Las Vegas, Volume 5: Pictures

Yes. I’m IN the fountain.

My whole joke before I left for Vegas when people would ask me what we were going to do there was…
Me…”Dress like a whore and lay by pools.”

We were no where near dressed like whores though.

I don’t know if you know this about me but I LOVE having my picture taken. I have always thought I look better in photographs than in real life.

F69 got really tired of all the pictures taken…her frustration was visible as she would roll her eyes at us…and then she would click away to appease our vanity.
Thank you F69.



So now for a Photo-ish blog.
Oh and the swimsuit pictures are towards the bottom fellas…Put together for your spank bank.

This is Alex…I have no idea why they have barf bags. 

Happy Hour…we are all very happy!

F’n Miss Daisy and Me.

I absolutely adore this picture as it captures my relationship with F15. 

F1, The Un Holy Trinity and F2

I’ve had this skirt for 20 years and yes, those ARE my panties and no I never got them in a wad.

My super awesome amazing friends.

Up stairs at lavo. 

Did I tell ya I love having my picture taken?

F69’s payment for all the pictures was that none of us complained how much time we had to spend at M&M world.

Sunday was F2’s 38th Birthday!!!

Happy Birthday!!!

I had to wear this dress.

 I had NOTHING on underneath it…NOTHING.

I had just yelled at F1 and F2 that our table was ready.

Then I struck my pose.

This is F69 and Matt.

Matt hooked us up.

F1, Me and F15 in a cab on the way to The Tropicana.

They are so HOT!…

Don’t ya think so?

At The Tropicana.

This is us at the MGM pool.

F1, F15 and I did some major pool while the others spent the afternoon in some strangers Cabana at Azure. Drinking free booze.

Way to go F2, SF and F 69.

Had to get in the Fountain.

…Because Chas had told me to…

“Stay out of the fountains!”

Hotties!

I think the smaller the swimsuit the less people notice the parts I don’t like about myself.

More Hot Chicks.

I like this shot…but in real life this swimsuit really didn’t look that great on me.

Dancing on our tables at Azure in our Cabana.

Chillin…with Rabbit ears courtesy of F15.

Last but not least…6 Women, 53 pairs of shoes.

What a great time I had with my girl friends.
I wish everyone had friends like me.
…”I LOVE YOU GUYS!!!"

Chick Fil A

I am the official Wiccan that loves Chick Fil A…I have a Facebook fan page and all…I even have fans!

…it’s titled…

"Everyone should have a Funny Wiccan in their life that loves Chick Fil A”
https://www.facebook.com/pages/Everyone-should-have-a-funny-Wiccan-in-their-life-that-loves-Chick-Fil-A/107965692573092
You can be a fan of mine if you are not already.

It’s not my favorite restaurant in the whole world but as far as fast food joint’s go in the U.S. …I love it.
(I also love Chipotle.)

Note…If I was in Japan it would be Moss Burger and Coco’s Curry House (fried eggplant, level 5 unless I have a hangover then I would order a level 7).

It’s always clean.
The food is great.
I get free drink re-fills because of my fame status as “The Funny Wiccan…”
Ok, not really but I like to pretend I’m special.
My Children can turn in CFA’s always educational in some way “toy” and get an ice-cream instead.

We go almost every time school is cancelled because of snow. My friends and I will all meet and we stay there as long as we can while our Children play away.
I once stayed there for 3hrs and 45 min.
I’m always trying to break my own record.

I respect the owners closing on their Sabbath. It’s frustrating sometimes when all I want is the greatest Arnold Palmer or a Chicken sandwich or some Strips on Sunday. I deal with it as I drive by then realize why there are no cars in the lot…
…"Fuck it’s Sunday!”

I don’t eat their everyday or even every week ‘cause then I’d be Fat and not Phat.

I was so excited when they unveiled the ‘Spicy Chicken Sandwich’.
I love spicy food.
I like to eat my Spicy Chicken Sandwich with either ranch dressing on it or…if you wanna get out of the box a little…
…its amazing with the carrot raisin slaw on it! The sweet and spicy is a great combo. Trust me…I know food.


The other day I was having a conversation with one of my friends about why the drinks are so good there…We came to the agreement that it was because of the styrofoam cups. Not great for the environment but if they make my Skinny Diet Arnold Palmer better fuck the environment Oh well…

They have the best sauce choices…Honey Roasted BBQ and Chick Fil A sauce are two of my fav’s.

This is an actual example of a meal I had there———>
The fries aren’t mine…I plunder them from my Children, I figure they don’t need them all and can spare a few.

