My Fat Pants

Fat pants?!!!
Yes, almost every woman has a pair, or a few. They vary in sizes as Women vary in sizes…
We wear them if we have unexpectedly gained weight from the cruise, the Holiday parties, laziness, the delicious eggs we ate and the Iceburgs we drank on our holiday in Mexico…:/

Well, in 2/3? years I have torn 3 ligaments in my right knee, shredded 1 in my right wrist, broken 2 bones in my left arm/wrist and one in my right wrist. Topped off with a fabulous case of tendonitis in my right knee…that is sticking with me like super glue.
I have also been working on projects that are time consuming…Skyrim is a time vampire.
Needless to say working out has been a low priority…and more difficult physically than before I fucked my body up.
Much to my chagrin I have not gained a great deal of weight but my weight distribution and body composition has changed.
Sadly I had to move up to my ‘fat pants’…Size 5 juniors.
Please understand that…
Fat Pants are perspective.

Suck it bitches…Stay classy Colorado Springs. I’m on a ‘diet’ now.
I will probably even start working out…with my right wrist brace in place and running in the pool…whoop! So fun.

Many of my girlfriends have ripped bodies.
Some of them eat/drink special foods. They like it, I guess, and the way it makes them feel.
Not me…the food part.
I have been ‘ripped’ in the past. Let me clarify; my legs, arms and back have been ripped but never my abs…I hate ab work.
My diet consists of this…and always has.
…Anything I can make spicy or add hot sauce, fruits, veggies, coffee, iced tea and some gummie bears thrown in once in awhile and yummy red wines.

I’ll eat what I love.

I’ll just eat less.

I refuse to compromise my taste buds but I will compromise and eat half of what’s on my plate...or use a smaller plate…most times.

My Ex’s parents have had some serious health issues lately and my heart is breaking for his whole family.
They had always been vigilant with their diet and exercise. They took their supplements, would go for walks…until my Ex-Mother-in law had a stroke and recently Ex Father in Law passed away.
Waiting for their Golden years that were not what they expected.

I bring this up for a reason…

My Dad had a heart attack 10 1/2 years ago. He changed some of his habits after…and kept others.

I don’t believe in supplements. It’s been proven your body does not absorb them. Which study do you want to read that supports your stand point…pick one…then pick another that says the opposite.
I’ll get all my vitamins and minerals from real food thank you.

I won’t do a cleanse unless I hit up Taco Bell…that may drop pounds but it’s not good for your body. Don’t argue with me either.

A diet is that which you put in your body…everyone is ALWAYS on a ‘diet’.

We are all gonna die. It’s true. I swear…and food is a high priority.
I’m blessed to not have some allergy that makes food difficult or impossible to digest.

I don’t like all these diet trends.

Eat less. Move more.
Live now.
Tomorrow might not come around…

You may not think I am mature but I really am

Mature…It can encompass several definitions.
Grown up boring like behavior...
or
Adult themed ideas...

I have covered a great deal in my blog…
…Some blogs contain very adult themes.
I am not ashamed of any of them.

…but…

My BrownNut turns 11 on Monday and I’m not an idiot.
My Children know I write a blog but have only been allowed to read a few of my posts…like stories of how I became a Mom and such…
http://behindthebookscover.blogspot.com/2011/09/adoption-my-journey-to-be-parent.html

They don’t have phones or e-readers or any such thing yet but they most likely will soon.
They also are not allowed to get on the internet unless I am sitting next to them…and You-Tube…off limits unless I am in control.
They will have electronics soon enough to get on the internet on their own. I hope I have taught them the rights and wrongs, the goods and bads…and that You-Tube…as funny as the Bacon Dog is…can contain things that are not appropriate for young Children even if you enter the correct address.

So this weekend I am going to be a grown up.
I am deleting some blogs I don’t want them to find with ease on their own.
I say with ease because the internet is forever…I’m not stupid.

I’m still…mature…certainly my language will not improve on here…thats just a retarded mentally slow thought.
…I’m not worried about them seeing swear words, they can go to the park and see them written on playground equipment for goodness fucks sake.

So off I go..into deleted territory. The graveyard of blog posts…where my most read will end up.

I’m not gonna stop blogging.
The Wellbutrin is almost out of my system now…my ADD is returning and with it my creative mind.

See ya soon readers…cause boy do I have a stories to share with you...

Wellbutrin

Funny story…

I found a need to be off the grid for a bit. My apologize for not entertaining you, pissing you off or what have you while I have been gone.

Note…I find I like being off the grid.

So…on to the funny story.

I made an appointment with my ‘lady doctor’ for a check up.
We go through all the normal things, stir-ups, speculum, swabs and the touching of my breasts. We also discuss a myriad of topics…like…how I can quit smoking.
Yes, I smoke. I don’t like it, I think its gross and I have tried to quit but it seems I’m not a quitter.
She suggested I take Wellbutrin.
Wellbutrin is an anti-depressent that has a side effect of helping people stop smoking…I was all in.

