Movies Vs Reality: Friends With Benefits

Love Stories: Movie ones Vs Reality…
Love Stories: Friends With Benefits.
Love Stories: No Strings Attached.
Love Stories: Movies ones Vs Reality...

My taste in films differs then that of the 'normal' girl.
My girl friends drag me along to the theater every few months. I’m not on the selection committee. They take me to see those silly 'love' stories.
You know the kind I am talking about?
They are about as quickly written as a box of instant mashed potatoes is cooked, both leave an odd aftertaste as well. Some people like instant mashed potatoes.

Those kind of films also make me SAD. I despise being sad, it is just THE most unrealistic crap.

I also have observed that they give women/girls the wrong idea…I’m sorry ladies/girl’s there is no such thing as a knight in shining armor, carriage rides or any such crap thing.
I’ll cover more of this at the end of this TrainWreck Blog.

I look at these films as…
...'I think there is a better chance of something paranormal happening to me before love.'
I don’t like instant mashed potatoes.

Last night we went to see 'Friends With Benefits'…
SuppoSadly Supposedly a modern day love story.
Is there really such a thing as a modern day love story?

Justin is…”Emotionally unavailable."
Mila is…”Emotionally damaged."
…Helllloooooooo…if you are single you are probably either one or the other or you are so ‘emotionally damaged’ you become 'emotionally unavailable’!
…and with time and experience it becomes a dreadful spiral down into an abyss...
Have you met me yet?


The negatives…
…It was sold as a ROMANTIC comedy.
However, just like the film 'Bridesmaids', in the trailer they didn’t show anything pertaining to a serious undertone…
…Having to deal with a family member that has oldtimers alzheimer’s.
My GodMother, a beautiful, intelligent, strong woman….and WAY to young…has alzheimer's. I didn’t want to think about my cousins and my GodFather having to deal with this so sad degenerative disease and her own struggle knowing what’s happening to her!
I wanted to laugh…not get all introspective!…again!
…It went on forever…


The positives…
…The trailers did not show every funny bit of the film…they were a few more…
…Justin Timberlake has an amazing body and I got to see is ass butt...
…I love seeing Flash Mobs...
…I liked Mila’s Mom’s character and Woody Harrelson is hilarious...
…It was much better than 'No Strings Attached’…

If you want to watch a really good ‘Love’ story…

There are a couple of ROMANTIC stories I do like, adore them is more appropriate probably. These were written with thought and depth…they are real to me. Real to me like butter is real…not that fake margarine hogwash. (I’m continuing my reference to mashed potatoes…use butter!)

'Like Water For Chocolate’
I never watch the dubbed version. The Spanish is the best. It’s a love story I understand, fraught with food, love, deception, family quarrels and...I’ll mention again the food. It’s probably my favorite movie of all time if anyone asked me, “What’s you’re favorite movie of all time?” I would answer, ‘Like Water For Chocolate’.
Gertrudis, Mama Elena, Rosaura, Pedro and my hero, Tita.
Tita is the daughter of Elena. Tita is a brilliant cook. She puts her heart, soul and feelings into everything she makes. As she does this those feelings are transferred to those that eat her food, be it happiness, sadness or something a little more on the erotic side…I dream of people feeling the emotions I put into the food I make. I thirst that I could have the prowess Tita has in La Cocina.
I am not gonna give you a low down on the whole film. If you’ve never seen it, you should.
I also own the book, it’s pages turned with love many times.

Another of my other favorite love stories is..

‘The End Of The Affair’.
It’s a strange love story that takes place during the London Blitz. It’s about two Men who love one Woman. I find the heart of this movie places some in an uncomfortable position. I will repeat, I find the heart of this movie places some in an uncomfortable position. I cry every time I watch it.
…It’s a REAL story about love.
………………………………….

I’ve been on maybe 10 real dates in the last 2 years…Holyshit…It’s been 3, not 2 years…
I’ve had FWB/NSA/FB and the such..hell, we all have needs…I’m not ashamed…
…I however have coined another more polite name for it…
…In HomeDating…
I do not however have one night stands.

It’s actually easy to compartmentalize and NOT get involved emotionally with someone.
…and much safer.

A bit of advice ladies/girls…

…If you want flowers buy them yourself.

…If you want a Knight in shining armor learn to fight for yourself.

…Some men are actually just as emotionally unstable as women.

…Let go of your idea of an ideal man…everyone has some issues and you should date out of your box once in awhile. This isn’t me telling to lower your standards…you should NOT do that, not ever. 

…The moment your sixth sense tells you it’s wrong…it is…GET OUT!

…On-line dating is stupid.

…When on a first date…

If you like him let him pay.

If you don’t like him go dutch.

…When on a second date…

If you like him YOU pay.

If you don’t like him…you should not be out with him.

Tell your friends with who and where you are going…and let them know when you get home.

…Be yourself…even if you are a totally dork.

…Don’t try to be all cool, that makes you NOT cool.

…Sex…If you have a 3rd or 5th date rule…you are a grown up. Stop with the rules. I have rules and wish I didn’t because whenever I break them I either miss out or…well, it wasn’t worth my naked time.

I consider my writing/blog a warning/caution sign for men…

I don’t need saving.  

…Men want to save…and they think they can…they can’t. 

Note…I’ve noticed that many men I have been with end up with a needy, on the verge of psycho, drama queen. 

I wonder what attracts them to these attributes?

It confuses the shit out of me.

I’m not that. 

…Ok, The above statement could be argued…My POV is that if there is/was any drama it was created by THEM not me…and I would argue that point till you are sick of my voice!

If I was I probably would have a boy-friend.

I am emotionally damaged therefor emotionally unavailable.

…but the ride down into the emotional void abyss is only temporary for me…because I always have company…

…The Un-Holy Trinity that makes Me, Myself and I…Kristin.

Texting and Dating

I logged on to Plenty Of Fish yesterday for the first time in days. Not to look or search but to read messages. Hopefully to gather fodder for this ridiculous blog of mine.
As soon as I log on I get instant messaged by some guy freak. He wants to know when the last time I...
…”You know…”

What the fuck!?!

I’m mortified. I can’t log off fast enough.

I don’t want to meet anyone on-line.

