Adoption-Yes, I have a serious side.

My daughter comes to me this morning
…”Mom, why do some of the kids say you’re not my real Mom?”
Me…”Probably because you have a biological Mother as well, but we don’t know her do we?”
Her…”yeah, but why do they say that, even some of my friends that were adopted say it.”
Me…”Did God pick me to be your Mother?”
Her…”Yes” She says with a radiant smile.
Me…”Do we have so much in common it’s silly isn’t it. We love music and art and dead stuff walking around.”
Her…”Yeah we do!” as she giggles.
(I am also thinking the one thing we don’t have in common is that she is really good at math and I am not, a blessing for sure.)
Her…”Ok, thanks Mom.”

When I was 27 my now ex-husband and I found out I couldn’t conceive a child without help from a good Doctor.  Because of my youth, I was a prime candidate to conceive with either artificial insemination or invitro-fertilization. We went with artificial insemination as it was less intrusive. I had already under gone surgery to check out my ‘insides’ and I wasn’t up for more invasive procedures.
We were living in south Georgia at the time and my Dr. was in Jacksonville, Fl. I would give myself shots almost daily and a week or so before I was to ovulate I would drive every other day by myself the 2 1/2 to 3 hours in the wee hours of the morning to make my appointments and see if I was producing eggs that were viable. It didn’t work…thankfully.
It was my body, my choice and on the long drive back (my ex-husband was with me this time) after finding out that the last procedure didn’t work I told him I couldn’t take the drugs anymore. They had messed with my vision and I couldn’t drive for several hours after I gave myself the shots. I DIDN’T like having to give myself shots either. It just wasn’t worth it so that made Invitro OUT! We talked, he was so understanding.
…”What about adoption?” JINKS! We said it at almost the same time.
I was very young and had heard stories of Biological Parents changing their minds, hours or even days later. I had actually felt the heart break of those would be parents and their shattered dreams. I also understood the pain of those willing to give their child up for what ever reason. I knew I was not mature enough to handle a domestic adoption.
“Let’s check out China.”
Months of paperwork, tons of money and many visits from social workers to determine we were fit to become parents, we got notice that we had been accepted to the program. Then a bomb dropped and we were told much to my dismay that we could no longer continue with the Chinese program. Our agency had regretfully not realized my age, I was ONLY 28 my ex-husband was 35 (or 36, I can’t remember;). You have to be at least 30 to adopt from China. I was so upset; it was my fault again, in my eyes it was all on me. I had never felt so rejected by the world, the universe and all there is. My Ex, family and friends were very supportive.
I picked myself up, yet again, and said, let’s try somewhere else.
So, Peru it was…2 years after starting the adoption process (including the China program) we became parents to an amazingly beautiful 6 month old baby girl. (It was 2001) She was living in an orphanage in Lima and been taken care of by some wonderful Nuns and volunteers. She was healthy and happy. We spent a month in Peru finalizing the paperwork. Her first time on an airplane she flew 9 hours First Class all the way home to Virginia…we had moved from GA by then.

We wanted another child…
“Let’s go to Korea this time.”
We started the process while in VA and then moved to Japan. We had to find an independent certified social worker, of which there was only one on the island where we lived. My Ex was awesome dotting the I’s and crossing the T’s. One year later we were traveling to Korea to pick up our son. (2003)
Our Son was 6 months old and had been living in foster care, he also was happy and healthy. We were SO blessed.
We had decided before, 1 child per hand, one per parent…We thought that would be easiest, and also less expensive, as adoption is very expensive.

Six months later and several days after our Sons 1st birthday we received a call from our Social Worker on the island. She had a Birth Mother that didn’t know when she was due, had not had any pre-natel care and was looking for parents for this child she had conceived under circumstances that were personal. It was a Sunday afternoon, I’ll never forget it. We had not planned on more children, I had just gotten rid of the baby clothes. I tell her we will call her back.
Ex...”It’s up to you. You do all the work with them.”
Me…”Ok, then, yes. She might not even like us...”
This would be a domestic adoption even though we lived in Japan. I now felt I was mature enough to handle almost any situation.
I waited an hour, I didn’t want to sound desperate.
I call back our Social Worker
Me…”Ok, you can give her our number.”
SW…”She has a couple other potential parents as well so I’ll let her know.”
The Biological Mother calls me on Monday and we talked forever, and she says she would like to meet me tomorrow, a Tuesday. My Ex didn’t want to meet her, so it was me and my 2 children. She comes over and we get along great and she tells me…
“I knew right away yesterday I wanted you to be the mother of this child.”
This Woman is incredible in my eyes, beautiful, strong and loving, making a difficult choice.
She didn’t know her due date but it was obvious she was far along. She says she will call me when she goes into labor.
I call my Ex up at work and tell him...
“Congratulations, your gonna be a Dad! I don’t know when and I don’t know if it’s a girl or a boy.”
I also call my very good friend, the wife of my ex’s boss.
Me...“Hey, there. I just wanted to give you a heads up that I might be getting another child, but I don’t know when.”
Her…”How wonderful! Yada, yada, yada…let me know if I can do anything to help out.” in her lovely southern accent.
In the back of my mind I was thinking, ’this might not happen, she can change her mind, just be as strong as you possibly can.'
That night we head to the store to pick up 'new baby' essentials, onesies, a car seat and items like that.
I get a call Wednesday morning at 3am.
BM…”I’m in labor.”
Me…”I’ll come pick you up.”
BM…”No, I can drive myself, just meet me there.”
Me…”ok” with hesitancy
I get there and she is on the table and the doctor is looking for the babies heart beat. She can’t find it, she keeps listening, still can’t find it. I turn away to hide my eyes, I’m crying. I am thinking I have lost this child that I had already fell in love with. She finally finds it…
She pushed and pushed, it didn’t take long.

A BABY BOY! I was a mom yet again! He was handed to me, she didn’t want to see him. I cut his cord and kissed him, yes with all that gross baby stuff. I didn’t care. I loved him.
His adoption is closed like my other 2.

There is more to this story of course and I will blog again about adoption for it is something that has blessed me beyond words. God chose these people for me to love, care for, to teach and protect.
I AM their Mother.