.
The fact that I am even blogging about this can frighten someone off. I refuse to hold my tongue.
I must be accepted as nothing less, or more, than I am.
In return, I will accept you.
I will not compromise the un-holy trinity of the Me, Myself and I that I am.
I’m living out loud in my glass house, at the curb is the box, packed in it is my panties.
I find it comical that I typed all this out because in general I spend the majority of my time by my-self to include weekends…not getting in or making Trouble.
Monday, March 7, 2011
Freedom: There Is A Price
It’s Monday, I slept in. When I woke up I put one of my hoodies over my Jammies, slipped my house shoes on started up my coffee and headed outside to get my newspaper, The Gazette.
It was 7am when I walked outside and in the distance my ears were greeted with Revere being played over the sound system at Peterson Air Force Base. Home of USNORTHCOM/NORAD.
I live several miles from the HeadQuarters and I had never heard it before from my home. It made me smile.
I went inside sat on my sofa and turned on the local news and looked at my folded Newspaper.
Do you know what “Above the fold” is? It’s supposedly the most important story of the day and it is the headliner.
I opened the newspaper and “Below the fold”, on the very, very bottom was a small story about Libya…continued on page 6…PAGE 6!
I’m an international kinda gal.
The happenings across the globe concern me.
I wonder how many people in the United States even know where Libya is? I know it’s in the news, but do they know it’s not situated near Iraq or Iran…
IT’S ON THE CONTINENT OF AFRICA…maybe I shouldn’t have shouted that, maybe YOU DO know where it is.
Gas prices are rising because several countries that have been under the thumbs of omniscient tyrannical rulers are starting to fight back. It started in Tunsinia…the need for freedom. The fight for freedom moved to Egypt where the freedom fighters have relatively succeeded.
People are complaining about the cost of gas.
We live in this society that has more freedoms than you can shake a stick at. Our internet browsing is not monitored, we can rally and protest without the fear of the military firing on us…we can say what we want when we want.
Note…There are some people who thing our internet is monitored…whatever…Have you been to China? I have. I call Hong Kong counts.
The Westboro Baptist Assholes just won a Supreme Court case in regards to protesting outside funerals. I’m not very happy about it…I think they are Abusive…not peaceful.
<----This is my friend Carrie and me at a counter protest against the Assholes.
My sign says “I love Chick Fil A and Hobby Lobby” A lot of people don’t get it. So I will explain…I’m a Wiccan who will stand up for other peoples religious beliefs as long as they do not impede with the freedom, rights and respect of others. They are good, Christian Companies…that are closed on Sundays.
Note…The “Above the fold" story in the newspaper was, “Lawmakers Try for Civil Union Route”. It’s about gay rights. I’m pro Gay marriage, as is Carrie. Carrie, many of my friends and I might be what a Muslim Man’s worst nightmare would be.
Freedom to be who you are.
This is my friend Capt Dave “Wiz” Wisniewski and me when we lived in Okinawa, Japan. We were at a Ghetto Fabulous Party….He didn’t dress up.
http://www.arlingtoncemetery.net/dawisniewski.htm
A Rocket propelled grenade shot down his RESCUE helicopter on June 9th 2010. He died July 2, 2010. Four other Airman were killed as well.
Lt Joel Gentz
Staff Sgt David Smith (Baby Dave) I don’t have a picture of me and Baby Dave but I knew him as well.
Tech Sgt Michael Flores
Senior Airman Benjamin White
They were fighting…and please don’t get all political with me…for freedom.
I’m all over the place here, I’m sorry. I will pull it together so you can see my point…
Our military is supposed to be able to fight 2 wars at once and keep threats at bay. We are doing just that and more right now. Freedom fighters in Libya are dying because Gaddafi will not let go of his control. We could enforce a no fly zone so he can’t bomb “his” people anymore. That takes a great undertaking and military force. It would help the people of Libya gain the freedoms I believe ALL deserve. (I do hope that Sharia Law would not be the law of the land when they are free…’cause that is NOT freedom.)
Bahrain, Saudia Arabia, Yemen…even Oman…There are protests everywhere. These people are angry.
We live in a country that gained it’s freedom through fighting.
If we helped these people gain their freedom perhaps our gas prices might go down and they too MIGHT, it’s a big might friends, may gain the freedoms we take for granted.
We can claim freedom and all protest because of men like “Wiz”.
Even those fucking assholes.
Oh, and I am absolutely sick of hearing about Charlie Sheen who has contributed nothing to our society! He made $2,000,000 per episode for a show that was total SHIT….and now we hear he has money problems too?
Perspective…
…and my panties are in a wad!
Thank you all my Military Friends out there who let me be me. I will try not to take for granted the freedoms you protect for me on a daily basis.
(I really hope this made sense.)
It was 7am when I walked outside and in the distance my ears were greeted with Revere being played over the sound system at Peterson Air Force Base. Home of USNORTHCOM/NORAD.
I live several miles from the HeadQuarters and I had never heard it before from my home. It made me smile.
I went inside sat on my sofa and turned on the local news and looked at my folded Newspaper.
Do you know what “Above the fold” is? It’s supposedly the most important story of the day and it is the headliner.
I opened the newspaper and “Below the fold”, on the very, very bottom was a small story about Libya…continued on page 6…PAGE 6!
I’m an international kinda gal.
The happenings across the globe concern me.
I wonder how many people in the United States even know where Libya is? I know it’s in the news, but do they know it’s not situated near Iraq or Iran…
IT’S ON THE CONTINENT OF AFRICA…maybe I shouldn’t have shouted that, maybe YOU DO know where it is.
