Just The First Few Days Of Summer Vacay!

Note…My Children got out of school on Friday. They were with their Dad through Memorial Day so I had a clean, quiet house until 8:00am Tuesday Morning…

Friday night:

This is my friends husband.

F1 is having a party. I plan on to spending the night.
I am late to said party because Kat’s Camper shows up and we need to attach the hitch…3 hours later…WE ARE WINNERS!!!
I head to F1’s house and she has a house FULL…I have to do my cooking there…I wanted to do it at my place but…shit happens.

Saturday:
F1’spouse has coffee for me and is making bacon…I read their paper and head on out...
Nothing to do but write and watch Dr. Who on BBC America.

Sunday:
Nothing to do but write and watch Top Gear on BBC America.

Monday:
I write in the AM and Kat shows up around 1…we get shitty drunk and talk about all the people we have lost…it’s not an average amount and we are 2 Trainwrecks. Some of the people were, well, very close to us…my old boyfriend and...worse her Husband.

Tuesday:
My Children are dropped off and see the Camper that is now parked on my side yard. I have room for it and she doesn’t.
They are shitty excited and move right into it like it’s their new house…sans the screaming Mother, me.

All the Children are playing well and end up having Ice Cream before dinner and everyone is happy.

Bob’s casa

After their REAL dinner they go back out and play.
They find an injured fledgling. (That’s a baby bird.)
I don’t know this.
It starts getting dark and I yell all their Names…The ol’ shout to come home old school Mom play.
I hear from a distance my Daughter…
E…”Coming!”
It seems they brought this fledgling to their Gym teacher that lives a couple of streets up.
Me…”What on earth are you thinking?! It’s his summer vacation AWAY from you guys!”

So now we have this bird, Bob…for the night till I can take it to the WildLife refuge.

Wednesday:
Bob doing ok. I am happily optimistic.
My friend T drops off her 2 year old so I can watch her.
We are all checking how Bob is doing…
Still good.
8:30 am and I check on Bob.
Oh Shit!!!! Mother Fucker!!! Bob is still alive….but not looking so good.
Me…”hurry up get dressed now!”
We hurry out the door and my daughter keeps asking me…
E…”How much farther?!”
I give her minute to minute updates…
We get there and by now my daughter is balling!
I hand poor dead Bob to the man behind the counter at the WildLife refuge.

The whole thing didn’t go very well.
I’m sick of animal dying around me…and my daughter is a MESS!

Oh well?
Survival of the fittest?
I really hope this is the last sad thing that will happen.

Yada, yada…My house now looks like it’s been trashed by Storm Troopers looking for Han, Luke and Leia. I think I should put my Gold Cat suit on and pretend I am C3PO walking around like a robot cleaning up after them.

We head to Costco and some jackass driving, while we are crossing in the cross walk decides my Children and I are expendable.
Mother Fucker! I put my hand up and give this shitty piece of a human some choice words at the drivers side window…When I get angry, which is NOT often...but lately to often…being that my knee still hurts…relationships are fucking retarded and well I don’t know what else but I have been a total fucking bitch the last…what? month or two?
…and some idiot is now, in my eyes having intent to harm these Children of mine that yes, frustrate me, but that I would lay my body down for….don’t fuck with my Children…I’m their MOM!
He turned around and left the parking lot.
 $169.00 later I think I’ll have enough food for my youngest to last a couple of days at least.

12:30pm
POOL TIME!!!
All my Children have done, except in public thank all the God’s, is fight with each other.
I’ve packed everything I can imagine, except candy…fruit, veggies, chips and dips…
It’s time to ‘head out like a fetus’ and my youngest can’t find his bathing suit.
This is AFTER his sister hits him in the chest.
So now I have to go to Target and buy him one.
More fighting ins-sues…
Me…”Ya know what?! I would make you all stay home as punishment but then I would have to listen to you all fight and at least at the pool I don’t have to see you.”


Note…My Children are fishes in pools and the Ocean and have been swimming on their own for 5 years now.

E…”WHAT?! You don’t want to see us?”
Me…”I’m sick of the fighting. This is gonna be one long summer if you all don’t get your act together!” (For ME!)
I explain how I can love them and still be frustrated with them at the same time.

On the way to the store another idiot driver I encounter…they have forgotten their vehicle came with an INDICATOR...to let me know they are turning, so I don’t have to play some guessing game…They don’t use it and almost stop on the road to make a turn…They must know I have some awesome psychic abilities ‘cause I was not driving in “close formation” which is my norm.

We get to Target.
E looks at me shoeless.
Really?! I told them ALL to put their shoes on!
Then I see that my middle…sweet love bug…decided he didn’t need shorts…
I am gonna go insane! (He has just his bathing suit on but nothing to change in to after his shower after the pool)…I got this!)

So I leave the 2 older ones in my MiniVan and head in with the youngest…
With a STRONG warning that if they touch any of my shit I will kill them.
You as the reader can use your imagination as to my exact wording….but if you know me…you know it was ‘colourful’ to say the least.
Don’t worry, I cracked the window.