I really want to delete myself from the site.
I think I have enough blog material with out it!
Dating is something I would like to do, but NOT this way.
…and I would rather go dateless than put myself on parade.
I need to figure out how to though. Posting a naked pic of myself is out and that’s the only way I can think of to do it.

Maybe I’m old fashioned. Don’t laugh at that…I could be old fashioned. If independent, opinionated, Wiccan women could be considered old fashioned. I guess I would be VERY, VERY old fashioned, like that of the time when the Oracle of Delphi was thought to be powerful and respected.

When it comes to Men…I am a bit old fashioned. I would like them to take the reins….old school.

I’ve blogged and blogged about relationships/Men and Women and it seems I always have something to say.

I’m NEVER sure of a Man’s intentions with me…I like to give them the benefit of the doubt. Although my Oracle-ness does give me a heads up…I just ignore it to often.

Now that I have finished rambling on and on about things…
On to my topic of the day…

Texting…

As a single person in 2011 texting is prevalent. Calling is almost unheard of.

I like texting, no one can hear me yell at my children. I would however love a call once in awhile.
Sometimes my single girlfriends and I are at a bit of a loss...

When DO you text a man?

We are not desperate Women. Some of us are actively looking for a relationship, some are not…ok, who isn’t looking for a relationship? If one fell into our lap, I think we would take it…to include me. There are a lot of stars that must align before I will enter into a relationship though.

2011...
The 3 day rule is out and over rated as far as I’m concerned. A ridiculous memento of the '90’s.
If you think there are rules you are severely mistaken.
….Is that what’s wrong with me? That I don’t play by the rules and the only game I like to play is Angry Birds?

Do you text a man that you like everyday?
Every other day?
Just text him back after he texts you?

I wonder what Men think…are they left in the same predicament we Women are?
The…
…”I don’t know what I’m doing.’
…”I don’t want her to think I’m desperate.”

If I’m interested in a man…
I’ll text him whenever I desire.
In the back of my mind though….
... I don’t want to get in their way. (This is with ALL my friends, male and female…I do not want to seem a bother.)
They might be busy.

I don’t have a some fabulous social life.
Yes, it’s a fun life filled with my girl friends and me doing comical things, or heading to the pool with my Children…but as far as Men are concerned, it’s a quiet life.

I would like a monogamous relationship with a non misogynist that doesn’t mind me texting random shit through out the day…and understands I am an old fashioned Wiccan Woman.
I will text till my heart desires….with fervor.
I have decided, just like that.

…and on-line dating…I’m to old fashioned for that shit. I would rather be single forever.

I Can’t Make My Life Up.

The strange occurrences, and coincidences in my life have me reeling and bent over laughing from confusion and just plain ol’ down right…

…”HOLY SHIT! I can’t not believe this IS happening!”

Thursday/Friday this is what happened…I have to go backwards…and back in time too.

I’ll start with Friday morning.
Friday I turn on the news and the weather man on my local channel is staring back at me…Holy Crap...It’s my friend and favorite bartender who I thought had stopped that gig, he’s filling in.
I have to attend my Children’s assemblies…Holy Crap…In walks one of my Gym Guy friends…I didn’t know his son went to the same school as my Children?

(Normal…lets get to the abnormal now.)

My experiment with on line dating went awry. I met this really nice guy. No, seriously, NICE. He had nothing to offer me but, niceness. He’s good looking’, sweet, can hold a conversation…there are a few things that are bit difficult for me to take but I figure I can deal…he has a serious case of adHd…Capital HHHHHHHH.
Whatever. I know I’m a lot to handle and I think maybe he can handle me…

And yes, I will blog about it because I can’t make my life up. It’s fucked up fun and this planet is a small one…as is this town I live in, the second largest city in Colorado…and I just found out how small it really is.

Ok...I meet this guy on line, we click, we click well. I give him the low down on me and he seems to get it…I’m tough to take and I live out loud on-line….although we know I have to edit.

I call F3 who has since moved to fill her in on some stuff happen’ and I really miss her. I tell her about this on-line guy. I describe him and she asks me his last name…and HOLY SHIT…she tells me…
F4…”OMG, F10 totally went out with him and really liked him. He just stopped calling her…yada,yada, yada…”
Me…”Fuck! I can’t do this. I have to break it off with him.”
My friends are everything to me. I will not hurt one, on purpose, ever. I didn’t know they had dated…(more to this but I need to edit)

I hadn’t decided yet if I wanted this to be exclusive anyway…but I was pretty sure he liked me way to much and I was going to destroy and crush him.
This was sadly easy for me to do. To shut off all emotions for someone. Dude like tendencies are awesome to have in this situation. I also think there was a reason, deep down inside this was easy for me…as always something was missing and my soul is an empty abyss. Ok, it’s really not.

Now we must travel back in time….To St. Patricks 2010.
The best Wednesday ever. The girls and I head downtown on a whim in the middle of the day at 11:00am to celebrate at an Irish bar. I meet this adorable guy, lets call him Super C. He’s getting divorced, nothing final yet…we take pictures together, whoop it up have a great time...and I leave.

Fast forward to September 11th 2010…I’m out with the girls in a crowded bar. Someone slipped me a roofie. I have rules, I go home with who I came with. This strange occurrence that you hear about actually happened to me. I don’t know what happened it was like that Movie “The Hangover”…I was the star…but I didn’t get to see it.
I gathered as much information as I could from other people and my memory of events…

My memory...

I’m at a bar downtown, it’s really crowded.
I wake up the next morning in F11’s bed.

What I have gathered from others…

F10 and F11 are chilling and I am chatting with someone.
5 Min. later, they can’t find me.
They look all over for me. I’m nowhere to be found.
F11 gets a call from me around 12ish.
The Police it seems have picked me…
(I had called a friend of mine the next day who’s husband is a police officer to see if he could find out who had picked me…to no avail.)
F11 comes to pick me up and she brings me to her house.
I heard that I was saying…
Me…”Wow, he’s a really cute cop. I think he likes me.”
F11…”Be quiet and just get in the car.”
No, I didn’t get arrested. I have never been arrested and don’t want to be.