I start taking it. The first week I took 150 milligrams and the second week I was to take 300.

I didn’t feel any different the first few days then subtle things started happening. I felt lethargic (?), blahza and everything turned foggy in my brain.
Then as I started my 300 milligrams I started changing, and not into some beautiful butterfly after a stay in a cocoon for a bout either.
Everything made me frustrated and angry. I had no drive to create anything at all. Creating is one of my favorite things in the world to do and brings me a sense of peace.
There was no peace in my brain/psyche.
Things were making me angry (?). I’m not an angry person.
Things were making me sad (?). I’m not a sad person.
I was aware of the changes in my psyche and kept track of things so they wouldn’t get out of hand. I still had my wits and knew the feelings I was having was because of the Wellbutrin.
My dreams were wicked vivid and out of control. Some of the nightmares scared the living bejesus outta me.

I had a trip planned. I was going to Mexico.
The night before I was to leave…
…As I was falling asleep it felt like a bug bit me, then another. I slapped my ankle, then my leg. I looked under the covers with disgust. There was nothing there.
I laid back down and tried to fall back asleep and every time I started to fall into the sweet abyss that is slumbering I would find myself disturbed by ‘bug bites’…where there were no bugs.

I didn’t get a lot of sleep that night.

Me at the Coba ruins

Off I went to mexico…and had a most amazing time.

I didn’t feel sad, worried or angry. I came up with a theory I’ll share later…But where I was staying was All-inclusive and KICK ASS.

Then I got a call from my ‘lady doctor’. My pap came back abnormal. I have never had an abnormal pap. 

In my mind I thought I had cancer. I was completely discouraged. I hadn’t had a pap in 4 years. (I had to wait because my insurance wouldn't cover it until I had been with them for 2 years.) 

I wondered how long I had cancer. Had it spread? Was I going to die?

I had to go back to my ‘lady doctor’ to have a biopsy. That word, biopsy, scared me.

I was utterly irrational. 

I couldn’t focus. 

I couldn’t see reality.

My dreams continued to bother me and at night I started…hallucinating. 

I couldn’t pass a mirror at night. I was scared of what I would see.

Yeah…not so good.

Then it turned bad. ;) 

Note…I was fully aware what was happening and going on in my mind and why. It gave me no consolation though.

It felt like there was an electric fence under my skin and it kept on ‘zapping’ (like the bug bites but the electric fence analogy is more on point). 

Then I got the hives. Not in one place…all over.

I called my doctor as soon as I could. 

They told me to stop taking the Wellbutrin.

I popped benadryl and had anti-histamine cream all over me for days.

I looked like I was tweaking because my skin kept ‘zapping’ me and the itchiness was driving me insane.  

A week later I’m better. A few bruises where the hives had migrated. 

I still have a bit of itchiness.

I didn’t quit smoking…yet. I’m still working on it, old school.

My theory on why I was ok in Mexico is a simple one. I drank margaritas on the beach, cocktails for lunch, mimosas for breakfast and for dinner…well, I think you get my drift. 

The alcohol counter acted the Wellbutrin.

I know it says don’t drink alcohol while taking it…I’ve never really been known to follow direction though.

You may wonder now why I find it funny…I found it funny the whole time I was taking it…aware the whole time but not able to change my emotions.

I was a fucking TrainWreck and that’s an understatement. 

I had every bad side effect you can imagine and I only covered some on this blog.

I’m back now.  

I had an adventure in my Temporal lobe…what did you do this summer?

Oh…and the moral of this story is…Don’t put a person that’s NOT depressed on an anti- depressant.

Waldo Canyon Fire

I’ve never had a hometown.
I’m not from anywhere.
For me to tell you I have never felt more at home and peace in a place would be an understatement.
Colorado Springs is my home now.
I have lived here for 5 years and I don’t plan on leaving.

Saturday June 23 a wisp of smoke was spotted.
The next day we had a full blown forest fire.
A whole town, Manitou Springs, was evacuated.

On June 26th we watched this devastating fire lick the peaks of our beautiful hills as it got dangerously close to homes…then the sky blew up as the winds gusted.
You could see it all over from many vantage points.
Burning eyes of red flames dotting and spreading as we caught on fire.
Mouths agape covered with our hands we watched in shock.

Let us all be thankful that those people in those houses were evacuated in time.

The firefighters have come from all over the country to help fight this fire.
Our police have been busy as well keeping the criminals from entering evacuated sites.

The Care and Share drop off has had a mile long line as my/our community comes together like I have never seen a community do so.
This is not a normal town. This is the second largest city in Colorado but still a small town where everyone knows someone affected.
We learned today that 346 houses/peoples homes were destroyed.
16,500 acres burned and over 35,000 evacuees.