Gas prices are rising because several countries that have been under the thumbs of omniscient tyrannical rulers are starting to fight back. It started in Tunsinia…the need for freedom. The fight for freedom moved to Egypt where the freedom fighters have relatively succeeded.
People are complaining about the cost of gas.
We live in this society that has more freedoms than you can shake a stick at. Our internet browsing is not monitored, we can rally and protest without the fear of the military firing on us…we can say what we want when we want.
Note…There are some people who thing our internet is monitored…whatever…Have you been to China? I have. I call Hong Kong counts.
The Westboro Baptist Assholes just won a Supreme Court case in regards to protesting outside funerals. I’m not very happy about it…I think they are Abusive…not peaceful.
My sign says “I love Chick Fil A and Hobby Lobby” A lot of people don’t get it. So I will explain…I’m a Wiccan who will stand up for other peoples religious beliefs as long as they do not impede with the freedom, rights and respect of others. They are good, Christian Companies…that are closed on Sundays.
Note…The “Above the fold" story in the newspaper was, “Lawmakers Try for Civil Union Route”. It’s about gay rights. I’m pro Gay marriage, as is Carrie. Carrie, many of my friends and I might be what a Muslim Man’s worst nightmare would be.
Freedom to be who you are.
This is my friend Capt Dave “Wiz” Wisniewski and me when we lived in Okinawa, Japan. We were at a Ghetto Fabulous Party….He didn’t dress up.http://www.arlingtoncemetery.net/dawisniewski.htm
A Rocket propelled grenade shot down his RESCUE helicopter on June 9th 2010. He died July 2, 2010. Four other Airman were killed as well.
Lt Joel Gentz
Staff Sgt David Smith (Baby Dave) I don’t have a picture of me and Baby Dave but I knew him as well.
Tech Sgt Michael Flores
Senior Airman Benjamin White
They were fighting…and please don’t get all political with me…for freedom.
I’m all over the place here, I’m sorry. I will pull it together so you can see my point…
Our military is supposed to be able to fight 2 wars at once and keep threats at bay. We are doing just that and more right now. Freedom fighters in Libya are dying because Gaddafi will not let go of his control. We could enforce a no fly zone so he can’t bomb “his” people anymore. That takes a great undertaking and military force. It would help the people of Libya gain the freedoms I believe ALL deserve. (I do hope that Sharia Law would not be the law of the land when they are free…’cause that is NOT freedom.)
Bahrain, Saudia Arabia, Yemen…even Oman…There are protests everywhere. These people are angry.
We live in a country that gained it’s freedom through fighting.
If we helped these people gain their freedom perhaps our gas prices might go down and they too MIGHT, it’s a big might friends, may gain the freedoms we take for granted.
We can claim freedom and all protest because of men like “Wiz”.
Even those fucking assholes.
Oh, and I am absolutely sick of hearing about Charlie Sheen who has contributed nothing to our society! He made $2,000,000 per episode for a show that was total SHIT….and now we hear he has money problems too?
Perspective…
…and my panties are in a wad!
Thank you all my Military Friends out there who let me be me. I will try not to take for granted the freedoms you protect for me on a daily basis.
(I really hope this made sense.)
Sunday, March 6, 2011
Inventory
On Friday Macy’s had a big sale.The Juniors Department had Jackets on sale for $9.99.
I came home with 5 new jackets.
When I got home I opened my coat closet preparing to add them to the rest of my coats and jackets. There was no way in hell they were gonna fit…it was packed!
I have a small home that is cleanish and tidyish. I am NOT a hoarder…I don’t have crap everywhere.
The only messy room is my studio (refer to Chaos Theory 4.669 blog).
I started counting things I own.
I did not double count things although some things did belong in several categories…I made classifications...
Jackets…22
Coats…11
 |
| Drink in hand…I’m such a rebel! |
Blazers…14
Shawls and hoodies…9
Suits…8
(blazer and slack/skirt sets)
Slacks…17
(Separates)
Jeans…21
Cords…3Skirts…31
Dresses…23
Cocktail and formal dresses…19
Blouses…28
(Shirts with collars)
Shirts…53
(With sleeves)
Shirts…48
(Without sleeves)
Those were the ones just HANGING in one of my closets.
I also have 2 dressers filled with knit wear, shorts, work out outfits, capri pants…yada, yada, yada…
So…folded in drawers…
Again nothing double counted...
Tank Tops…13
Black Tank Tops…6
T-Shirts (all but 1 are fitted…aka…tight around my mediocre bosom)
I have several classifications here.
Rescue T-shirts…6
Halloween/Wiccan(I also counted my Chick Fil A shirts as I am the official sponsor for “Everyone should have a funny Wiccan in their life that loves Chick Fil A")
...T-Shirts…9
SuperGirl T-Shirts…5
T-Shirts with sayings and patterns…14
Just plain ol’ boring T-Shirts…5
I got tired of counting my clothes…I’m just gonna leave you guessing.
I was NOT tired of counting things though.
…and you probably want to know how many pairs of shoes I own…
I did not classify them, as wedged, stiletto, flat…
…please don’t be disappointed.
Shoes…139Boots…28
I don’t think that is that bad.
I did not count hats, scarves (different from shawls), socks, panties (I do own a whole bunch)…
I did count bras…32
I left my bedroom and went into the kitchen…
I opened a cupboard and looked at all my dishes.
Cocktail Plates…29
(not saucers, small plates)
Reg. size Bowls…59
Itty Bitty Bowls…15
Brown Bananas…5
Microwave…1
Coffee Makers (that work)…1
Condements in ‘fridge…30
Pickle Jars filled with Pickles…3
 |
| Stemwear…103! |
Chip pieces, crumbs, beads and toys under the cushions of my Sofa…0 (I vacuumed all that shit up the other day…before I thought of counting everything...I counted a lot of things and it is embarrassing how much stuff I own.