At the pool…
Peace with my girl friends but by this point I want to ask who brought the fucking vodka.
F1, F2, F4 and SF…

F1, F2 and SF and I are heading to Vegas in August with probably a couple of other Moms in need…
So we start planing our outfits…
F1…”Well we have the cabana reserved for Saturday so anyone we like we can invite them on sat…”
We chat…
F1, F4 and SF have to leave for music and gymnastics practice…

F2 and I are sitting there and she says to me…
…”You were a lot nicer on your pain meeds. You should try to get back on them!”

7:47 now…I can hear almost all the Children gathered in my hood playing up the street…
And I am hoping assorted berries, pastries and yogurt are ok for dinner.

TCMCEA

As a Parent to a 6, 7 and 9 year old you would think The Tooth Fairy and I are pretty tight.
This is not the case.
I am thinking about writing a letter to the…TCMCEA
The Children’s Mythical Creature Endowment Association

The TCMCEA has many members and they continually rape our wallets for the joys of our precious young.
The members of the TCMCEA you are most assuredly acquainted with…
…Santa
…The Easter Bunny
…Leprechauns
…The Tooth Fairy
You get the idea…

Anyway….
My poor 9 year old daughter, who is my oldest and therefore my evolving experiment in parenting keeps losing her teeth.
I am ALWAYS freaking out about it. I’m not a dentist. I have no clue how many teeth a child looses.

My Three Children had their biannual visit to the dentist today.
I learned several things. My 9 year old has many more teeth she will lose.
…and worst of all my youngest has a jacked up front tooth issue and most likely will be having surgery.

…So back to the Tooth Fairy and why we are not very tight…
She is always forgetting our house.

I know for a fact that there are many houses she likes to skip, to include my Ex’s house, so I don’t feel alone in my dislike of this lazy bitch.
She is supposed to be on a secret night mission.
Is it such a secret that it’s kept a secret from her?
NO! I know she’s been briefed.

I imagine all the consorts of the TCMCEA laying on lounge chairs on a beach in Barbados with fruity beverages with umbrellas in them talking smack about us parents and how gullible we are.
They have to have some sort of income…hell, they are in Barbados…and that place is expensive.
When they signed up I’m sure they were given an allowance for items, or money, or coins…and they are spending it on themselves!
We are gullible ‘cause we are doing ALL the work for them and they are on vacation…365/24/7!!!

What if we parents went on strike?
Do you wonder if the red phone would be brought to them and they would finally have to get up off their asses and do what they signed up for?
‘Cause as far as tooth Fairies go…
I think I am the worst replacement she could have ever picked!

Letting Go And Becoming Self-Reliant

Are you going to go through life as a victim?
…Or are you going to show the world the size of your CAJONES?!

After Divorce or any loss, learning to become Independent and Self Reliant can be one of the most difficult lessons of life.

You first have to go through the 5 steps…
…Denial and Isolation
…Anger
…Bargaining
…Depression
…Acceptance

I went through all those during my Marriage…the Divorce was MY Acceptance.
I went through them yet again…after my Divorce, except the bargaining one….I did it quickly, probably within a few months.

After you get through what feels like wandering in the midst of webs in a fog…you have to move forward and learn to make it on your own.

I was always dependent on someone and had never lived alone.

Note…My Ex was gone often so I learned a few things but how to manage somethings I found challenging.

During our marriage we both had our ‘stations in life’. I was wife who cooked, cleaned, kept the house and children. He took care of finances, cars and such.
I also depended on him to hold me when I was sad or down.

After my Divorce I had A LOT to learn…and I’m still learning.

Even though my Ex and I have an amicable relationship I have only called him a couple of times with a problem.

Note…I say this ‘cause I’m assuming here…I don’t actually recall doing any such thing.

After I moved into my house I got two flat tires in a week.
The first time it happened I removed the owners manual to my Honda Odyssey and read it.
It took me an hour to JUST get the tire off. Those bolt thingys lug nuts were on fucking tight! I was, I swear, jumping on the wrench crowbar, with all the force a 120lb woman can bring. I finally did it, all by my little bad-self.
The second time wasn’t as exciting.

I had never rented a car on my own. I have now.
I can change a regular light switch to a dimmer.

Then there are the finances…we all know I hate numbers and math but I have done well for someone who always had someone to pay the bills…

Note…Ok, he gives me money every month….but I have to manage it and it IS MINE.

I also have a real live financial advisor who manages my investments. Yes, I have funds and such. I have her because I don’t like doing those things…that’s part of the acceptance, knowing what you are capable of dealing with…

One of my stair banisters broke the other day. I fixed it by myself.
My computer got a virus. I got rid of it on my own.

Note…Someone had to help me with my DVD player…I hate shit like that.

I think THE most difficult hurdle to over come is being single after so many years.
To have no one to hold or hold back.
It’s just something you deal with.