…I found out this Thursday, St. Patricks day…while F1, F2 and I were whooping’ it up again downtown in the middle of the day…and who do we see as soon as we walk in Super C!

We start talking...

…It was Super C that had picked me up…and had remembered me. He’s a Police Officer.

He’s now divorced. 

He’s still adorable. 

He has seen me at my worst…

He want’s my number.

Oh, I give him my number!

We had lunch yesterday.

Only a handful of my friends knew that I had been roofied. It was something I wasn’t really excited about…I’m sure you can imagine. I don’t think I was taken advantage of. I was found in tack if you will.

I told one of my Brothers last night. I hadn’t told ANYONE in my family. I didn’t want them to worry.  

…and I live in a really SMALL town.

On-Line dating Is Like a Garage Sale

I have just decided that On-Line dating is like going to a garage sale.

The serious people show up early. Waking you from your slumber…knocking on your door curious about your ‘wears’.

There is one difference I can think of.
Shopper settings…
I was able to change my settings on Plenty Of Fish so if people are looking for an “Intimate Encounter” or if they were “Married” they could not contact me.
There was no “creepy or whack job” setting, sadly.
You can’t put on your garage sale sign, “No jackasses please!"

If you have been to a garage sale and had a look around at all the people there you will see a variable plethora, from the pirate to the princess…just like if you are looking at all the stuff strewn across tables in a driveway you will find all sorts of goods.

On-Line dating is the same except we are putting ourselves up for sale out on the table.

We are the goods for sale. 

We are also the shopper.

The teddy bear that was once loved and someone grew tired of, or grew up and didn’t want it any more.
The cracked tea pot that once held water, now just drips tears because someone didn’t care for it.
The tattered carpet, that someone walked all over.
The rusty gas grill, that was up graded and replaced with a newer shinier model.
The set of dishes, that was bought when someone was young, because they didn’t know what they really wanted and just wanted something to have their dinner with.

Then there are the hidden treasures one hopes to find.
The Picasso that someone didn’t realize the value.
The childhood toy, the memories flooding back with delight at their find.
The perfect tchotchke you can take home to Mom.

Normal people show up hoping to find that diamond in the ruff.
There are also the hoarders that show up, just wanting to add more stuff to their already cluttered messy life.

Then there’s me perusing the goods with no intent to buy commit for I left my wallet heart in my car this black hole I have become. I suppose if I find something I like I can run to my car and retrieve my wallet look deep into myself and see if there is anything left but cynicism.  I did however still put myself on the the table for sale.

With on-line dating you are the integral part of THE Garage sale…You put a sticker on yourself with a  description. Hoping someone will “pick you up”, take you home and care for you.

I didn’t put a price on myself.

I’m Judging

Up-“date”…No, I’m not GOING on any date right now.

I’ve looked at pictures, read profiles and judged…isn’t what this is about Judging someone, deciding if you want to talk to them maybe, big maybe, meet them? I’m being judged as well, for the same purpose.

I just got an IM…”Hows the experiment coming along?”
Me…”It’s quite an undertaking.”
I’m not at all interested in this guy.
Should I feel bad?
He wanted to have coffee…I declined, with grace I hope. He probably thinks I’m a total bitch…He’s right.

I put it out there that this was a “A Scientific Experiment”.
You can probably find me on POF.com. I could care less if you do or don’t.

One of the messages I received came with a picture of a very attractive 28 year old. He’s laying on a sofa. I swear he has nothing on, but the pic stops just in time…
Nahhhhh…I don’t think that’s what I’m gonna go for.

Another guy that sent me a message is married…there was no picture. If you are married, should you be on a dating web site? I’m not judging, just asking. We all know I have liked myself a married man in the past.

I’m not doing this to be mean…I am a curious kitten.

So if this is a scientific experiment/experience I should have a question and a hypothesis. (Like my daughters 3rd grade science fair project.)

I’m gonna work on this for a bit and come up with a plan…it seems I’ve leaped…now I am looking.

I will take your ideas into consideration…with concerns to question and hypothesis.

Plenty Of Fish

Last night I’m sitting around with my neighbor K. Our children and her ”rat” for a dog were running around my home.
We come up with an Un-Holy plan. To entertain her, you and me.

Plenty Of Fish…
…are there really plenty of fish in the sea?
I tried on-line dating once. It didn’t work out so well, but I was serious back then. This time around I am SO NOT serious. I put it out there too, that I was NOT serious.

We all know I have NO luck with men. The men I meet think I’m going through some, “Stage”…My life IS a STAGE where I live…on stage for all to see. These men usually “Exit left” but remain my friends, thankfully.

So…I fill out the questionnaire.
Choices for answers are…strongly agree, somewhat agree, somewhat disagree, strongly disagree…(I think, I did it last night….hours ago.)

In no particular order…
#?. I believe there is more than one way to do something correctly?
…Wrong hole!
#31. Is it important that I get married soon?
…Who would agree with that?
Lucky #13. I can resist temptation easily.
…hmmmm;)
#9. Do I want my children to speak English?
…That’s a mail order bride question.
#21. Do I think highly of myself?
…HELLOOOOoooo, yeah.
#22. Would I like to have children in the near future?
…I wish the ones climbing all over me now would just let me answer this silly questionnaire.
#47. Am I sensitive to other peoples feelings?
…this is debatable.

Submit test
Holy shit! That was a test?!

So there K and I are looking at a bunch of pics…
Me…”There’s a lot of guys named ‘chat’.”
Me…”Oh look he’s cute. Here’s a picture of him in a cubical…I wonder if he’s saying…”I have a job?”
K…”Or maybe he just borrowed someones office and webcam.”
Me…”Oh look! He has a CAR!”
Yes, do you have a car was one of the questions.


This morning I woke to 40 messages…and a Chemistry profile that they prepared for me...

The profile explains a lot…
“Given the strong degree of confidence you have it is no surprise that you get along well with others...yada, yada, yada…you shouldn’t have much difficulty in romance, at least not initially…yada, yada, yada…however, over time, the high standards that you have for yourself could potential frustrate your partner.”

I will take you on this adventure with me…keep in mind my goal is not to actually find someone. That would be fruitless. If I want fruit, I’ll just go buy an apple.

I did give myself a job on the site…BLOGGER!