I didn’t count serving platers and bowl, trays, throws, table cloths…
I did count pillows…28
I have 8 stand alone cabinets though.
I don’t understand Curio Cabinets…or hummels or those retarded, cherubic, big eyed, pastel colored miniostrosities that some people collect and put in a ‘curio cabinet.
I think it’s called a curio cabinet ‘cause you are curious as to why the hell some people like to display meaningless statue like things.
I do however have many statues of my own…the majority of them are fertility God/Goddess that never worked;). I have statues from Liberia (where I was born), Peru, India…Kokeshi Dolls from Japan...all places I have been. They all have some meaning to me, a memory.
I have all these things and I love them all.
I am a fashionista.
I am an Entertainer and have many parties.
I use everything I own…
Except my 2 Poppykettles (refer to blog Occam’s Razor)…I can’t really use those because I don’t think I will ever be a mini hairy Peruvian that needs to sail the seas in one.
I did not count friends…I don’t own them. They just keep showing up at my door.
Everything has a memory and a purrrrrrrpose.
I like all the shit I own.
Nobody Likes 'a' Dick.
…’This is ridiculous.'
Well, have I got a story for you.
This is a semi-complicated story, one that is tough to follow but I can’t make this shit up. It’s a REAL life story about people I know.
Names have been changed so I don’t get my ass kicked. (Although if push came to shove I would be the ass kicker.) Although the pictures are of us…I’m a Trouble maker.
It all happened in Colorado though.
Once a upon a time there were two high school sweethearts, Tammy and Owen. Not only were they in love but they were best friends as well. They got married and had 2 beautiful boys. They were young though and Owen was immature at times and made some mistakes. They decided to separate, not divorce.Owen wasn’t living here when I met Tammy.
Tammy and I became friends a few years ago when I moved here. Her older son was in my daughters class. We became instant friends.
Tammy was single-ish. She did date as I know Owen did too. Tammy and Owen would talk frequently to each other as they were still best friends. They would even talk about who they were dating…even though they were still married.
Enter stage right, or perhaps I should say ‘wrong in so many ways’…DICK. Dick is divorced with children of his own and Tammy was dating Dick. He treated her very nice at first and then his switch flipped and he became a real asshole.
Tammy decides to break up with Dick.
Tammy finds out she is pregnant by Dick.
Tammy comes to talk to me, scared out of her mind. This man had been physically abusive with her.
I tell Tammy she needs to think carefully and most certainly separate herself from Dick.
Tammy decides to have this baby.
Dick and I have not yet met at this point.
Dick comes to the conclusion that I am a threat to him.
He takes Tammy’s phone and would call me, calling me colourful adjectives.
Then he would delete my number form her phone.
She would re enter it, Dick would CHECK it…then text me lovely things.
Dick also changed her password for her FB account…said
Dick doesn’t bother my sensibility.
He’s a classic abuser.
I’m gonna be Tammy’s friend. I tell her like it is.
I take pictures of Tammy and I together whenever the opportunity arises.
It makes Dick mad. I am the thorn in his side that will NOT go away.
I throw a babyshower for Tammy.
At the baby shower Tammy finally explains exactly WHY Dick hates me with gusto.
Dick thinks I’m a lesbian who is out to get his ’girl’. Dick doesn’t like strong women who fight back.
The baby shower was great and Tammy’s Mom and I become friends. Bound together in our scorn for Dick. As is Tammy’s off his rocker brother Steve…we are all now connected.
Enter Owen, stage...crazy ass people really have these things happen to them?Owen and Tammy are still married…
Owen is dating Rose.
Tammy has her Baby, let’s call her Long Island, for fun.
There is a Birthday party for one of Tammy and Owens sons…I’m invited.
I meet Rose at the party. At this birthday party are my friends, Tammy’s family Owen and Dick. Steve did not attend because Dick was there. This was the first time I had met Dick. Steve hates Dick as much as me.
Rose is young, nice and very pregnant.It’s NOT Owens baby…..SURPRISE!
Tammy, sadly, is still with Dick.
Owen is still with Rose.
Tammy and Owen are still married.
Tammy and Owen are still best friends.
I went to Long Island’s first Birthday Party yesterday.
Dick, hilariously was not invited. Steve was there and Dick wouldn’t have made it up the sidewalk without an ass kicking.
Dick hates it when he finds out Tammy and I have been or are going to hang out.
Dick doesn’t like me. I don’t like him.
I will antagonize him as often as possible in my subtle ways.
He’s a Dick.
Saturday, March 5, 2011
Who Really Cares?
Last night was Date Night…I was Date-less…long story, yada, yada, yada.
F1, F2 and their spouses picked me up…I thought we were having drinks first…out…turned out we were having drinks at my place.
Surprise!
I’m prepared with tons of alcohol…F1’s spouse does some Tequila shots. We ladies have a vodka cocktail and F2’s spouse is drinken’ nothing’…He’s driven’.
We have our beverages and head downtown to meet our other friends…there are a total of 13 of us…13 is a lucky number…I was glad to help them out;)…and make it a great odd number.
Side note…I was fine hanging out with all my married friends I do it all the time. I did NOT feel like the 13th wheel.
I did not tell my friends that I had a goal…a picture goal…and a Facebook goal.
I wanted to take pictures of myself with my friends doing…really not that outrageous things…but could be construed as such through the eyes of jackasses.
...no drinks in hand.
