Spending 2 weeks with someone who is not your spouse would normally be considered a challenge. I take that back spending 2 weeks non stop with your spouse might not be cool at all depending on your spouse
OH Snap!.
Kat and I are two independent women with
insane fantastic senses of humor
we think.
So here we are driving across the country with our 5
MoFo’s Children, all of us packed like sardines, trapped and harnessed with not a gag insight!
I think we listened to
Despicable Me 9 times…I’ve never seen it though…I think there is some quote about boogers in it?
When we started off, Kat was driving…I ended up driving the whole way after the first day as she saw it was actually something I really enjoyed and relaxed me. Yes, towing 5000++ Lbs is relaxing for me? I love a challenge.
Note…I love driving. I have a whole blog started about TopGear BBC America.
Kat has AT&T I have T-Mobile. My reception sucked! Every am after we got our shit together and were finally on the road she would read me the news…as she sat back with her feet and normally well pedicured toe nails now all jacked up, just like mine…jacked up, propped up on the windshield.
K…”So, Casey Anthony just got acquitted.”
Me…”You are shitting ME!”
….every morning we would discuss the happenings of her where abouts and what WE would do if we were her lawyer…
…The whole plane trip was
funny awkward. I would have had look alikes like
The cougar that is Padme Queen Amidila on StarWars each one getting off someplace different.
Brittany Spears and her bodyguard and how she farts all the time…
A horse fell into someones basement here in C-Springs and it couldn’t get out…
K…”Holy Shit!___de-friended me on FB! Quick…check if he de friended you too.”
Me…”Yup, me too!”
…yada, yada, shit talk, shit talk and more shit talk! Not really…we felt bad for him and wish he was more mature.
We would see something on the side of the road and I would say…
Me…”What the hell is that?”
Kat…”Let me google it!”
This is the largest cross in the world ———>
The first night in the trailer we climb into our sleeping area we are sharing…in separate sleeping bags…
Me…”When I sleep in the same bed with someone I usually kiss them goodnight.”…
…As I laughed and snorted trying to make her uncomfortable...
Kat…”There is a first for everything…and you won’t be kissing me!"
The second night...
Me…”You come here often? Wanna spoon.”
Kat…”Don’t you dare!You better have panties on too!”
…as we laugh and talk shit about people…we talked a lot of shit. We also talked about how cool we
think are and how no one else would
be stupid enough to try this…referring to female friends…the male ones are just as
dumb cool as us.
Everyday I would
bitch, complain mention the difficulties of the hitch…
K…"Thats it…when we get back I’m gonna hook this bitch up to the care with out the Hensely and see how you like towing the trailer!”
…She was serious. That hitch was fabulous and I have a whole blog about it I’m writing but we did have issues…
K as we drove through a rain storm…”I wonder how many accidents we have caused behind us that we can’t see…”
Me…”I don’t know, a corner is coming up…maybe we can see when we are going around this corner!”
All the while we are yelling at the
MoFo’s children to be quiet.
The
MoFo’s children were
dreadfully loud fantastic most of the time.
We started out with one 11 week old puppy and ended up with 2 puppies at the end…
Colbalt, an 11 week old puppy and Pedro, an 8 week old puppy both
Chiwawawawas Chihuahuas. Half brother puppies…Colbalt would always let us know if a stranger was around with is sweet weak little bark and Pedro is just a badass motherfucker who has no fear!
Pedro would walk all over the SUV and if we were driven and he needed to poop…he would poop on the Kansas map! So it must be true and everyone knows Kansas is shit.
It only happened twice but we just looked at each other and laughed hysterically as the smell of dog poo permeated the inclosed space and the
MoFo’s Children would complain and cover the noses with their shirts.
We talked often about our coolness. We wondered about the naysayers and the haters we have in our lives.
We FB’ed each other like idiots as we sat next to each other…
Kristin
Not lookin so fine...fat feet and stupid curls… at McDonalds.
Bathroom breaks...
..."Mom’s I need to go #3!” Did you know there are 3 categories, not 2, to what normally happens in the loo bathroom?
Can you imagine how many times we told the MoFo’s Children to…
…”just hold it a bit longer…”
…And how many times we had to stop?
…And all the gross toilets we encountered?
We had to go over this dam twice…this pic was taken the next morning. The first time we crossed it it was dusk dark and we could hardly see a dam damn thing. Kat held on as I drove and got my camera out…
Kat…”You better not be thinking about taking a picture right now. Just get us across this bitch.”
Me…”Who me? Never!”
We came across people who did NOT appreciate us and our adventure…although they had no idea what we were accomplishing. Yes, we thought of our trip as an accomplishment.
On the way back we saw a sign for wineries…we saw lot’s of signs…and came to the conclusion it was a ‘sign’ for us to stop!
So we got off the exit and drove several miles on a country road to a quaint little town. Parked…and introduced this town to our 5
MoFo’s Children and they way we live our lives…free.
Right after we walked in to this winery, empty of any patrons other than us another couple walked in with thir 2
MoFo’s Children…and one of the proceeds to puke right at the doorstep.
The wife gave us dirty looks the whole time and we were sure she briefed her husband to not even look at us..when our backs were turned...
We tasted wine, bought some wine…tasted cheeses and meats and bought our lunch.
Outside while we are having said lunch this
perfect little family saunters out and journeys as FAR away as they can from us.
I took a picture of myself so as to give you an idea of how far people would go out of their way to get away from us...
<——they are way back there sitting at the LAST table they could find.
We would stop at WalMart…campers, truckers and
ballsy idiots cool chicks like us are allowed to park there…and grocery shop.
…In one state we discovered you could buy alcohol there…In Colorado you can only buy it at designated Liquor stores. You have never seen 2 women so excited!
We also made fun of the way people were dressed then I caught a glimpse of reflection and thought better of it…as I was not looking so fabulous myself…with one of my many wife beaters I wore, marked with who knows what…and because of the humidity my short hair had stupid curls and my toes looked like sausages...
We laughed our asses of off even as I made wrong turns…
This is us driving on an access road——>
I turned where I thought was the exit. It was not. So we drove several miles…as i made fun of my ’scenic route’ technique that my friends are well aware of…
We did have harrowing moments which will I will be discussing in my ‘Top Gear’ blog…
…the majority of the time we laughed…more than you will ever know wishing that we had video cameras mounted documenting our trip and ALL that was said…
…maybe next time...