 

Am I My Own Worst Enemy?

I said I wouldn’t blog about it…but every time I say I won’t do something…the Universe says…
…”Oh yes you will!”

The Oxygen Channel has a saying …”Live Out Loud.”
I could run that channel….that motto is real life for me, as is “Get out of the box and kick it to the curb."

Is there REALLY a "condition" on love???? -Ellen, Saturday 5:07pm
My answer to that was…
…”Take me as I am.”

It’s probably the most difficult thing I have/will ever ask of someone.
My best guy and girl friends love me unconditionally, but I am not their partner, just their friend.

Friday night I went out on a group Date night with my friends and their spouses. I was the only one without a date.
I posted pics of me and some men, and women, that were touching me, probably in ways that could be construed as inappropriate. They were my friends, not strangers, and their spouses were right there. Nothing was going to happen other than the “photo op” for my blog.
…”Who Cares Anyway?”

Some men are attracted to, forgive the categorization, the plain Jane. The white picket fence, typical sweater set wearing woman who comes off as non threatening. (I’m not saying she isn’t a strong woman without opinions…or beautiful.)
Other men are initially attracted to someone like me, a free spirit that says things and does things that some (not all or most) would like to. I say initially because as soon as they realize that this person they are attracted to is the REAL me, and not some act, they are put off, and run for the hills.
There seem to be a lot of hills around me…plenty of places to run…and many reason TO run.

The fact that I am even blogging about this can frighten someone off. I refuse to hold my tongue.

I must be accepted as nothing less, or more, than I am.
In return, I will accept you.

I will not compromise the un-holy trinity of the Me, Myself and I that I am.
I’m living out loud in my glass house, at the curb is the box, packed in it is my panties.

I find it comical that I typed all this out because in general I spend the majority of my time by my-self to include weekends…not getting in or making Trouble.

Who Really Cares?

Last night was Date Night…I was Date-less…long story, yada, yada, yada.

F1, F2 and their spouses picked me up…I thought we were having drinks first…out…turned out we were having drinks at my place.
Surprise!

I’m prepared with tons of alcohol…F1’s spouse does some Tequila shots. We ladies have a vodka cocktail and F2’s spouse is drinken’ nothing’…He’s driven’.

We have our beverages and head downtown to meet our other friends…there are a total of 13 of us…13 is a lucky number…I was glad to help them out;)…and make it a great odd number.

Side note…I was fine hanging out with all my married friends I do it all the time. I did NOT feel like the 13th wheel.

I did not tell my friends that I had a goal…a picture goal…and a Facebook goal.

I wanted to take pictures of myself with my friends doing…really not that outrageous things…but could be construed as such through the eyes of jackasses.
...no drinks in hand.

The reason I wanted to do this was because I had read an article awhile back about a teacher being fired because while she was on vacation (lets see how long I can make this run on sentence go) in Germany or Ireland she had some photos taken and posted them on Facebook…drink in hand, several of them…Ooooooo. Big fucking deal.
The school had a 0 alcohol tolerance. I don’t know why the Superintendent of the school, or who ever fired her thought it was any of their business or how on earth it would effect the school because this teacher had some ‘drinks’…but I guess someone thought it would be detrimental to their school system. Whatever…

If I was a teacher I would drink a lot…
Can I drink more than I already do?

People are getting fired over Tweets, Status Up-dates and such on social networks.
I live my life on-line-ish…
The other day on the Today Show someone said you should never post any picture of yourself with ANY drink in hand.

I don’t have a real job, don’t want one. Well, I do, just not a 9-5 gig.

The pictures I sent via my Spyder (my phone) and posted on FB were SO not that innocent but I did not have ONE drink in my hand.
I have over 500 pictures of myself on FB…many of them…drink in hand.

Drink shmink…

I was wasted! So were many of my freinds … and it was obvious!
Some of my friends were completely sober…they look drunk though.

(I’m waiting for permission from my friends to use their likeness aka photos on here…They have real jobs and might work for Jackasses…)

Perspective….

Who really fucking cares?
Get your panties out of a wad!

Dating Advice For My Children

There they were, my three children eating their Monster Eyes (egg in the middle of toast), blueberry bread and strawberries for breakfast. I’m not sure how the conversation started but 'boyfriend/girlfriend’ stuff came up. It could have been them discussing the previous day, Valentines Day and all their candy and cards they had received.

So I have…
E, girl, age 9...
J, boy, age 7...
D, boy, age 6…

D, has had the same ‘girlfriend’ since he met her two and half years ago. I don’t know how or when they declared themselves 'boyfriend and girlfriend’ but much to the dismay of her Mother, F1 and I, they are an ‘item’.

J, does not have a girlfriend, but would like to have one.

E, just sat through the whole chat with a look of disgust on her sweet face.

I am aware that they are too young to date.

D…”It’s easy, you first have to find out their name.”
J…”I know that!…and then ask them if they already have a boyfriend and then if they don’t ask them if I can be theirs.”
J…”I asked ____ if she had a boyfriend and she said she did.”
D…”Oh…then ask someone else.”
J…”I really, really like____though."

I was wondering if he was just keeping his options open.

Fast forward two weeks…

We are sitting at dinner tonight, pasta, sausage and tons of veggies, that include spinach, mushrooms and asparagus in a cream sauce. I had forewarned them that they were not allowed to complain about it.

We are discussing what they had for lunch, fajitas if you were interested in knowing and only my youngest liked them. And…Their good parts/bad parts of the day, a ritual we have had for a very long time.

J says to me…
J…”Mom, can I talk to you privately after dinner.”
Me…”Of course Bug.”

Dinner ends-ish after my girl, E, and I inform the boys at the table they need to eat like humans and not animals…dinner was a success.

J and I walk down the stairs holding hands and sit on his bed.
…”Mom, I really like ____.” She is a beautiful Korean girl that sits next to him in class.
Me…”And…?”
J…”____and I talked about liking each other the other day and we decided we were boyfriend/girlfriend.”
J…”I think I love her."
Me…”Have you told your Dad?”
J…”Yes.”
J…”You can talk to ___parents and Dad about it if you want to but can we pinky swear you won’t tell anyone else?”