The reason I wanted to do this was because I had read an article awhile back about a teacher being fired because while she was on vacation (lets see how long I can make this run on sentence go) in Germany or Ireland she had some photos taken and posted them on Facebook…drink in hand, several of them…Ooooooo. Big fucking deal.
The school had a0 alcohol tolerance. I don’t know why the Superintendent of the school, or who ever fired her thought it was any of their business or how on earth it would effect the school because this teacher had some ‘drinks’…but I guess someone thought it would be detrimental to their school system. Whatever…
If I was a teacher I would drink a lot…
Can I drink more than I already do?
People are getting fired over Tweets, Status Up-dates and such on social networks.
I live my life on-line-ish…
The other day on the Today Show someone said you should never post any picture of yourself with ANY drink in hand.
I don’t have a real job, don’t want one. Well, I do, just not a 9-5 gig.
The pictures I sent via my Spyder (my phone) and posted on FB were SO not that innocent but I did not have ONE drink in my hand.
I have over 500 pictures of myself on FB…many of them…drink in hand.
Drink shmink…
I was wasted! So were many of my freinds … and it was obvious!
Some of my friends were completely sober…they look drunk though.
(I’m waiting for permission from my friends to use their likeness aka photos on here…They have real jobs and might work for Jackasses…)
Perspective….
Who really fucking cares?
Get your panties out of a wad!
F1, F2 and their spouses picked me up…I thought we were having drinks first…out…turned out we were having drinks at my place.Surprise!
I’m prepared with tons of alcohol…F1’s spouse does some Tequila shots. We ladies have a vodka cocktail and F2’s spouse is drinken’ nothing’…He’s driven’.
We have our beverages and head downtown to meet our other friends…there are a total of 13 of us…13 is a lucky number…I was glad to help them out;)…and make it a great odd number.
Side note…I was fine hanging out with all my married friends I do it all the time. I did NOT feel like the 13th wheel.
I wanted to take pictures of myself with my friends doing…really not that outrageous things…but could be construed as such through the eyes of jackasses.
...no drinks in hand.
The reason I wanted to do this was because I had read an article awhile back about a teacher being fired because while she was on vacation (
The school had a
Can I drink more than I already do?
People are getting fired over Tweets, Status Up-dates and such on social networks.
I live my life on-line-ish…
The other day on the Today Show someone said you should never post any picture of yourself with ANY drink in hand.
I don’t have a real job, don’t want one. Well, I do, just not a 9-5 gig.
The pictures I sent via my Spyder (my phone) and posted on FB were SO not that innocent but I did not have ONE drink in my hand.
I have over 500 pictures of myself on FB…many of them…drink in hand.
Drink shmink…
I was wasted! So were many of my freinds … and it was obvious!
Some of my friends were completely sober…they look drunk though.
(I’m waiting for permission from my friends to use their likeness aka photos on here…They have real jobs and might work for Jackasses…)Perspective….
Who really fucking cares?
Get your panties out of a wad!
Thursday, March 3, 2011
The Lazy Aussie Blogger
http://www.aussiebloggers.com.
…and this is what came out…
F*** me dead I just climbed out from under my rock and realised I have not updated this since I had to start working to pay the ridiculous food and petrol prices to feed my kids... You would not believe that I actually have a life. Jealous much? Don't be, it was very painful..
I am flat out like a lizard drinking with setting fire to people wearing Crocs, hanging out at the Aussie Bloggers Forums, just generally being the life of the party to society in general, my day is a magical flight from sun-up to I see my darling's 10000 text messages. I am not growing up. but never say never.
I send you kisses I will make more of an effort to blog more often until the nice men in the white coats come back. Sincerest apologies. This is for my ever faithful, devoted public..
…and this is what came out…
F*** me dead I just climbed out from under my rock and realised I have not updated this since I had to start working to pay the ridiculous food and petrol prices to feed my kids... You would not believe that I actually have a life. Jealous much? Don't be, it was very painful..
I am flat out like a lizard drinking with setting fire to people wearing Crocs, hanging out at the Aussie Bloggers Forums, just generally being the life of the party to society in general, my day is a magical flight from sun-up to I see my darling's 10000 text messages. I am not growing up. but never say never.
I send you kisses I will make more of an effort to blog more often until the nice men in the white coats come back. Sincerest apologies. This is for my ever faithful, devoted public..
My Streaming Thoughts This AM
8:53
I’ve fed (do poptarts count?) my children, done 2 loads of laundry, made my bed, cleaned the kitchen floor and have taken my children to school while still wearing my pajamas and house shoes crossing my fingers that the cop I passed wouldn’t stop me for speeding cause I lookamazing, spectacular, like a Goddess…sarcasm... and I haven’t even brushed my teeth. I’m sitting on my sofa texting my friend about hitting things, the today show is on and I am eating cheese, crackers and ham for breakfast. I also have my computer in my lap.
I need to turn my Mac off and get ready for the day…but I’m blogging instead.
I just learned how to do the cross out thing…I think I like it and you will see it more now.
9:01
I’ve had 3 crackers so far…5 more left.
I am thinking about going shopping today. I want a new black blouse and some slouchy trouser jeans. I’m going out tomorrow night. I have no idea what I am going to wear. I did go to DSW yesterday and picked up 2 new pairs of boots I can wear with my exoskeleton…one pair are cowboy boots…I’m excited about them.
9:04
I just eaten another cracker…4 to go.
Ann Curry just did the useless news bit on the Today show. I like Ann. One of my friends loaned her a flack jacket once in Sri Lanka.
Now they are showing a bit about Charlie 'the psychopath' Sheen. His children were taken away from him.
