Wasabi Doritos

I love Wasabi Doritos…
No…I am IN Love with them and simultaneously Love them.

I refuse to deny it…and profess this publicly.

Sometimes I like to lick them gathering all the salty spiciness on my tongue.
Then I like to take them into my mouth all at once gently and slowly pressing them up against the roof of my mouth with my tongue making them undeniable mine as I swallow them into me.

They have more depth of flavor than any other chip I’ve ever had…

...A corny center...
...Smeared in a layer of green...
…And breakable…
…Yet Edgy still…
…They don’t judge me…
…They love me quietly back…
…They get me all excited in a way no chip has ever done before…
…They me calm when I’m stressed…
…There Intensity mystifies and captivates me...
…They are so mentally stimulating I have write about them!…
…Even my children love them...

I don’t mind sharing them with my Children but I don’t like to share them with anyone else...

Some people might say…
…”But they aren’t good for you."
I don’t care.
I love them.

Are We Entitled To Friends?

Yesterday as I was accomplishing nothing…unless sitting on my sofa watching Bridezillas can count as something…

I saw/heard something that bothered me…Ok, the whole thing bothered me.

YES….I admit it…I was watching Bridezillas!
Have you ever seen it?
I don’t watch it often but when I do I feel like one of the nicest, most considerate people in the world.
These women infuriate me.

Note…Don’t judge my T.V. watching choices. Keep in mind that I sit and type for hours and hours and only some of what I type I post. Plus Dr. Who or Top Gear weren’t on.

So some back story if you’ve never seen the show…and no..this blog is NOT just about this show.
The show follows two Women Trainwrecks days before and leading up to their wedding.
These Women Bitches think they are entitled to anything and everything they desire all because they are ‘having a wedding’. Please note that I didn’t say, 'Getting married’.
Their focus is to create havoc for everyone around them all because they think they are the most important person in the world…and…
... “it’s the most important day of their life.”
Anyone that has been married knows it’s not the wedding…it’s the marriage that should be the focus…not their nails and having Bridesmaids be at their beck and call for ridiculous errands and queries just so they can feel ‘special’.

Now that I have said that…
…The sense of Entitlement some have exacerbates me.

Are we entitled to Friends…
...if we treat them badly?

I’m not a perfect Friend.

Sometimes I spout out advice when none was asked for...
My Friends roll their eyes often at me.
F9 would ask for my advice but didn’t like my answers and would get pissed at me.
I lost F9 as a Friend.
Tonight as I chilled with F69 at her house I said…
…”If you ever want to move your furniture around in here…I’d love to help.”
She’s cool…she knows I love shit things like that.

I’m a bit of a homebody and don’t always like to go out...
My Girl Friends know I usually spend my weekend nights alone and invite me over often. I don’t always take them up on it. Oddly it took a long time to get used to being alone by myself. I’m finally ok and comfortable with it and welcome it.

My Friends know that I will not offer something I don’t mean...
Child care for-instance…
...I have my Children only half the time…if my Children are not here I would have no clue what to do if you dropped yours off. However if my Children are here whats, 1, 2, 5 or 6 more? Strangely it makes no difference to me when my Children are home.

I also won’t say something I don’t mean…
This means that if I give someone…ANYONE a compliment it is not empty…I fucking mean it.

I’m now gonna go off on a bunny trail…
…because
My friends…
…Are one of the greatest gifts anyone could have.
If you live here or there...

My Friends here in CO…to quote my Brother from another Mother…
SF15…’We moved here to meet you.’
I think it was the other way around…

F4 once…at the last minute watched my 3 Children so I could go on a casting call. I dropped them off in the evening and picked them up the NEXT evening…she never once asked anything from me. Thank’s H F4…
…one day I will pay you back…

My Old School Friends that I haven’t seen in years…We talk and grow together as we reminisce and learn that no matter how much we didn’t/or did have in common then…Now we are the same, living parallel lives.

My Jollylicous/Military Friends that stuck by me after my Marriage disintegrated…
…My REAL Friends…that didn’t Judge me…or him.
…You not once changed the dynamics.

My Really, Really OLD friends from long, long ago…that support me in my quest…I swear y’all live either in Canada, Barbados or the UAE!

My Sisters that I once just considered Cousins…life handed you a fucking miss-dealed hand…You are Stefania and My Sister’s now…and with that closer Friends as well.