I know I’m blogging about this…he knows I didn’t use names and knows I am blogging about it…I asked him permission.

Me…”What do you think being a good boyfriend is about?”
J…”Helping her when she needs it and protecting her?”…with a quizzical look but a wizened voice.
Me…”Yes, it’s not about kissing, it’s about holding hands and helping one another.”
J…”Thanks Mom.”
Me…”I love you Bug.” and we held each other tightly for a moment.


Of course as we get older things change and get more complicated. Kissing is kind of important as is holding hands if we are lucky enough to find someone to hold our hand…
…and other stuff too… Support and understanding goes both ways, 90/10 sometimes but hopefully 50/50 most of the time.
This was clarity from a 7 year old…who will love many ‘girls’ I’m sure in the future…He’s gonna make a great boy friend!

Valentines day

Did ya think I was gonna blog about, candy, flowers and love?
Nahhh….it’s about my frustrating day;) although love and flowers are mentioned.

My day started wonderfully!
I woke to a message from one of my best friends who’s friendship over flows my love bucket on a daily basis. He lives so far from me though, we never get to see each other. Right now he is in Afghanistan, the AF gave him a year long trip. The year, thank the God’s is almost up now…

I was looking forward to spending time with my CSRM’s for a Valentines breakfast at Panera and getting ready for the day.
Before I got in the shower I had used my usual 1/4 box of Glad Press and Seal around my bandages on my leg hoping this time I did it correctly as to not soak my wrap. I have only gotten this correct twice so far…I’m ready to get my bandages off, it’s not time yet though.
I’m getting frustrated!

While I was in the shower I got a text from F1 hoping that we could all go to DSW after breakfast. I also have Re-hab for my leg and my middle child had signed me up for his Valentines party at school…I really had to get my shit together to get to do all the things I wanted to do…but I couldn’t find something to wear!

Then I get a text…
…’Happy Valentines day Sweetie!’
It brightens my mood as I hunted and pecked for something decent to wear…to NO avail!

I can’t get over my vanity!
I have to wear this compression thigh high on one leg and my other leg is all bandaged up. I have three pairs of pants I can wear comfortably. I can wear ONE of my 23 pairs of jeans, the others are all to tight around my bandages (and I hate the jeans I CAN wear).…and 4 pairs of boots and tennis shoes. I can’t even wear ballerina flats because of the compression ‘sock’ thingy. I have closet’s of shoes and clothes that whisper to me while I sleep, I think they miss me too.

The homely clothes I have to wear and this disfigured leg that is repulsing me. My muscles in my once attractive leg have been decimated and getting worse by the day. My knee looks like a mammoth onion with two roots. It will get even worse from here before it gets better.
I want to be pretty again.
To walk my little sexy walk instead of limping around with an exoskeleton wrapped around my right leg so that I CAN walk.
My frustration is at a high point right now.

I head to breakfast with my friends and order a salad. Breakfast food is not my thing, so I order what I WANT.
We are chatting about schools, teachers and children that refuse to behave and bullies.
F1’s daughter is moving on to middle school next year and we have all heard horror stories. F10 is a middle school councilor. I am shocked at the things I’m hearing. I was a semi-good kid myself. I would never have been the bully so I don’t understand how parents let their child get away with bad behavior. When I was in High School I ‘partied’ a bit, but I was nice about it.

In my frustration I’m in a need to rant and rabble.

As a parent your job is to teach your children to behave like civilized beings that are responsible for their actions. I do comprehend that there are some children with ADHD, Aspergers and other behavior issues. I throughly believe that they can also be taught to behave accordingly. Sadly there are some parents that can’t behave themselves and make excuses for their children’s behavior.
I always hear from teachers and such about parents of children that will not behave. These parents can not seem to fathom that THEIR child would be a disruption to MY child’s schooling!
This makes me a bit angry.
We talk about the bulling and I encourage them to sign their children up at The Defense Institute.
These parent’s also are disrespectful to the teachers. Not every teacher is great, I’m not stupid, but at the school my children attend the teachers are fantastic, the administration well put together and the office staff friendly and caring.

Today I was limping to get my children. James the cross walk guy, and my friend, yes, my friend, was standing in the middle of the road with his placard that says STOP….a woman seemingly decided that the rules of the road did not apply to her and almost hit me. I stood there in my state of vexation, with James, I looked at her and pointed to his sign in all the bitchiness I could muster.
The bell rings and I collect my children.
Over the loud speaker I hear…
... “Will the owner of a grey honda please move your vehicle, it is blocking ALL the traffic to the school.”
Someone thought they were special. They had left their car unattended in the piss and drop lane to get their children.
At an assembly last month the principal had to ask the parents to be considerate and not yell at the teachers trying to get said parents children in and out of cars and to not leave cars unattended in the piss and drop lane. This outrages me.
I DON’T think I’m special, I park on a side street, legally, to retrieve my children.

I think I’m done for now ranting about ‘special’ people.

I have to retrace my steps now and go back in time to earlier in the day.

I get to DSW and meet F1, F2 and F10. F1 is on a mission for some new black heels. I wander around in my hopeless state getting more and more depressed and aware of my homely circumstance. I’m looking at the shoes realizing that even when I will be able to don one of my many heeled beauties that I will be scared I’ll fall, and hurt my knee again.
Will I even be able TO walk in them the way I did before?
F1 and F2 are walking around DSW in shoes that they desire, feeling them out…
I say to F2…
…”Well, you have sweated all in those Mother Fuckers you better buy them now.”
They are lovely set and I am green with envy.
F10 and I are looking at purses. F10 and I are relatively new friends. F1 introduced her to us to her when she moved here. I think I like her, she’s pretty funny and seems to handle my humor, very necessary if you are going to be my friend . She has a tiny little wallet with her. She’s thinking about buying a big ol’ bag. She’s like I used to be. I just moved to ‘the big purse’ awhile back, filling them with everything I can find. She picks out a black one. It’s nice but I encourage her to try a winter white one. A tad more stylish  and it can be used with almost everything. I say…
…”I may not look like a personal stylist, but I am one, you should listen to me.”
We start talking about going out. We have a date night planned, we are inviting all the spouse’s  to go out with us.
Me…”I really want to ask him to be my date. I just don’t know my boundaries.”
F10…”Well,  just ask him.”
Me…”It’s complicated, he’s married.” (stick with me, it’s not THAT bad.)
F10…”Well, maybe you shouldn’t ask him.” As she laughs. I’ve just completely invited and accepted her into my screwed up life.
Me…”It’s not like it sounds. He’s been separated for years. I just don’t know if he would be comfortable  being with me in public.”
Don’t hate me or judge me for this.
You sometimes can’t help who you like and giving something a chance is something I need to do. I need to do this for him as much as me.