9:08
One more cracker down…3 to go
The psychopath and hisGoddess, hanger on-ers are still on. Blecchhhhhh…..
I had lunch with a secret squirrel yesterday and he said he felt bad for the psychopath…I don’t.
9:11
I need to finish my breakfast but I’m getting full.
9:12
Another cracker down the hatch.
9:15
It’s a lap top it can go anywhere with me…I’m peeing right now.
9:17
I’ve washed my hands and gazed in the mirror. I see toothpaste on my face tonight. I’m back on the couch.
9:18
On the Today show they are talking about sales…WaHoooo.
They are talking about deals. I have a theory about sales…buy it on sale before you NEED it ‘cause then you will most likely pay full price.
Both those boots I bought yesterday were on sale and I had $20.00 worth of DSW bucks…:)
9:21
Spend with cash…(Today show)…I only shop with cash.
I still have 2 crackers to go.
9:22
The women from “The Real Housewives Of Orange County’ are coming on next…how can they all be called house wives? Some of them are not even married!
A Lyrica commercial just came on…I’ve been working on a blog about side effects of drugs…I’m taking my time though cause I started it a while ago.
I’ll be back in a sec….
9:27
I’m back…laundry called…it wanted attention.
I need to wash my house shoes in the next load, they are starting to smell. My feet sweat a lot in them.
I’m trying to think of what I can cross out….just for fun…I’m humored by my thoughts and ideas.
9:29
2 crackers left I’m so full though.
That song, "I want you to make me feel like I’m the only girl in the world" by Rihanna is being played. That’s what people hear when they call me. It bothers the hell out of my Mother.
9:32
My Facebook status this am was…
“Blog or shop?”
I’m amazed that people care what I do.
Most of them want me to shop then blog about it.
S wants me to just blog ‘cause it’s free…boring. Sorry S!
9:34
Today show update…
The Royal Wedding…I would love to go. I think they are a beautiful couple.
9:34…still…
Back to my FB status…
Shlogging, shlopping…I have whitty friemds…I mean witty friends.
9:36
Holy shit I really need to get up and go…still sitting here with my 2 crackers in front of me.
I’m gonna fill my coffee cup up.
9:38
I poured my cold coffee back into the pot and poured myself a ‘new’ cup. I’m the only one drinking it…it’s my spit. I like my coffee, black and boiling!
9:39
That’s some mother fucking hot coffee! Owwww!!!!
Come on Housewives…I’m only sitting here waiting to watch them. The Today show however is talking about energy saving tips. Whatever…
9:41
I have Re-hab for my leg at 11:30…I got all my hairs cut off yesterday so I just need to gel it after my shower…no blow drying needed…short hair shaves 1o min. off my routine.
9:43
Commercial about style snaps makes me think about jeggings and those types ofpants train wrecks.
9:44
I added a pic of myself on here not to show you my new cut but ‘cause when ever I have a pic of me on here I get more hits! Yup, I’m not sure if it’s a sex sells thing because Jason knows marketing is not my thing…
I need to learn to Market my SELF!!!
9:46
Finally…the Housewives are on.
They are SO, SO, SO fake! I’m jealous of their beauty and hair…I can’t lie.
Are they required by contract to have long blond hair?
9:48
I don’t think I can finish my crackers.
I just went to see what all my FB friends are ‘doing’.
None of them are really up to much
9:49
That was the worst segment. Can I say Blechhhhh again?
9:50
I’m gonna post this mess, not check it for spelling, grammar or anything…
Living on the edge baby!
maybe later I’ll take the tags off ALL the mattress in my house and really get wild!
I’ve fed (do poptarts count?) my children, done 2 loads of laundry, made my bed, cleaned the kitchen floor and have taken my children to school while still wearing my pajamas and house shoes crossing my fingers that the cop I passed wouldn’t stop me for speeding cause I look
I need to turn my Mac off and get ready for the day…but I’m blogging instead.
I just learned how to do the cross out thing…I think I like it and you will see it more now.
9:01
I’ve had 3 crackers so far…5 more left.
I am thinking about going shopping today. I want a new black blouse and some slouchy trouser jeans. I’m going out tomorrow night. I have no idea what I am going to wear. I did go to DSW yesterday and picked up 2 new pairs of boots I can wear with my exoskeleton…one pair are cowboy boots…I’m excited about them.
9:04
I just eaten another cracker…4 to go.
Ann Curry just did the useless news bit on the Today show. I like Ann. One of my friends loaned her a flack jacket once in Sri Lanka.
Now they are showing a bit about Charlie 'the psychopath' Sheen. His children were taken away from him.
9:08
One more cracker down…3 to go
The psychopath and his
I had lunch with a secret squirrel yesterday and he said he felt bad for the psychopath…I don’t.
9:11
I need to finish my breakfast but I’m getting full.
9:12
Another cracker down the hatch.
9:15
It’s a lap top it can go anywhere with me…I’m peeing right now.
9:17
I’ve washed my hands and gazed in the mirror. I see toothpaste on my face tonight. I’m back on the couch.
9:18
On the Today show they are talking about sales…WaHoooo.
They are talking about deals. I have a theory about sales…buy it on sale before you NEED it ‘cause then you will most likely pay full price.
Both those boots I bought yesterday were on sale and I had $20.00 worth of DSW bucks…:)
9:21
Spend with cash…(Today show)…I only shop with cash.
I still have 2 crackers to go.
9:22
The women from “The Real Housewives Of Orange County’ are coming on next…how can they all be called house wives? Some of them are not even married!
A Lyrica commercial just came on…I’ve been working on a blog about side effects of drugs…I’m taking my time though cause I started it a while ago.