…I don’t always know that I deserve the friends I have but I do know I am blessed YOU are in my life.
You are THE most non-judgmental, loving, beautiful, funny, wise people a Woman could have to love and support her…
…One day I would like to give you what you have given me.

I really could go on and on and on…and I will…but not here…

I didn’t bring this Shit to full circle this time…don’t care either. Hop, hop, hop I went on a bunny trail;) (Yes, that was for you...)

Divorce: Pro’s and Con’s

Yes, the idea of divorce is a scary. 

I’ve been there done that.

Does it make me an expert?

Yes…

…because I am living proof of a successful, happy divorce.
I’m speaking for myself only. I have no idea if my Ex is happy.
…I do know that had I not taken the steps to remove myself from my toxic marriage my Ex would be a widower. 

Weighing the Pro’s and Con’s…

A.You’re are spiting up your family and afraid you will harm your Children…

There are many schools of thought on this and mine is the only one that matters because I’m right…the others are just wrong.

These are some of the very bad and retarded mentally slow schools of thoughts…that are ruining people and making them second guess themselves as they go slowly insane in a prison of their own making…or one of their spouses making...
1. Some people suggest you should stay married for your children and you are being selfish.
2. There is no such thing as a ‘good’ divorce.
3. Children will grow up and be un-happy and un-successful in relationships because the come from divorced families.


My answer to these retarded mentally slow schools of thought is simple.
It’s better for Children to grow up in a broken home fixed relationship. Where two people can finally admit they were not meant for each other. That way the Children can note and observe a HEALTHY relationship as opposed to a toxic one.
In time they will understand that marriage is complicated and be proud that their parents were smart enough to achieve that which is so looked down upon, a flourishing Divorce.

Note…Divorce is not a bad word for me…it’s a healthy one. I have noticed that since my divorced I have lost ‘friends’ but I know it’s their own loss and not mine.

B. One person will most likely be un-happy and you don’t hate them and wish them no ill  will...

It’s true divorce is not often approached as a democracy but is inclined to be suggested by one member.
The person on the ‘hurting’ end is almost always acting surprised…they had just been lying to themselves for years sometimes. The truth is the most painful thing to hear and admit to themselves.

This does NOT mean they will be un-happy forever. They, with time and maybe a therapist WILL get over it. If they don’t get over it you have to know that it’s THEM NOT YOU that are the source of their unhappiness.

Note…If you are on the outside looking ‘in’ and think it’s the fault of ONE person YOU are wrong. I take a ownership in my own failed marriage and know that I was half the problem. So wake the fuck up. There is nothing for you to judge.

Note to the note…I am obviously not discussing physically abusive relationships. We all know that when one person is physically abused they need to get the fuck out as soon as they can... and we can judge those mother-fuckers people all we want.

C. Finances…

 In this day and age almost everyone is having financial issues…married or not.
My suggestion is to use a Financial Mediator. It doesn’t matter if you have cashola or not...
I have one I highly recommend to people here in Colorado Springs.
http://www.denisatova.com/contact.asp

I have a few things to say now…
There are some people who want to get divorced but haven’t grown a set of balls as big as mine yet. I worry about their sanity.
I have helped and hindered relationships. I must admit this…the hindered part. I know that my view on life is abstract to some but to me it’s just the plain old fucking truth that others can not admit to.
I am a steadfast believer in MARRIAGE. One that is filled with Truth, Honesty, Friendship, RESPECT, Love and lot’s and lot’s of amazing sex.
In the end all I want is for you to be Happy…but that’s another blog...

Note…I realize this is a crappy pro and con comparison and I could and probably will do better and think of more reasons for the “Pro’s and Con’s”….that’s for my book though...

When Life Gives You Lemons

You know that saying…
…”When life gives you lemons add some tequila and salt.”…

Note…It’s lime’s, not lemon’s that most adults people prefer for their Tequila shots.

Or…
…”When life gives you lemons make lemonade.”
…”When life gives you lemons make lemonade and just add Vodka.”

Note…that last one is a favorite of My F’s and Me...

I saw a friend of mine’s post this AM…
…”When life gives you lemons just start tossing them at people.”

Have you ever had one of those days that you just felt like a whole fucking Lemon tree has fallen on top of you?
Or that someone else saw that post about tossing Lemons at people and decided to do just that and You didn’t duck in time?