Chick Fil A gives food away all the time.
They have ‘dress as a cow’ day.
They give breakfasts away as well…
Tomorrow I’m gonna eat there for FREE because I made a reservation!
How cool is that!

My Birthday is September 23…my Children don’t have school that day and I’ll be at Chick Fil A on North Carefree at 11:30am if you wanna join me! (I’m not buying your lunch though.)

I’m not sure if Chick Fil A would be happy or proud to have me as a spokes person but…
…”It’s my pleasure.”
To tell you about the things I love and Chick Fil A is one of them.

Chick-fil-A® for Breakfast

staging.chick-fil-aforbreakfast.com

Make a reservation beginning August 29 for a FREE breakfast entrée at participating Chick-fil-A restaurants the week of September 6 - 10, 2011. Hurry - reservations are limited! Go to http://www.chick-fil-aforbreakfast.com/?source=facebookreserved to reserve your FREE breakfast entrée now.

ManHater

Yesterday, or the day before, I can’t remember…we spend so much time together…
…Kat and I were chatting and she shared with me a conversation my daughter, BrownNut and she had earlier in the day.

BN…”I think I figured out why Colbalt, barks at men.”

Note…Colbalt is one of Kat’s Chiwawawas Chihuahuas. He weighs 1.3 Lbs and is a tea cup. He’s awesome and has a half brother, Pedro…who’s a bit bigger. They have an incestuous, gay relationship full of love…they are a fabulous additions to her family.
Colbalt only barks at only Men.

K…”Why do you think that?”
BN…”I think he over hears you and my Mom talking about Men.”

Note…If you are a Man remotely in my life or ever have been don’t worry…I have a nickname for each and every one of you! You probably just don’t know it…although I know one knows his name.

It seems her wit had taken her to a place I would have never gone as she eavesdropped on us for years now…

BN…”He knows you and my Mom don’t like Men. That’s why he barks and growls at them.”
K…”We don’t hate Men and Colbalt doesn’t understand a word we say.”

It was probably more what I say than what Kat had ever said…

The other day Kat and I were discussing my upcoming 40th Birthday and what I was planning for it.

Me…”I don’t know. I know everyone is expecting me to have a big party but I really don’t feel like it…being THE only person without a date yet again.”

It’s really hard for some people to understand but I get stood up often…and all but once for one of my parties.
Do you know how embarrassing that is?!
I may play it off well, but even I can only take so many baseball bats to my ego before I put my arms up and say…
…”Fuck it!”
…and I’m not talking literally. The Men I have ever asked to be my date for any event and stood me up…I KNOW and still do. I still talk to them and I consider them my friends.
Maybe that’s the problem?!

I had to explain to my daughter that I don’t hate Men. Not at all.

When I got divorced I knew Men wouldn’t want to be associated with someone like me…
…divorced.
…almost 40.
…3 Children.
…lives in the Ghetto. (That’s a joke. I don’t live in the ghetto.)
and...
…drives a MINIVAN!

I can’t even take myself seriously. Why should anyone else?
As I write type this I've come to the conclusion that I never should have expected any of them to actually show up. ‘Cause then they would have had to be scene seen with me….and then perhaps someone could have gotten the wrong idea.

I don’t hate Men, not at all…but with my impending 40th Birthday…
…well…
…I don’t want to have a party and show up to MY party, the only one without a date!

…I’ll probably have one though…
…When I have a party my goal is always to GIVE BACK to my friends who have given me so much through out the year.
…and what years I’ve had lately…I have a lot to give back.

So…Ladies and F17 (who shares my Bday-ish) with me…You may have something planned…
…But so do I!
…And I plan on having no date…
It just won’t be ON my birthday….as it seems F17 and I already have plans because WE have the BEST friends in the world…and everyone else should be jealous…
…I just don’t know what those plans are...

Hurricane Irene And National Disasters

You may not know how much a Hurricane can disrupt my life…
...or more so that of my Children…
…We live in Colorado Springs…
…We don’t have Hurricane's here.

You would be very surprised though how much my Children’s life and sometimes even mine is affected when, now, a National disaster strikes.

Note…I am no longer a Military wife but I still deal with ALL the upheavals that Military Spouses deal with, last minute TDY’s, working late and such.

My Ex works at USNORTHCOM and is active duty. He’s kind of a big deal…I’m not talking about Leather Bound books (that’s an allusion to the movie Anchorman).

Yesterday was my LoveBug’s 8th Birthday…Hurricane Irene at the moment is thrashing its way up the Eastern seaboard.
My Ex has Our Children on Thursdays, Fridays, every other Saturday and Sundays.