I’ll be back in a sec….
9:27
I’m back…laundry called…it wanted attention.
I need to wash my house shoes in the next load, they are starting to smell. My feet sweat a lot in them.
I
9:29
2 crackers left I’m so full though.
That song, "I want you to make me feel like I’m the only girl in the world" by Rihanna is being played. That’s what people hear when they call me. It bothers the hell out of my Mother.
9:32
My Facebook status this am was…
“Blog or shop?”
I’m amazed that people care what I do.
Most of them want me to shop then blog about it.
S wants me to just blog ‘cause it’s free…boring. Sorry S!
9:34
Today show update…
The Royal Wedding…I would love to go. I think they are a beautiful couple.
9:34…still…
Back to my FB status…
Shlogging, shlopping…I have whitty friemds…I mean witty friends.
9:36
Holy shit I really need to get up and go…still sitting here with my 2 crackers in front of me.
I’m gonna fill my coffee cup up.
9:38
I poured my cold coffee back into the pot and poured myself a ‘new’ cup. I’m the only one drinking it…it’s my spit. I like my coffee, black and boiling!
9:39
That’s some mother fucking hot coffee! Owwww!!!!
Come on Housewives…I’m only sitting here waiting to watch them. The Today show however is talking about energy saving tips. Whatever…9:41
I have Re-hab for my leg at 11:30…I got all my hairs cut off yesterday so I just need to gel it after my shower…no blow drying needed…short hair shaves 1o min. off my routine.
9:43
Commercial about style snaps makes me think about jeggings and those types of
9:44
I added a pic of myself on here not to show you my new cut but ‘cause when ever I have a pic of me on here I get more hits! Yup, I’m not sure if it’s a sex sells thing because Jason knows marketing is not my thing…
I need to learn to Market my SELF!!!
9:46
Finally…the Housewives are on.
They are SO, SO, SO fake! I’m jealous of their beauty and hair…I can’t lie.
Are they required by contract to have long blond hair?
9:48
I don’t think I can finish my crackers.
I just went to see what all my FB friends are ‘doing’.
None of them are really up to much
9:49
That was the worst segment. Can I say Blechhhhh again?
9:50
I’m gonna post this mess, not check it for spelling, grammar or anything…
Living on the edge baby!
maybe later I’ll take the tags off ALL the mattress in my house and really get wild!
Tuesday, March 1, 2011
Dating Advice For My Children
There they were, my three children eating their Monster Eyes (egg in the middle of toast), blueberry bread and strawberries for breakfast. I’m not sure how the conversation started but 'boyfriend/girlfriend’ stuff came up. It could have been them discussing the previous day, Valentines Day and all their candy and cards they had received.
So I have…
E, girl, age 9...
J, boy, age 7...
D, boy, age 6…
D, has had the same ‘girlfriend’ since he met her two and half years ago. I don’t know how or when they declared themselves 'boyfriend and girlfriend’ but much to the dismay of her Mother, F1 and I, they are an ‘item’.
J, does not have a girlfriend, but would like to have one.
E, just sat through the whole chat with a look of disgust on her sweet face.
I am aware that they are too young to date.
D…”It’s easy, you first have to find out their name.”
J…”I know that!…and then ask them if they already have a boyfriend and then if they don’t ask them if I can be theirs.”
J…”I asked ____ if she had a boyfriend and she said she did.”
D…”Oh…then ask someone else.”
J…”I really, really like____though."
I was wondering if he was just keeping his options open.
Fast forward two weeks…
We are sitting at dinner tonight, pasta, sausage and tons of veggies, that include spinach, mushrooms and asparagus in a cream sauce. I had forewarned them that they were not allowed to complain about it.
We are discussing what they had for lunch, fajitas if you were interested in knowing and only my youngest liked them. And…Their good parts/bad parts of the day, a ritual we have had for a very long time.
J says to me…
J…”Mom, can I talk to you privately after dinner.”
Me…”Of course Bug.”
Dinner ends-ish after my girl, E, and I inform the boys at the table they need to eat like humans and not animals…dinner was a success.
J and I walk down the stairs holding hands and sit on his bed.
…”Mom, I really like ____.” She is a beautiful Korean girl that sits next to him in class.
Me…”And…?”
J…”____and I talked about liking each other the other day and we decided we were boyfriend/girlfriend.”
J…”I think I love her."
Me…”Have you told your Dad?”
J…”Yes.”
J…”You can talk to ___parents and Dad about it if you want to but can we pinky swear you won’t tell anyone else?”
I know I’m blogging about this…he knows I didn’t use names and knows I am blogging about it…I asked him permission.
Me…”What do you think being a good boyfriend is about?”
J…”Helping her when she needs it and protecting her?”…with a quizzical look but a wizened voice.
Me…”Yes, it’s not about kissing, it’s about holding hands and helping one another.”
J…”Thanks Mom.”
Me…”I love you Bug.” and we held each other tightly for a moment.
Of course as we get older things change and get more complicated. Kissing is kind of important as is holding hands if we are lucky enough to find someone to hold our hand…
…and other stuff too… Support and understanding goes both ways, 90/10 sometimes but hopefully 50/50 most of the time.
This was clarity from a 7 year old…who will love many ‘girls’ I’m sure in the future…He’s gonna make a great boy friend!
So I have…
E, girl, age 9...
J, boy, age 7...
D, boy, age 6…
D, has had the same ‘girlfriend’ since he met her two and half years ago. I don’t know how or when they declared themselves 'boyfriend and girlfriend’ but much to the dismay of her Mother, F1 and I, they are an ‘item’.
J, does not have a girlfriend, but would like to have one.