It’s time to go and I need to head off to Re-Hab. I like my therapist. He’s an attractive ‘ginger’ a couple years older than me. He has a really good sense of humor and makes fun of me with ease…always at my expense.
This time as he unwrapped my bandages he says…
…”Look it’s snowing inside.”
As my dry skin flakes off everywhere. I’m nauseated that someone has to see this part of me, AND has to touch me there to stretch my knee back. He has encouraging words for me and tells me I’m doing well and that he thinks I’ll be able to cycle today, full rotations this time.
I get on the cycle and I win. He leaves me for a bit and I start playing 'Angry Birds’. (refer to 'Drive and Determination' blog;)…He comes back and sees me playing in my obsessive manner and asks me…
G…”How far are you.”
Me…”I have one more golden egg to get and then I’m done. How far are you?”
G…”No where near as far as you. If I give you my phone can you help me out.”
This is a ridiculous conversation between two adults that teenagers should be having. Although I have this conversation with several of my adult friends…All I have to do in Angry Bird’s to complete the game is get all 3 stars on 15 levels which will get me that last golden egg!
He gives me his phone so I can up his scores…and he tells me about some other games he thinks I should play.
I get finished with all my little exercises he has me doing and I get to relax with my ice pack.

My knee is killing me now, had been all day and I decide I need to pop a pill, so I do.

I get to the school, just in time for the party feeling much better now. As I am walking up I pass several people who don’t know me. one of them says…
…”Oh, an owie.”
Really? You just said that to me? Do you think I am going to respond to baby talk? You are an idiot. I just ignore it. I’m feeling better due to my little pill but I am in no mood to deal with a stupid person.

Later in the day I’m hangin’ out with my neighbor K. She’s pretty awesome and worldly. A widowed single mother of two at the age of 28 now. She has her shit together! While she’s over the flower guy arrives. An amazingly beautiful bouquet.
The card reads…’We are jealous of your beauty. Love, The Flowers’
Hmmmmm???
We wonder who they are from. I have a good idea but want to know for sure.
K…”Call up the florist and ask them who sent them. If they give y0u a hard time just say you have a stalker situation. They’ll tell ya.”
She’s is demented! I love her. She works with psych patients…I think it warps her brain.

That was my day, not all of it, you know I have to edit things…

Oh!…I did ask my friend out on a date. He’s not sure yet but he’s thinking about.
…and the flowers from another one of my best friends who is always there for me when I need him.;) Thanks babe!

The Rose

When a man gives a rose to a woman it can signify a great deal, or it could be just another T.V. show.

The different colours of roses signify different meanings...

Red: Love, passion and beauty.
Pink: Grace, elegance and admiration.
Lavender: Enchantment at first site, wonder and impossibility.
Purple: Enchantment and magnetism.
Blue: Mystery, the unattainable.
Turquoise: Calm, abundance.
White: Purity, innocence and new beginnings.
Yellow: Friendship.
Peach: Modesty, sincerity and sympathy.
Orange: Fascination, passion and desire.
Black: Loss or new journey.


I watch the Bachelor whenever I remember it’s on. I haven’t seen every episode but I enjoy them as an escape. Watching desperate women fall over themselves for a man they hardly know is comical. Likewise, observing a man looking for true love with his choice of hand picked women by producers and casting directors…at least he has choices.
Some men I know probably fantasize of having women fawning over them with the thought of NO competition of other men around….Sans the boom and camera operators, producers…which we don’t see but know they exist, or we wouldn’t be watching said show.

Jake, was the first Bachelor I watched…I had never watched it before last year. I recall he was/is a pilot and singled out early on a woman who was a bit unbalanced. What woman isn’t unbalanced though? There was also a woman that had to leave the show because of a ‘friendship’ she had with one of the producers…Whoops, I guess there was competition!

Brad is this years Bachelor.
They keep saying in the promos…
…”The most controversial season yet.”

From what I have gathered he was a Bachelor once before. At the end of the season he was down to two women then quit.  He has a life coach now that he sees and talks to via the phone to help him overcome his commitment issues and emotional unavailability. I think he is trying.

He has a choice of a mix of blonds, brunettes, a nanny, an embalmer and more!

All but one of these women will be rejected publicly.

I would rather be humiliated privately.

At the end of every episode there is a Rose ceremony. All those that get a rose get to stay. Sometimes a rose is handed out to an individual on Brad’s whim. The Rose’s are always red.

The show consists of...
Brad going on one on one dates and group dates with these ladies. All the hoopla and drama the ladies impart to themselves and the fights that ensue.
Sometimes times when they need to weed a woman he goes on a date with two women together and they know only one woman will return with a rose, and the other is whisked away, and not to a tropical destination. Whenever there is a ‘mingling’ with Brad and his potentials, the ladies are allowed to take Brad away for a few minutes from the others just to chat so they can hopefully influence him and make him like her…? They steal him from one another and then get their feelings hurt when it happens to them.

There are two specific women this season that Brad, and I, seem to have our eyes on: Michelle and Ashley H. (There were two Ashley’s hence the ‘H’, they were friends and had to go on one of the dreaded two girls and one guy date where only one returns….Ashley H returned with a rose.)

Both Michelle and Ashley are certifiable head cases from my point of view.
They have both been on one on one dates with Brad and both feel  they have a special bond with him.

Ashley H, a blond dentist, which is irrelevant…I think Brad actually likes her. The other day Brad was taken aside by one of the women, who hadn’t had a one on one date, for a moment. They end up kissing and there, watching is Ashley…Her feelings hurt…Really?!