Note…He has them on Sundays because he is in charge of their Religious instruction;)…and we all know having a Witch raise your Children probably isn’t looked upon with delight by a very Religious Christian Man. I do however teach them every thing I know about ALL religions to include singing Hebrew Songs and explaining the finer nuances of Judaism, all different paths of the Christian Religion (of which there are many), Islam, Shinto, Buddhism and the such…Religions are one of my favorite subjects and I know more about them than many people.
http://behindthebookscover.blogspot.com/2010/12/love-spell.html

I love digressing…I’m done now.

Thursday I picked up the Children from school and later got an e-mail from my Ex…
…’5pm meeting…’
Me…’I understand…’
He called later that evening, around 7:20ish…
…”Hey, I have to be at a meeting early in the morning. Do you have plans for tonight?…”
Me…”It’s all good. No biggie...”
I hadn’t fed them yet so Kat and I threw dinner in the oven and I had to explain to my Children that they were going to stay with me for the night, their Dad’s night and why…

To my Children...
Me…”Hey guys, listen your Dad is really, really busy at work right now and has to be up early in the morning so you guys are gonna stay with me…”
Then I went on to explain what was going on with the Hurricane and showed them video and told them…
…”Your Dad is really important and all the people on the coast need him to organize things so they all stay safe…you know your Dad saves people…”

…He came over at about 7:45 to give the Children a hug and a kiss…I know it’s hard on him too.

Last night we were all going to have dinner together for LoveBugs Birthday…I E-mail my Ex around 5:30...
…'I know you are bogged down…yada, yada, yada…anything I can tell him? I have told him you are very, very busy.’
He called me back almost immediately and said he had to have a dinner break anyway and would get away and meet us at 6:45.
Thankfully for my Children he was able to take them for the night after our dinner and he dropped them off at my place this morning at 6:45.

I can’t tell you how often I’ve explained why he had to head out of town last minute or had to work late…or early even...

…The disappointment of my youngest when he sees me at the school when he expected to see his Dad.
He get’s mad at me…not his Dad.

While we were married I had to illustrate in terms young Children could understand why he would be gone so long…
To Save...
…The Sand People…(Afghanistan).
…The Water People…(Sri Lanka and New Orleans)
…I think you get my train of thought and how I handle their fragile minds and psyches…

...while instilling support and respect for my Ex-husband.

It affects my life as well…
…I cancel plans, I leave people waiting for me…
…For the most important reason in the world…
My Children.
…To be there when they need me no questions asked.

Note…My divorce is like a Rose…most people only see the pretty petals not the thorns…this is not one of the thorns but the petals...

I know it’s difficult for Military Spouses (Police, Fireman and such…) to explain the harsh realities of life to their Children…at all ages…
The most important advice (I know you didn’t ask for it though) is to always stay positive and never ever show frustration or let them know how you are really feeling…no matter how scared you are.
If you are scared, irritated or frustrated you call a friend and share with them…
…never ever let your Children over hear you…
…It will keep them sleeping better at night which will in the end help you too.

Las Vegas, Volume 3: Shit Happens

I wonder if you can imagine what we REALLY conversed about on our trip…
…You can’t.
…You may think you can imagine but…
…No…
…It’s nothing that would enter your neuron system.

Shit happens…and sometimes…
…It just doesn’t…

Please understand we are not just friends…we are all GREAT friends and share all sorts of sordid moments of our lives with one another...

On the second day of our trip one of the F’s says…
…”I haven’t pooped yet.”
Then 2 others chimed in…
…”Me either…”

From then on out the shit didn’t hit the fan…for days…but when it did…it blew.

While walking somewhere…
…”I’m gonna walk back here, you guys just go ahead of me.”
The laughter would inevitably ensue like little boys girls.

…”There were so many people in there I don’t think anyone would have guessed it was me.”
…”I’m gonna loose so much weight when I go to the bathroom.”
…”All that work and all I got was a nugget.”
…”Ok…so I’m gonna have the special…on top of the guacamole, the salad, and all the rest of the food I’ve eaten since I’ve been here…let’s just layer that all on!”

Finally on our last night 3 of us walked home and 3 of us took a cab home from…
…where ever we where…

I took the cab and we received a text…
…’At the Bellagio. The girls just unloaded!! It was for ___!!”

Those of us that took the cab laughed our asses off. I guess it had been a close one.

Nothing is sacred with me…My friends know this.
I didn’t name the F’s though…
If I’m gonna share this shit stuff I’ll at least give them some ambiguity.