E, just sat through the whole chat with a look of disgust on her sweet face.
I am aware that they are too young to date.
D…”It’s easy, you first have to find out their name.”
J…”I know that!…and then ask them if they already have a boyfriend and then if they don’t ask them if I can be theirs.”
J…”I asked ____ if she had a boyfriend and she said she did.”
D…”Oh…then ask someone else.”
J…”I really, really like____though."
I was wondering if he was just keeping his options open.
Fast forward two weeks…
We are sitting at dinner tonight, pasta, sausage and tons of veggies, that include spinach, mushrooms and asparagus in a cream sauce. I had forewarned them that they were not allowed to complain about it.
We are discussing what they had for lunch, fajitas if you were interested in knowing and only my youngest liked them. And…Their good parts/bad parts of the day, a ritual we have had for a very long time.
J says to me…
J…”Mom, can I talk to you privately after dinner.”
Me…”Of course Bug.”
Dinner ends-ish after my girl, E, and I inform the boys at the table they need to eat like humans and not animals…dinner was a success.
J and I walk down the stairs holding hands and sit on his bed.
…”Mom, I really like ____.” She is a beautiful Korean girl that sits next to him in class.
Me…”And…?”
J…”____and I talked about liking each other the other day and we decided we were boyfriend/girlfriend.”
J…”I think I love her."
Me…”Have you told your Dad?”
J…”Yes.”
J…”You can talk to ___parents and Dad about it if you want to but can we pinky swear you won’t tell anyone else?”
I know I’m blogging about this…he knows I didn’t use names and knows I am blogging about it…I asked him permission.
Me…”What do you think being a good boyfriend is about?”
J…”Helping her when she needs it and protecting her?”…with a quizzical look but a wizened voice.
Me…”Yes, it’s not about kissing, it’s about holding hands and helping one another.”
J…”Thanks Mom.”
Me…”I love you Bug.” and we held each other tightly for a moment.
Of course as we get older things change and get more complicated. Kissing is kind of important as is holding hands if we are lucky enough to find someone to hold our hand…
…and other stuff too… Support and understanding goes both ways, 90/10 sometimes but hopefully 50/50 most of the time.
This was clarity from a 7 year old…who will love many ‘girls’ I’m sure in the future…He’s gonna make a great boy friend!
Women Of A Certain Age
I have a friend that blogs…she’s my age and wears Trifocals
This is her latest entry…
http://losgatosdelinfierno.wordpress.com/2011/02/27/i-can-see-clearly-now/
I like her stuff, she’s witty woman...Simper FI!
Old is really perspective. I look young-ish (perspective), dress younger than I should (someone call Stacy and Clinton!) and I have a youthful attitude (maybe a more ‘who the fuck cares attitude' would be appropriate) …there are somethings that are not so young about me though...
As we women get older our bodies start turning to shit.
We gain weight we don’t want in places that horrify us…
…and we have to work out 3 times as hard to look twice as good as we did when we were in our twenties.
She got me thinking about what happens when I put my glasses on and the things I see clearly…
I hate going in my downstairs bathroom wearing my glasses. I’ll go in to pee and after I will wash my hands (I had to tell you that…because maybe you want to be like me (you will change your mind about wanting to be like me towards the end of this blog)….and if you want to be like me you wash your hands after you use the loo, that be the toilet my friends.) While I am washing my hands I inevitably gaze at my reflection in the mirror above my sink.
What greets my spectacled eyes is little black hairs at the corners of my all the sudden frowning mouth. I pick up the tweezers and start plucking away. I’m thankful to see them…so I can get rid of them.
Who else has seen them and didn’t tell me?!
When I am in the shower and shaving my legs I usually only shave the lower half…every couple weeks I’ll do my thighs. In the winter I pay no attention to detail…in the summer however things are different.
In the light of a bright day my very, very short wearing self will discover black hairs that I didn’t notice…
…I panic.
There are about 7 or 8 of them on the back of my thighs. I’m on my ass in front of my computer so much these not so little black hairs have gotten impacted into my thighs and there is no way I could have shaved off those mother fuckers.
My answer to my dilemma is simple.
As soon as the opportunity presents itself I head to my bathroom, put my legs up on the counter as I sit on my non-Japanese style toilet (I really want one of those one day)…Tweezers in one hand and a mirror in the other I proceed to rid the back of my thighs of my nemesi…nemese’s…nemisisis…(?)
There are so many other things other than black hairs that change on and in our bodies it can be a bit depressing.
I’m only 39. I’m pre-menopausal though…it’s early onset and a pain in my ass. (It doesn’t really make my ass hurt, it’s a figure of speech. So far my ass has been sparred any dire issues.)
Sweat glands…
The ones under our arms…
Last year I couldn’t stop the sweating under my arms. Antiperspirants didn’t work. I had sweat dripping off my elbows…this is NOT an exaggeration. I felt like a the God’s had played some lousy practical joke on me. I showed those mean old God’s...I fixed it, by being stuck under my arms with a needle filled with Botox, about 30 times under each arm. I cringed each time my Doc inserted the needle…not because of the pain but because I couldn’t stop thinking about how fabulous my face would look if I were using all that money on my wrinkled fivehead!
Pimples…
I used to have this face that was unblemished. With great infrequency I had to deal with pimples.
Now…I often have to go to sleep with toothpaste dotting my jaw line. Stress and out of sink hormones have made me look like a juxtaposed Dalmatian bitch as I climb into my bed at night. Thankfully no one has yet seen me climb into said bed at night to see this sad nightly event…although I do find myself laughing at my echo.
I used the word ’echo' because I feel like an echo of my former self these days.
