When Life Gives You Lemons

You know that saying…
…”When life gives you lemons add some tequila and salt.”…

Note…It’s lime’s, not lemon’s that most adults people prefer for their Tequila shots.

Or…
…”When life gives you lemons make lemonade.”
…”When life gives you lemons make lemonade and just add Vodka.”

Note…that last one is a favorite of My F’s and Me...

I saw a friend of mine’s post this AM…
…”When life gives you lemons just start tossing them at people.”

Have you ever had one of those days that you just felt like a whole fucking Lemon tree has fallen on top of you?
Or that someone else saw that post about tossing Lemons at people and decided to do just that and You didn’t duck in time?

We’ve all had these kind of Days, Months and some of us even Years.
It’s hard to look at everything in a positive manner when everything sucks ass and not in the good ass sucking kinda way.

That bitter taste that is left in your mouth when the shit hits the fan and it’s whipping smelly crap all around and you have no idea how on earth you are gonna clean it up nothing seems to be going right and you see no fix in sight…

I have some of my own sayings…

A…”Know your audience.”
B…”Someone else always has it worse off.”

Note…these two go hand in hand for me…

Before you start tossing lemons at people…
…If you know them…Evaluate what you know about them…should you really complain to them that you are having a difficult time with stupid shit mundane things if the person you are talking to has a spouse that’s been deployed for months?
…If you do not know them…perhaps someone threw a lemon at you and you have decided to throw it back at some innocent bystander…Do the world a favor…quickly make up a back story, a pretend one…Imagine a scenario where they just went through something dreadful. Do you really want to be an ass the person to throw a lemon just because you think it will make you feel better?

C…”I’ve got this.”

This has several meanings...
I have to say this in my head so often it redonkulous preposterous.
1. I am either put in situations or I PUT myself in situations that sometimes need to be dealt with in the oddest manner…
…”I’ve got this."
2. It also means that no matter what or how many lemons are thrown at me...I know I can handle it.
…”I’ve got this.”
Sometimes it means…
3. ”I love you so much I’ll move heaven and earth for you.”
…”I’ve got this."

D…”Just stand on the kitchen counter…you/I need a different perspective.”

I have done this numerous times. It has a two fold effect…
#1. I can see dust that I have previously over looked, due to the fact that I am only 5.7, that my tall  friends have been kind enough to not embarrass me about.
#2. To look at something from another perspective can add clarity where you may not have realized you lacked it.

…………….
Awesomely I wrote all this, this morning…not a FUCKING Lemon in site...
Then this after noon as I was getting my hair done…
...I had a Lemon tree dumped on top of me…
But you know what…
I said to the Un-Holy Trinity that makes up Me, Myself and I…
…”Don’t get your panties in a wad. You’ve got this!”
Then when I got home I stood on my kitchen counter for a new perspective…
…I’m now going to clean the top of my nasty ass refrigerator and then get one of my cleaning brushes and take care of some of my kitchen grout.
…And I am NOT the most important person in the world and my want’s/need’s and feelings will again, go on the back burner…I’m just afraid they will evaporate there with time.

I will now refer to Letter B above...