Come on?!
You and your friends don’t talk like this with one another?

Las Vegas, Volume 2: A Man’s Wet Dream

6 Women one bathroom…

The first morning before F15 had arrived the 5 of us got ready in ONE hour…
...5 Women, ONE bathroom!
…soon to be SIX!

Do you wonder how we did it?

Note…All of us Women have some form of body dysmorphia. I had joked before we left that I thought it would be a good idea when we get to Vegas to prance around our room naked in front of each other.

<——This is our shower and tub. Please notice our shower is glass.









This is our bathroom before we took ownership———>

There we were with all our body image issues and we knew we were going to be running around showering naked in front of each other…this thought was frightening to me…I have SERIOUS body issues.

I hate my boobs breasts. F1 and F15 have some serious racks on themselves and I compare myself against them with a keen eye.
F69 also has an amazing pair on her, that she was born with. She need not wear something to hold them up a bra. F2 never really talks about her boobs breasts. I know SF doesn’t like hers…she’s like me like that.

Anyway…
…We talked amongst ourselves trying to figure out who would take the longest. I knew I should go last…it takes me no time at all to get ready and I take great pride in that fact…it just looks like I do.
After our first try with the shower we came to the conclusion that…
F1 takes the longest…She actually takes fucking forever to get ready.

My first shower I had F69 facing me on the dressing stool reading to me ‘Things to do in Vegas’ or some shit like that. My friends were all in some stage of dress or wrapped in towels making up their faces and blowing out there hair.

It was awesome.
No. We didn’t take any pictures of ourselves in various stages of undress but we should have.

<——This is me and SF getting ready.





One night when we were all getting ready to go out and I had on a strapless shirt with no bra. I was telling them how much I hated my boobs breasts…
The F's…”Show us.”
…So I unzipped my self from my confines shirt and bared my self. It was very freeing. You have no idea how freeing it really was. My other friend who lives in Vegas was hanging out with us and she shows off her new ‘lift’…nothing implanted just a lift…they looked amazing.

I should also tell you that every time I got dressed I started off buck naked in front of our picture window not caring if anyone could see in…
…again very freeing for me…
...and all my body dysmorphic issues.

Ok…maybe it wasn’t a Man’s wet dream, I just named it that you would ready my shit blog.

Las Vegas, Volume 1: Getting To...

You have never seen 5 Women more excited to get out of town than F1, F2, SF, F69 and myself…(F15 was meeting us Friday night, she has a real job).
…I am amazed our Children didn’t have road burn from us shoving them out of moving vehicles as we dropped them off at school on Thursday morning.

Note…We didn’t really shove them out of moving vehicles…we all came to complete stops first.

We were on a tight schedule and had to drive to Denver.
We also had to get all our suitcases there, all 8 of them, not just us.

I drove…and only encountered one retarded mentally slow woman on the road. She gave me the finger. I swear I did not cut her off…I had my indicator or for a couple of minutes and she would NOT let me in…so I just let myself in.

…anyway we get there unhindered or scathed.

We flew Southwest so we had to stand in a que, which I might add is much better organized now than the last time I flew Southwest, which would be many, many moons ago.
We were all in group C and knew we wouldn’t be sitting together.
...I turn the corner as I enter the aircraft and I see one seat open in the middle between 2 dudes…everything in my Wiccan gut said…
…”No, not there.”
Then I spotted 2 seats next to an older gentleman…that’s where F1 and I sat. SF sat between the 2 dudes…and I think there was a little regret about her choice after awhile.
The Man we sat with was a lovely being named, Bruce.

…Bruce,” So what are you going to do in Vegas?”
Me…”Dress like whores and lay around pools."
We got to know him in our hour and a half flight…we got to know everyone around us though.

So SF had sat in-between these 2 dudes…ones name was Jeff. Obnoxious is not even a proper description. One good thing did come out of meeting Jeff…
…One of F69’s now graduated cadets from USAFA had made her a bet that she couldn’t get a 26 year old to buy her a drink…
…So we are exiting the plane and Jeff say’s he want’s to buy us all a drink…
Me…”How old are you?”
J…”26”
All of us…”NO SHIT!”
There was a coo-coo clock on the line…so we let him buy us a drink…
…We all admitted to ourselves that we had ‘buyers remorse’…

…It turned out he was staying in our hotel….Ahgggghhhhhhhhh!!!!

We all rode the shuttle together though as we are not total bitches…
…However when it was time to check in we let him go ahead of us and we meandered and waited…spying to see if he was done…it took him forEEeeevvver!!!

We wanted no association at all with him.
…and we had none.