We’ve all had these kind of Days, Months and some of us even Years.
It’s hard to look at everything in a positive manner when everything sucks ass and not in the good ass sucking kinda way.

That bitter taste that is left in your mouth when the shit hits the fan and it’s whipping smelly crap all around and you have no idea how on earth you are gonna clean it up nothing seems to be going right and you see no fix in sight…

I have some of my own sayings…

A…”Know your audience.”
B…”Someone else always has it worse off.”

Note…these two go hand in hand for me…

Before you start tossing lemons at people…
…If you know them…Evaluate what you know about them…should you really complain to them that you are having a difficult time with stupid shit mundane things if the person you are talking to has a spouse that’s been deployed for months?
…If you do not know them…perhaps someone threw a lemon at you and you have decided to throw it back at some innocent bystander…Do the world a favor…quickly make up a back story, a pretend one…Imagine a scenario where they just went through something dreadful. Do you really want to be an ass the person to throw a lemon just because you think it will make you feel better?

C…”I’ve got this.”

This has several meanings...
I have to say this in my head so often it redonkulous preposterous.
1. I am either put in situations or I PUT myself in situations that sometimes need to be dealt with in the oddest manner…
…”I’ve got this."
2. It also means that no matter what or how many lemons are thrown at me...I know I can handle it.
…”I’ve got this.”
Sometimes it means…
3. ”I love you so much I’ll move heaven and earth for you.”
…”I’ve got this."

D…”Just stand on the kitchen counter…you/I need a different perspective.”

I have done this numerous times. It has a two fold effect…
#1. I can see dust that I have previously over looked, due to the fact that I am only 5.7, that my tall  friends have been kind enough to not embarrass me about.
#2. To look at something from another perspective can add clarity where you may not have realized you lacked it.

…………….
Awesomely I wrote all this, this morning…not a FUCKING Lemon in site...
Then this after noon as I was getting my hair done…
...I had a Lemon tree dumped on top of me…
But you know what…
I said to the Un-Holy Trinity that makes up Me, Myself and I…
…”Don’t get your panties in a wad. You’ve got this!”
Then when I got home I stood on my kitchen counter for a new perspective…
…I’m now going to clean the top of my nasty ass refrigerator and then get one of my cleaning brushes and take care of some of my kitchen grout.
…And I am NOT the most important person in the world and my want’s/need’s and feelings will again, go on the back burner…I’m just afraid they will evaporate there with time.

I will now refer to Letter B above...

Vaccinations Harmful Or Helpful?

I started writing about Peanut allergies and got majorly side tracked as I did my research…

Note…I’m good at researching things and because of it and my experiences on this planet I know a lot of things…some of them useful others not so much.

What has vexed me so is an article by, Lawrence Wilson MD
the title of the article is…
…Vaccination-A Medical Abomination
http://www.drlwilson.com/articles/VACCINES.08.htm


Please read the above article if you desire but then you need to read what I… the Un-Holy Trinity that IS Me, Myself and I, Kristin has to say!

I do not have a MD after my name…but I am in no way less intelligent than someone with one!
I DO believe I have more common sense than this Wilson character has, that is for damn sure…

If you really believe Vaccinations are the cause of all our ills you’ve never been to a third world country and witnessed the pain of parents as they watch their children wither and sometimes die from…
…Typhoid
…SmallPox
…Diphtheria
…Polio
…because their Children were not vaccinated and exposed to others with said diseases.

He, Wilson, has loads and loads of crap layered on to some shit about why you shouldn’t vaccinate yourself or your children.

Note…I know that was a very mature sentence…

I re-read it and re-read it again. The last thing I want to do is look like an asshole not knowing what I am talking about.

Lets say you didn’t vaccinate your children because you are a retard mentally slow. You are going through the airport, lets say Hartsfield International in ATL, with your un-vaccinated children…
…Passerbyers all around you…inhaling, exhaling coughing and hacking…
…Later the next week your un-vaccinated child is at the play ground and sees some cute little baby and plays…
…”coochy, coochy, coo…”
…A week later that poor baby who isn’t old enough to be vaccinated gets SmallPox and dies because you and your asshole self didn’t realize until it was to late that your child had SmallPox.
Should you be responsible for your un-responsible behavior and held accountable for a death that need not have occurred? Just sayin’...

Now I will say I DO know that in SOME instances after someone is vaccinated there are complications and sometimes death occurs.