This city of Colorado Springs and the state of Colorado is one of the most amazing places I have ever been and lived (that says a lot, I’ve been all over the world).
The people are happy, and wouldn’t you be if you got to live here?
I know my checkout cashiers and the guy that bags my groceries.
I even like my landlord.
My Children will know Colorado Springs as their home town.

This is MY Colorado.

The Denver Sidewalk Chalk Festival.

Hanging Lake.

Boulder

Random deer...

This is my LoveBug two blocks from my house

This is OUR Colorado.





If you want to help there are many sites like the Red Cross, and you can ear mark your money to go where you desire…

One site I kinda like…a lot is
http://www.wildfiretees.com/
You can also like them on Facebook.
El Pomar is also a wonderful site that has been a local and loving member to our community, as it IS our community.
This is a beginning not an ending. Our economy will boom.

Dumb-Ass Hot-Mess

How do you tell your Mom and Dad…
Me…”Sorry Mom and Dad, I’m not sure if you raised a dumb-ass of a hot-mess or I just became one as my years as a klutz on this earth escalated into this Un-Holy being that I am now."
I can sorta blame it on them right? Well maybe her. (I love you Mom…I’m YOUR girl.)
My Mom did take a tumble while I was busy minding my business trying to take human form, although Un-Holy for sure, in her Uterus sucking every fun quality I could from her…she kept many for herself though as she puffed away on her Virginia Slims, thankfully.
I’M JOKING!!! Not about the tumble and I was the one of the four of us that she didn’t smoke with while pregnant.

I think I have always been a disaster, a ragamuffin, a pigpen…
…Even at the age of 40, put me on a water ride with a bunch of Children and I’m the one that gets soaked to the bone, hair matted down to that of my greasy headed youth…
I can’t walk up the stairs with out tripping…This shiz has amplified as I’ve grown older.
When I was a Child I broke my thigh bone connected to the hip bone so high I was in a body-cast for some time…wheeled around in a red wagon by my siblings and cousins…I had to learn to walk all over again…Ahhhhhhh...Youth!
Youth is no longer on my side and Karma seems to be taking over. You would have thought I followed direct orders and killed an innocent bystander…he was guilty though, I swear. (That’s a joke people. I don’t think I’ve ever killed anyone…Not even on our road trip last year when the rear lights weren't working we turned ALL the lights on in the camper we were towing during a heavy down pour at dusk:/ I’ve done everything I can to prevent it.)

Some/Most to include my passive aggressiveness of my ailments are just remnants of injuries that have gone haywire in the last months as I’ve tried to ignore them, knowing deep down inside my mantra is…
…”Cells are just a pre-cancerous condition”
I should be thankful so far that all I have wrong with me is some bone, nerve, arthritis and tendon issues.

Note…We are all gonna die…it’s inevitable.

I could put it off no longer…I had to make an appointment with my hand/wrist Doc/Surgeon.

For the last 5 months I’ve lived under the guise of not being crippled. (I’m not really crippled, I’m just bitchy and probably PMS because if I’m not in the midst of my cycle, well you should just gather that I am PMS.)
In my right wrist I have an evil case of tendonitis only appropriate for an Un-Holy being.
It’s left a protruding ‘painful' nodule about the size of a penny on the underside of my wrist.
I’ve had it for months, 7(?) of them. My Doc tried injecting me with 'I don’t know what' but it looked like a 7 month old babies snot that’s had a cold for a couple weeks and the Mom is sick of wiping it on her sleeve so until someone looks she just lets that young child have a snack that’s dripped from it’s nose to perhaps ease the tension? blow up the tendon? I don’t know…but it was the easiest most un-invasive procedure that could possibly fix my problem. I waited for it to perhaps suicide subside. It worked for a few weeks then came back like that 3rd cousin that finds you after you win the lottery and Judge Judy can’t get rid of them with out the help of sidekick Byrd…After I had another visit with him where he said another shot won’t cure it and that I should see how long I can take it then go from there.
Well here I am months later and surgery to remove my tendon is now really only debatable in my psyche.
How excited am I?!
Not.
I made suggested we try another shot hoping the pain would at least ease for awhile. Now my wrist hurts and is bruised but I think it will ease my discomfort...a bit for a few weeks till I set the date to get rid of that bitchy tendon that it turns out …I don’t need?!!!

My left arm has also acted up in the oddest ways…my pinky and ring finger have enjoyed a great deal of attention and are acting like brats…The pain(?) enjoys taking road trips up my forearm and likes to party at night with my right forearm.
I have to see a nerve specialist. We will have to go from there about that…

My thumbs are…”A monkey can do that!” They don’t have thumbs…I have thumbs that are just malicious and bad tempered and need to be shackled into submission (braces when they hurt is what I mean, that’s not a sexual reference, pervert;).

http://behindthebookscover.blogspot.com/2012/02/rock-and-hard-place.html

This was written not for sympathy…Phleeeeease…Big picture people…I’ve got that.
It was written for my friends that got frustrated with me when I didn’t tell them that I had injured my right wrist…
…And most of all for my own entertainment.

