Toilets

Ideas flood and over flow from my brain….
Quickly!!! Someone get a plunger!

This is a serious matter. We have all used one at sometime in our lives. Don’t lie. I know you have. #1’s and #2’s….
When learning a new language one of the first things you learn is…
…”Ou sont le toilettes?”
…”Ayn al-hhammam?”
…”Torie wa doko desu ka.” (No question mark as 'desu ka' is the question mark)
…”Gdu teulet?”
…”Donde esta el bano?"

My youngest son asked me the other day…
S…”Mom did you and Dad get divorced because you were tired of cleaning all the bathrooms?”

My ‘new’ place here in the ghetto that I now reside with great glee only has two bathrooms.
It takes me only 30 min. to clean the actual bathroom…the toilets though take about an hour each. I have a special yellow toothbrush that hangs out with my cleaning supplies. I replace it every month as it sees a lot of bleach and ….uggggh…!
I have two small boys that have a difficult time finding “the hole”. I really hope when they are older and of appropriate age they can find “the hole”.

Once I walked into my downstairs bathroom and my nose was assaulted, the bouquet of urine was permeating the air. I looked around the base thinking maybe one of them had missed…by a long shot this time. It was clean.
Where the hell was it coming from?
I looked in the garbage. They are young boys, I really don’t want to have to explain their behavior or why I WOULD look in the garbage…it’s just embarrassing.
All the bending over and looking around had made my nose run. I go to grab a tissue from the tissue box on top of the back of the toilet…
Holy Urine Smell Batman!
I lift up the box and the bottom is coated with urine? I look behind the toilet and see streaks going down the wall.
I call my middle child front and center. (I knew it was him with out a doubt in my head.)
I asked him…
…”Why am I going to have to clean the toilet up here AND behind it?”
MC…”Ummmm…..I don’t know.”
Me…”Yes, you do. Lying will get you in more trouble.”
MC…”I pointed my penis up instead of down this time.”
Me…”WHY?” with exhaustion…
MC…”Dunno.” as he shrugged his shoulders.

This blog will not just contain the absurd toilet habits of my children…just one more and then I’ll get on with it.

When teaching my children to wipe their butts I had to eventually only allow them 8 squares at a time. Reason being is that after finding softball size wads of toilet paper in toilet and having to figure out how to clean it all up….and not just one ball…THREE!…Surrounded in pooh.
I’m so amazing, skilled at a level so high dealing with concerns of boys and toilets! I didn’t get any pooh on me or anything else and I saved the ‘Softballs’ from drowning in the sewer…or just clogging my toilet even more.

I’ve been all over the world.
Thankfully I was well schooled in foreign toilets at a young age. Most Americans when traveling abroad though end up partaking in the puzzlement that many have to address…

..where is the toilet?

That’s just a hole in the ground.

Which way do I face?


<—————This style toilet is common all over the world
They are convenient and I feel very sanitary.

You squat above them and do your business…your ass cheeks never touching where another’s ass cheek has sat.

I love bidets!
If you have ever been to South America (or Spain…:/...) and forgotten to ask for…
…”No, heilo.” when ordering your sangria…
You would love a bidet also the way I do. They clean the nastiest areas that are being tortured by their constant use… prolific diarrhea is no fun and the constant wiping of your already chafed bum sucks ass…and not in the good ass suckin’ kinda way. (I’m sorry, I HAD to put that in there!)

I think Japan has the best toilets. They have the hole in the ground variety too, but in homes and nice places they have entertainment units that also double as toilets.
See that control panel on the left?——————————>
If you want your seat heater on you can do it from there.
If you would like to hear birds chirping you can just press a button.
When you are done you press a different button and this plastic tube with holes on the top emerges from the back (inside the bowl) and you now have your bidet built into the toilet!
Many of them even have REMOTE controls.
If you want to get me something for Christmas I would LOVE a good Japanese toilet!