Michelle is a hair stylist who assumes she has it in the bag, is psycho and she really brings the drama. A few episodes ago she ‘woke up’ with a black eye. How the hell does that happen?! Way to bring attention to yourself!
I believe she is even more psychotic than Ashley.
She is stunned when he goes on a date with other women, kisses them…talks to them. I think she has forgotten she is on a dating reality show.
The last episode I saw she pulled Brad aside, sat on his lap, looked over him and in the most dominatirx way, grabbed his face told him not to say anything and to just listen to her.
…(Para-phrasing here)…”It’s time for us to go out there and send these women home now. You know that it’s just you and me.”…ok I REALLY para-phrased…but that was the gist, the heart, the ‘gesir’.
PSYCHO!!!
(I’m wondering how many of you think I am psycho?;)

I don’t get what he sees in them…

I have said before and I will say many more times that when a man meets a woman he almost immediately puts her in a place in his life. She has the power to walk away though if she doesn’t like where he places her.

….I often don’t understand what men find attractive in women and why they choose one over the other…
…as a single woman...
Here is a little story about a guy friend of mine, and our relationship.
I had a relationship with a guy awhile back. I’m not gonna go into details although if I did you might have a better understanding of why I continue with my guy tendencies, although, I am trying to overcome them.
We didn’t publicly date. I think he was ashamed to be seen with me. Our relationship was complicated though…no he wasn’t married…it was just complicated. We shared a great deal with each other and then, something happened. He stopped calling, texting and e-mailing…that’s guy speak for, ‘we aren’t seeing each other anymore.’ Then one day out of the blue, he text’s me and wants to see me. A hole is a hole even in the dark. I saw him, I know him and I consider him a friend…He never says what’s wrong but I know he is having ‘girl’ problems, obviously he is dating someone and is looking for comfort….or ya know…I answer his texts or his e-mails now but haven’t seen him in months. I don’t want to. But every time I DO hear from him I always wonder where I am deficient as a woman as far as HE is concerned. I know it’s his issue not mine.

What does make a man want to see a woman publicly? …instead of…
Is it the whole, “Why buy the cow if the milk is free?”

I’d like to go back to the colour’s of roses and their meanings…and The Bachelor…
If a man sends me roses I would hope he would pick the corresponding colours for what he feels for me. It doesn’t matter if they all don’t match.
As for the Bachelor I think the show would be SO much better if he got to pick what colour rose to give to each woman, to signify how he feels at that time…and if ya got a Black one…well, you need to start a new journey, with out him and the cameras.

Is a reality dating show that different than the real life dating scene?
…”Pick ME! Pick ME!"
In real life we go into each relationship thinking, ‘Maybe this is THE ONE.’ The problem is sometimes the other person is thinking, “This is THE ONE, right now…"

We don’t really have a choice though, it’s up to two people to agree on what chapter they are on, or even if they are reading the same book.

(If some of this doesn’t make sense I have an excuse…I’m all drugged up and will be for a few more days…kiddy UP!)

No Strings Attached, a review of the movie, is this my life too?

F1, F2 and F6 and I went to see the 11:10 matinee today of ‘No Strings Attached’. Meanwhile F1’s and F2’s spouses tagged sort of along, but went to ‘True Grit’ instead.

I normally would dread movie day with my friends. Not the time WITH my friends but the movie itself. They like Romantic Comedies.
I think romantic comedies are usually crap. After I watch the movie I walk out thinking, “Great, I’ll never get that hour and half of my life back.”
This time though I wanted to see this film. I’m single with very dysfunctional relationships…
The other day a male friend of mine texted me and said what are we gonna call “this”; FB?, NSA? or FWB?
I had to see this movie that is my life.
...and Ashton Kutcher is very nice to look at and I have always liked Natalie Portman.
She was fab as the Cougar, Padme. Have you ever thought about it. How old was Anakin when Padme first met him…maybe 10?…hmmmmmmmm. I like her style!

On to the movie Review…or is it…a review of my fucked up life?

Natalie Portman is Emma, Ashton Kutcher is Adam.
They meet at camp when they were about 14 years oldish (Ebert says they meet when they are six, if a six year old knows what fingering is then their parents should be locked up), again at a frat party then again 5 years later bump into each other at a farmers market like event.
Adam is with his girl friend, Vanessa. Adam and Emma exchange phone numbers…
You should see the movie. I’m not gonna give it all away…
It was 20 minutes to long...it should have ended when he dropped her off in front of the hospital.

…”You should hope you never see me again.”
That’s a line I could/probably should use.
I also am more comfortable knowing a man I am ‘seeing’ is seeing other people. It means they are keeping their options open. If you know me, you know you should probably keep your options open.
As I type this I wonder what the men that know me and read this think…I take a deep breath and just keep on typing though.

The movie is more than just the trailer. Often the trailer IS the movie.
I read a whole bunch of movie reviews after I saw it out of curiosity.
I don’t agree with the reviews I read.
It was a film where people spoke out loud like I do. Literally the things that came out of their mouths come out of mine.

Rodger Ebert, “They’re sitcom characters allowed to go all the way like grown ups.”
Betsy Sharkey, “An obsession with raunchy one-liners……sleazy, cheesy affair.”
….Ahhahhahaaaaa!!!!! This is what they call MY LIFE!

I read other reviews, they almost all say the same thing.

I wonder what they would say if they were reviewing a day in the life of me?

What a woman wants…?! I’m so confused.

Well, maybe it’s what I want…
I’m not in your brain. Hell, I can hardly stand going into mine as it confounds me at times and I am confused enough already.
If you read my blog, you know I am interested in world domination. (There is no question mark here.)
To be single and have as many pretend boyfriends that I want? (There is a question mark today, tomorrow I might want to remove it.)
I like being single I won’t renounce this.
I enjoy watching what I want on MY T.V. If I want to leave the dishes till the morning I don’t want someone standing behind, judging my housekeeping skills, or lack there of. (Oh, you mean you don’t know how to do dishes?)
I adore staying up as late as I want. (Which is never really that late, but the option is there now.)
I cherish the thought of a COLD sandwich for dinner once in awhile and not having to cook a hot meal every night no matter what is on the schedule.

I miss talking about daily events, discussing stories in the newspapers after being read….and as I complain above about hot meals everyday….I miss cooking for someone that thinks I have talent, albeit only a little, in that arena.