Now on to our Vaginas…
My friend calls me up the other day, she’s a few years older than me and going through some of the same stuff…her issues are worse than mine at the moment.
Her…”So I went to the Doctor the other day my vagina wouldn’t stop itching!”
Me…”Yeah, a Doctor visit was a good idea in a case like that.”
Me…”What’d he say?”
Her…”Not in these words but he said I just have an old dried up pussy.”
I have had my period, lightly speaking, for about 5 months-ish. I don’t have a boyfriend but I do have a man in my life. (One day I would like him to be my boyfriend and I know he’s reading this and I am cracking my pre-menopausal self up…Can a pre-meopausal woman have a BOYfreind?) I feel worse for him than I do for me. Well, I feel bad for both of us. (He has never seen me climb in my bed looking like a juxtaposed Dalmatian bitch.) It takes a big man to deal with a woman like me, all my getting older issues and vanity.
If a man is gonna be by my side he needs to wear a size 17 1/2 shoe…he will need to have really good balance ‘cause this Libra has lost all of hers…hormonal and all!
Getting older is shitty. Keeping a perspective and mostly a sense of humor is my key to happiness…’cause it’s just gonna get worse from here!
This is her latest entry…
http://losgatosdelinfierno.wordpress.com/2011/02/27/i-can-see-clearly-now/
I like her stuff, she’s witty woman...Simper FI!
Old is really perspective. I look young-ish (perspective), dress younger than I should (someone call Stacy and Clinton!) and I have a youthful attitude (maybe a more ‘who the fuck cares attitude' would be appropriate) …there are somethings that are not so young about me though...
As we women get older our bodies start turning to shit.
We gain weight we don’t want in places that horrify us…
…and we have to work out 3 times as hard to look twice as good as we did when we were in our twenties.
She got me thinking about what happens when I put my glasses on and the things I see clearly…
I hate going in my downstairs bathroom wearing my glasses. I’ll go in to pee and after I will wash my hands (I had to tell you that…because maybe you want to be like me (you will change your mind about wanting to be like me towards the end of this blog)….and if you want to be like me you wash your hands after you use the loo, that be the toilet my friends.) While I am washing my hands I inevitably gaze at my reflection in the mirror above my sink.
What greets my spectacled eyes is little black hairs at the corners of my all the sudden frowning mouth. I pick up the tweezers and start plucking away. I’m thankful to see them…so I can get rid of them.
Who else has seen them and didn’t tell me?!
When I am in the shower and shaving my legs I usually only shave the lower half…every couple weeks I’ll do my thighs. In the winter I pay no attention to detail…in the summer however things are different.
In the light of a bright day my very, very short wearing self will discover black hairs that I didn’t notice…
…I panic.
There are about 7 or 8 of them on the back of my thighs. I’m on my ass in front of my computer so much these not so little black hairs have gotten impacted into my thighs and there is no way I could have shaved off those mother fuckers.
My answer to my dilemma is simple.
As soon as the opportunity presents itself I head to my bathroom, put my legs up on the counter as I sit on my non-Japanese style toilet (I really want one of those one day)…Tweezers in one hand and a mirror in the other I proceed to rid the back of my thighs of my nemesi…nemese’s…nemisisis…(?)
There are so many other things other than black hairs that change on and in our bodies it can be a bit depressing.
I’m only 39. I’m pre-menopausal though…it’s early onset and a pain in my ass. (It doesn’t really make my ass hurt, it’s a figure of speech. So far my ass has been sparred any dire issues.)
Sweat glands…
The ones under our arms…
Last year I couldn’t stop the sweating under my arms. Antiperspirants didn’t work. I had sweat dripping off my elbows…this is NOT an exaggeration. I felt like a the God’s had played some lousy practical joke on me. I showed those mean old God’s...I fixed it, by being stuck under my arms with a needle filled with Botox, about 30 times under each arm. I cringed each time my Doc inserted the needle…not because of the pain but because I couldn’t stop thinking about how fabulous my face would look if I were using all that money on my wrinkled fivehead!
Pimples…
I used to have this face that was unblemished. With great infrequency I had to deal with pimples.
Now…I often have to go to sleep with toothpaste dotting my jaw line. Stress and out of sink hormones have made me look like a juxtaposed Dalmatian bitch as I climb into my bed at night. Thankfully no one has yet seen me climb into said bed at night to see this sad nightly event…although I do find myself laughing at my echo.
I used the word ’echo' because I feel like an echo of my former self these days.
Now on to our Vaginas…
My friend calls me up the other day, she’s a few years older than me and going through some of the same stuff…her issues are worse than mine at the moment.
Her…”So I went to the Doctor the other day my vagina wouldn’t stop itching!”
Me…”Yeah, a Doctor visit was a good idea in a case like that.”
Me…”What’d he say?”
Her…”Not in these words but he said I just have an old dried up pussy.”
I have had my period, lightly speaking, for about 5 months-ish. I don’t have a boyfriend but I do have a man in my life. (One day I would like him to be my boyfriend and I know he’s reading this and I am cracking my pre-menopausal self up…Can a pre-meopausal woman have a BOYfreind?) I feel worse for him than I do for me. Well, I feel bad for both of us. (He has never seen me climb in my bed looking like a juxtaposed Dalmatian bitch.) It takes a big man to deal with a woman like me, all my getting older issues and vanity.
If a man is gonna be by my side he needs to wear a size 17 1/2 shoe…he will need to have really good balance ‘cause this Libra has lost all of hers…hormonal and all!
Getting older is shitty. Keeping a perspective and mostly a sense of humor is my key to happiness…’cause it’s just gonna get worse from here!
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