Guess what?!
We are trying to eradicate diseases and you are not helping…but actually hurting society.

Guess what else?!
It’s quite a bit more dangerous to get in a car with your child than to Vaccinate them…and you do it ALL the time!
I can’t say that loud enough to be honest.

If you read the article…
...I have news for Wilson Md, none of my 3 Children had prenatal care, they have all been Vaccinated AND I don’t force vegetable down their throats…AND I make them drink…get this...TAP WATER!
They don’t have Autism or ADHD either.
They are actually quite bright and healthy.

Seriously I feel like I sound like a raving lunatic again because common sense dictates to me that some of these…new diagnoses have always existed just with no name.

If you don’t agree with common sense that’s OUR problem and you are putting people at risk by potentially spreading diseases that need not occur.

I know people that do not vaccinate their Children and I still like these people.
You can throw articles and studies galore at me about why you should not Vaccinate your Children and there will be articles and studies to throw back…
…But when people get their minds set on something they believe in and become so passionate about it they loose sight of the bigger picture and are pretending to live in a world where they know best.
That is their foolish choice that is harmful to the rest of us.

http://behindthebookscover.blogspot.com/2011/02/autism-and-vaccines.html

I’m actually gonna go on and on about this but not for my blog…for my book.

The Progression Of My Knee

December 17th, 2010 I was involved in a JuJitsu accident while belt testing.
I tore my ACL, MCL and Meniscus in my right knee.
As I laid on the mat the first thought I had was…
…”I feel like the most mature woman in the world right now…I have my own health insurance.”
…I also knew that even with insurance I was going to be out several thousands of dollars in fees and I was grateful I had some savings.

I had other thoughts as well…
…Because I knew I would be fine…I was concerned for Shihan John’s and Sensei Eric’s thought’s. Shihan doesn’t know me well…I have trained mostly in the smaller school with Sensei Eric, who does know me well.
There was no way they could know that I thought of it in the sense of…
…’I’m gonna go on an adventure…”

I also saw it as in my screwed up brain…
…A right of passage.

The other students helped me get home and my Instructors and the Students checked in on me often.

http://behindthebookscover.blogspot.com/2010/12/eliminate-threat-change-focus.html

I wrote the above blog before testing…

I had my surgery on January 31, 2011.

I’d like to thank that dead person for signing up to be on organ donor…
...for without this person…
…I wouldn’t have an ACL.
Holes were drilled into my bones and my donated ACL was screwed in.

The muscles in my once very nice right leg quickly melted into nothing.

I can’t kick, turn, twist or have heavy jolts at all to my knee still.
I can’t even wear any of my fabulous shoes.
I was just, last month, emancipated from the constraints of what had become one of my best friends…my leg brace. Which I had to wear in public and around Children.
My Doc. told me last month knowing how frustrated I have been that…
…”It’s going to take at least a year.”
His honesty was something I didn’t want to hear but I am accepting.
Slowly but surely they will release me so I will be able to participate in the activities I enjoy.

I see my Physical Therapist Terrorist weekly…he’s my friend and my Redheaded wonder.
He rolls the side of my leg and massages it behind my knee. Sometimes I’m brought to the brink of tears.
He also watches me move as I do the workouts he has instructed me to do.
The people I see on a daily basis know that the healing process has been a little more physically painful than I let on publicly.
Sometimes, I hope my Doc. doesn’t read this!…’Cause he’s also my friend…
…when I’m on my feet for an extended amount of time I limp. I try not to, but it hurts. It hurts even when I’m not active and just sitting here while I type away.
It always aches and sometimes...
It feels like…
...a hundred different needles have been inserted into various places in my leg.
I want my pain meds back in the worst way…but I can take it.
The Marines have a saying…
…”Pain is weakness leaving the body.”
At times I think I might be the strongest woman in the world, able to leap tall buildings and such and what have you…but I’m not allowed to jump.

I have worked hard to gain back my muscles and I almost look normal again…almost. My leg no longer looks like a large onion with two lanky roots...

…Enough about that…

Now for some picture of the progression of one knee that was once described by my Doc. as…
…"Mashed Potatoes."

<—My leg after my accident.



My knee after surgery—>

<—The deep bruising ran and pooled all the way to my feet eventually. I still have some bruises remaining in my shin.

I had to keep my bandages dry. So I wrapped my leg in Press and Seal.






The bandages came off slowly—>




I have 5 new scars that I am proud of now.