Surgeon Is Retiring

OEF ‘06

My Ex Husband, "Surgeon", is retiring tomorrow from the Air Force after 25 years of service.

Yes, we have had our differences and are probably two of the most opposite people on the planet but to say I wasn’t proud of him and his accomplishments would be a lie.

Honor, dignity, integrity…

He is a 1987 graduate of the United States Air Force Academy.
He was a T-37 instructor and an HH-60 pilot, a Jolly Green Giant.
He was Commander of the largest Rescue Squadron in the Air Force.
He is retiring as the Chief Of Staff, Domestic Relation, NorthCOM (I think that’s his title) as an 06.

I don’t even think I can count the multitude of deployments to…
Kuwait
Turkey
Iraq
Afghanistan
Sri Lanka
…yada, yada, yada...
ALL the TDY’s, that number would be off the hook...

All the deployments, TDY’s and his dreaded Blackberry end tomorrow as he begins a new life…a less stressful one as a math teacher at one of the best high schools in Colorado.

I don’t believe he shared his retirement date via social media so this is me announcing it for him if you had not heard.

…”These things we do...that others may live”…was his motto for so many years and his green feet I believe he will always wear with pride.

The Coupon Craze

I used to coupon years ago but it was an unorganized mess of cut-out colouful pieces of paper shoved haphazardly in no particular order in a battered envelope. I wasn’t very successful.
I’m successful saving money at the store/cooking our meals and not buying prepared foods and such (mostly)…but I knew I could do better.

Note…Kat and I come up with ingenious ways to save money…not just irritate people.

Several months ago Kat and I were hanging out trying to find nothing to do as our children ran wildly around making animal noises irritating each other…Flipping through the channels we came across the show, ‘Extreme Couponing’…She says to me…
…”Don’t you coupon?”
Me…”No.”
Kat…”You are gonna start.”

That Beeeeahtch decided to set me up.

She brought over some of her sons clear baseball card insert thingys and I put them in a notebook.
…and off I went.
On Sundays now I go over early and steal her newspaper from her driveway to check for good coupons. If there are any one of us will go to the local Walgreens and grab a few papers for each of us.

You HAVE to be smart about this and not get caught up in…
…”Oohhhh…I have a coupon, I should buy it.”
You have to look up the store you frequent coupon policy for one. (Extreme couponing does not really exist.)
My favorite grocery store allows 3 like items with coupons. It doubles coupons up to $1.00 everyday as well.
Sales start on Sundays and Wednesdays, you most likely get circulars in the mail and you should read them.
If you are able to take time in the store you will see additional sales.
You can download coupons on to your store card so you don’t have to carry coupons, but you can not load multiple coupons but you can cut out multiple coupons.
Take a calculator with you. Often times when a gift card or ‘Walgreens cash’ or such is involved the items are not on sale and math is involved…
It might still be a better deal or it might be a better deal to wait to use your coupons till such items go on sale, forgoing your ‘cash' or gift card.
Don’t buy shiz you would not use.

Sometimes the store brand is cheaper than a name brand even with a doubled coupon.
Sometimes somethings will be cheaper at one store and others cheaper at the store you regularly shop…is it worth your time and gas?
Sometimes shopping at Costco or Sam’s is a better deal. If you don’t think you can use a case, or don’t have room for a case, of apples? or an absurd amount of salami, go in with a friend and split it.

It’s like a game of 'The Price Is Right’.

I have been able to get toothpaste for less than a dollar, deodorant for 6 cents, Raman (which my boys love) for free, Tide for $2.00, Ragu (which I bought for ‘emergency purposes’) for 17 cents.

Other ways I save money are much more traditional...
…Buy meat on sale, only when it’s on sale.
Plan your meals ahead of time as you look at your circulars but don’t get stuck on said meals…I plan meals while I’m at the store as I see what’s on sale.
Chicken with bones in are always cheaper and removing bones is not that difficult or time consuming with practice.

Above I said ‘extreme couponing doesn’t exist’…That does not mean you can not save 1/3 off your grocery bill.
http://www.jillcataldo.com/supermarket_apologizes_for_extremecouponing

Some of my favorite sties and Apps are below…
http://www.passionforsavings.com/2011/04/extreme-couponing/

https://www.facebook.com/pages/Crazy-Coupon-Lady/142411752444680?ref=ts

http://www.couponsherpa.com/

http://www.totallytarget.com/

There are so many site you can access these days and it only takes a few minutes to do so. It’s only worth it if you DO it though.