Since the big D. I have been happier than ever. I have also noticed that I haven’t lost all hope in the being that is male, but it is some sketchy shit. I’m glad I am an artist and can make something of this once in awhile.
If I have issues though it’s me, I know it.
I have come to the point that having dude like tendencies makes things easier. There is less drama, no tears and no expectations.
As I type this out my eyes are dry and my heart impenetrable. I think I was given a magical suit or armor, unknowingly sometime years ago to get through the ‘bad times’…..years and years ago.

My dude like tendencies…
I look like a girl.
but….
I have short hair. I am not ashamed to be SEEN.
I treat men like they treat women. (If this pains you forgive me please, it keeps ME safe.)
This actually will hurt some of the men I know…but I am the center of the Universe for it is infinite…
I truly try to understand men and emulate how they act. They make it seem so easy.
Is it really that easy? Yes, I have found it is. Horrible right?
I know some men though that are much more sensitive than me, caring, loving…yada, yada, yada. I really feel like a dude when I talk to them. I love them and wish I could be as caring as them.

All being said when a man meets a woman he immediately puts her in a place in his life, friend, fuck buddy, lover, potential lifetime partner.

Bethany (from Real Housewives of NY)…”A hole is a hole, even in the dark.”
I swear it’s the motto of almost every man I know. If we understand this as women we know what we mean to them and it makes it easier to understand the place we belong in their lives…until further notice that is.

I said "ALMOST”!…it is not all.

My very good friend posted this as her FB status today….
…"Behind the story I tell is the one I don’t…behind the story you hear is the one I wish I could make you hear.”- Dorothy Alliso

Can you hear me?

I’m not a dude.
I love flowers,
La Perla...
A compliment may go farther than you can imagine!
(Married friends….keep it alive! Don’t screw it up and pay attention to each other!)

As to what I want.
I have no clue. It’s not about things…I do know that my relationships are so dysfunctional it’s silly, not in the funny way.

One Man and his advice for me...

As a divorced woman in her late, late, very late 30’s, with three little people to take care of, dating is something that confounds me. Not the actual date mind you, I know how to deal with people, talk to them…aka...listen and ask questions, engage! I’ve got that down (I think). But getting a date is nearly impossible for me. When I’m around men they act like the very hungary alligator IGNORING the wounded puppy on the banks of the bayou. I’m not  wounded and I’m certainly no puppy. I have more ‘big cat’ like tendencies, but the analogy made me laugh.

After my divorce was final I tried on-line dating. It’s 2010, not 1995 I tell myself, Agghhhhhh, so much work and so many creeps to ignore. I meet 2 men. One is now a friend, the other I went on four dates with. The Other, who made four dates with me, is an Atheist Vegetarian, yes, me the 'Funny Wiccan who Loves Chick Fil A’. He’s such a nice guy, attractive and very smart, but he believes in nothing and doesn’t eat meat. I like meat and spirituality is very important to me. I don’t care what you believe, just BELIEVE and have faith that we are not alone. It didn’t work out with him, there was something else missing as well I’m sure of it. That was in February.
In June…yes…June…a man I had been friends with for awhile was finally single. I put it all out there and I ask him out. He says yes. We go out and have a great time. My idea of a great time on this night was Smash Burger and Bowling. He moved to Las Vegas, I haven’t heard from him since.
I met a guy at a race. We casually saw each other twice. Done. As casually as it started it ended. No heart break, no issues, it’s cool with me. Oh...he was 27. (That fact might explain a lot.)

This is a little weird for me to blog about but I find it comical.

Once in a while (maybe every quarter, maybe a little more;) on a Friday or Saturday night my girl-friends and I go out downtown. This is not a regular event, though some of my FB friends may think differently because my pictures make it look like I am a party animal.
This is a message to men out there. When a woman goes out to a club, we go to dance, not get laid.
When out the men that approach me are usually 22, yes, 22. My friends think it’s funny. They are attractive 22 year olds mind you, but come on!

So now to the title of this blog.
One Man and his advice for me….
I have a guy friend (I have LOTs of guy FRIENDS) I am gonna call him Joe, as in Joe six pack. This guy his HOT. When I say a guy is HOT I mean it. I’m talking Calvin Klein model Hot. His six pack is not a six pack of beer.
We are having lunch at Chipotle. I am wearing a red ‘Supergirl’ t-shirt, jeans that are rolled up and gunmetal silver boots that have 6 inch heels. I look good. Well, I think I do.
I ask him what I should do differently so maybe a guy will ask me out.
Joe…”Kristin, you have ‘Fuck You’ written on your face when you walk into a room.” (Yes, that’s a quote.)
Me…”No I don’t, that’s just me owning the room.”
Joe…”Sorry, it’s true.”
Me…”Really?!”
Joe…”Yes”
Me…”Shit!”
Joe…”Let’s say I go to a club and I see you. I think to myself, ‘Wow, she looks like work.’ I’m gonna try for the average looking woman that’s gonna be easy.”
Joe…”Lose the skull rings.”
Me…”Really?!”
Joe…”You colour your hair so often and all those highlights!"
I said 'Really?!’ often. He was puncturing my lovely bubble quickly with his sharp needle disguised as words. I was deflating quickly.
Joe…’Try wearing your old wedding band out. When a guy sees a woman like you with no ring he thinks something is wrong with her.”
Me…”Nah…that’s not my style.”
me…”and there is nothing wrong with me. I’m just really fabulous."
….AND…why on earth would I want to meet a man that wanted to meet a married woman.
I’m not perfect but I’m trying with all my might to do the right thing.
Me…”I’m sorry but I gotta be me. I have to dress like me and BE ME, skull rings and all.”
Joe…”Ok, but I’m just sayin’.”
This is only a portion of our conversation…
We ate our lunch.

I dress well. I will continue to do so. I will wear my skull rings when I want. I will not wear my wedding band out.

When I got divorced it wasn’t to be with someone else. On the majority of the weekend nights I find myself alone, this realization hits home.
A woman is worth the effort. Some of us may come off as just an attractive ‘book cover’. We have a story 'behind the cover' filled with many chapters, some funny some serious.