<—My leg brace did not hinder my going out with my friends.
…and no one could see that I didn’t have a pretty leg under my brace.

I took a lot of courage, being as vain as I am, to eventually venture out in public without my brace and in shorts.




This is my electrical stimulation…—>
I get to control the amount of stimulation . I made it a bit of a game to see how high I could take it. I took it to 200…then decided 165 was my ‘comfort’ point.

You can see that my leg looks almost normal now.



It has been an adventure for sure...one that I would not change.

JuJitsu Belt Testing is this week and I can’t partake in the ‘festivities of pain’…One day in the next, hopefully couple of months, I’ll make it back to class so I can Train, Learn and Earn my next level belt…with the goal to be an Ass Kickin’ Bitchin' Wiccan.

I’ll also be able to run, dance, jump around like a fool, kick, turn, twist and wear fabulous shoes.

OSU!

Fuck. What Does It Really Mean?

Fuck=to make love=to have sex
It means the above and SO much fucking more to me though.

The word Fuck is maybe one of THE most fucking offensive words in the English language…and how fucking fun it is!
Some of my compatriots have never even uttered it…
…I think they are fucking chicken shits…joke, they aren’t...They just have more fucking couth than me.

I love the word fuck and use it often.

My readers know, that by fucking accident of course, I have taught my Children to swear…just by being in the same fucking vicinity as Me.

It’s not a ‘Bad’ word to me…
...to me…it’s…
…a fucking exclamation point sometimes...
…!!!!…

…it can also mean...

Me…"Ah Fhuuuck”
…Said in an exacerbated way means…
…”That did not work out the way I planned.”

Note...With less  fucking words…I’m saving the  fucking world from my overly fucking wordy ways…come on haven’t you  fucking noticed how fucking wordy I really am? I really like the sound of my own fucking obnoxious voice. I probably talk and type more fucking shit out because not only do I think I’m one of the funniest fucking people on the planet but because I’m such a fucking narcissist I think you fucking want to hear and read what I have to fucking say!

Me…”FUCK!”
…Said loudly and angrily it means…
…”Shit, Damn, Son Of a Bitch…That hurt like a mother Fucker!”
With less words…

…Or…

…”Get out of the left lane now asshole or I’m gonna ram my Uber Cool MiniVan into your stupid Prius…can’t you see I’m busy speeding here?!”


Me…”Fuck…”
…Obviously said quietly…
…”I can not BELIEVE what a retard mentally slow person I am…I just I texted that to my Ex. That was meant for someone else…SHIT! Stupid ass phone!!!”…
…’Cause it’s the phone’s fault, not mine.

Me…”Fuck.”
…Said in a medium cool tone…
…”I can’t believe I came all this way, to second worst mall in Colorado Springs and forgot my wallet.”

Me…”Fhhhuuuuccckkkkkk”
…”I’m gonna look like an idiot yet again. I can’t believe I forgot that Birthday party…Why do I always forget this shit? I really need to get my fhshizzle organized.”

Me…”Fuck Yeah!!!!”
…Said loudly and proudly…
…”Damn I’m good. I can’t believe what a genius i AM!!!!”

Note…I’m still waiting for fucking Mensa to knock on my fucking  door…I think I’ll be waiting for a another fucking lifetime now that I have just fucking blogged about the word fuck.

Me…”Oooooooh Fhhhuuuuuck!”
…Said in a breathy tone…
…”Oh my Gods that feels amazing…Please…Don’t…Stop…”

Me…"Fuck Me”
…This one is said in various ways and has a plethora of meanings…

…”Really? This is what my life has become?”

…”Would ya’ll just PLEASE leave me alone…Damn this is already one long summer and we are only into the third week!”

…Or…

…”Fuck me.”…
...Plain and simple…straight forward no messin' around here we are 2 consenting adults lets take our clothes off and slap some uglies get our groove on!!!

I’m sure I could fucking break it down further…and I will…but you will one day, when I am fucking published, have to break out your fucking wallet and BUY my fucking book, as soon as I’m fucking published, or fucking PAY to see me talk in fucking person…and I will just have started on my fucking way to World Domination!…
…Because that will just be the fucking beginning!

Note…If I have offended you…take your fucking panties off they’re in a fucking wad…I am the Un-Fucking-Holy Trinity that makes Me, My fucking Self and I…Kristin!