I have just told you how independent I am. I have single girl friends that are just as more independent than me.
Not needing anyone is a powerful feeling.
As a female we are meant to be looked after…?
…depend on Men…?

Someone…called me a ‘Man Hater’…
I’m not…I love men.

I just don’t need one.

Note…Just because I don’t NEED one doesn’t mean I don’t WANT one.

Bridesmaids…NOT The Girl Version Of The Hangover!

All this fucking hype about Bridesmaids being some “hilarious” film I’m calling bull shit on.

You get me in the theater telling me it’s a ‘girls’ version of The Hangover???!!!

It’s not.

You want a real review?
It’s a GREAT film about ANNIE, a woman who’s life has not turned out the way she expected.

Note…This is something I GET!

She in Home Dates AKA Booty Call…with a total asshole. Her life is littered with debris from her past and her now.

Note…I saw a lot of myself in her…the whole in Home Dating shit…Hey, at least the guy I in Home Date…now… is…nice. I know he doesn’t want more from me and I am as cool as I can be….but I have decided I can’t get a date and if a date DOES show up they are trainwrecks!…So in Home Dating it is…although I would love to get out once in awhile, with a man and not just my girlfriends. (I’m scared, I think the guy I in Home Date will read this…but I truly understand I am in no way part of his life and won’t push it ‘cause Im ok with it…but if any one asked me out, I would hope it would be him.)

Annie is a poor soul that has had nothing gone right…they way we imagine it to be as little girls. Her business went bust, relationships are crap…and now her best friend is getting married and she is the Maid of Honor.
Lilly, the Woman getting married has a new friend who hinders the way and sabotages Annie throughout the film…in the slyest way.
There are characters I love…the Mom who just NEEDS to get to Vegas..and have some life…
….and others…
The Characters are the real woman I know that is why I love this film.

…but did I go to this film to reflect on my own failures?
NO!!!!

In the end Annie ends up with the right guy for her….not some national secret…the Cop. A normal guy. Who doesn’t want normal?

I liked the film…ish.
No I loved it. It was real life. My life-ish…I just don’t have roommates or a busted business.
I might even have more crap, I just handled it differently.


But it dragged on and on and on…maybe I would not felt it had dragged on if I had known what I was getting into?

Not A Simple Spell To Spin

The Life And Death Of Delilah

I know I’m often called the Anti-Christ but I do have some semblance of compassion.

This is the story of Delilah, one of the sweetest chiwawas that ever lived.

One of my best friends, Kat, lives across the street from me. We live almost communally as we are both single Mom’s to young Children. We sit in my living room messin’ on our computers often not even saying a word to one another, we are that comfortable together. Our Children walk in and out of our houses freely. We eat dinners and celebrate Holidays together.

On Thursday nights our other Neighbor M, will come over and we will hang out and chat, or her husband A will…it’s an open door policy.

Note…A few doors down a new Mom, single, just moved in and to our delight she’s just like us…we are pretty stoked about this.

Our ‘Hood’...

…it consists of 16 houses on a street that ends in a culdesac. There are 23 Children all under the age of 13. The Children that are old enough run around like a gang. It’s an amazing thing and to some ‘old school’, as they play out front and often in a street. Sometimes I hear them Call…

…”GAME OFF!”
That means a car is coming and they proceed to get on the sidewalk.
They play Red Rover and kickball, and sometimes just throw rocks…and then get yelled at.
They ride scooters, bikes and wagons as fast as they can down our hill.
They get yelled at often for a variety of thing to include letting Kat’s uber-sweet Chiwawa out, Delilah.
Delilah is often over at my house playing with all the children and the “Mom’s”.
It’s a great ‘hood’…where we look after each other.

Our Hoods Mascot was Delilah.

The Children would run and play with her freestyle. They would carry her around in a box or deliver her door to door.
Some of the neighbors that we don’t really chat with didn’t even know what house Delilah lived in…Kat’s or mine.
Delilah didn’t run, she hopped to and fro the bell around her neck rattling with every bounce. Like the Children she didn’t go past the stop sign when running free and she would come when called.

This was Kat’s dog. Delilah would sleep with her and loved her. Delilah would lick her face with glee…jump in her lap, curl up in a tiny ball and nap.

Sometimes when we would be hanging at my house Delilah would jump in my lap and attempt to get up all in my face. I would tell her…

…”I’m not your human, Rat, go see your Mama.”

I would call her Rat, she was tiny. It WAS a term of endearment.

The whole hood loved that little creature.

There is another neighbor we don’t hang out with that lives on the corner. She different than us and keeps to herself. She has garage sales all the time which increases the traffic on our quiet domain.

Yesterday some Asshole hit Delilah with their car.
Then…
...they just left.

Kat…”I can’t look at her.”
Me…”I got this.”

I’m not sure when Delilah took her last breath as I carried her limp body wraped in a towel to my MiniVan…
Leaving Kat in charge of my Children…
I laid Delilah gently on my lap and started driving not exactly sure where I was going, calling friends with pets looking for an emergency Vet.
I cradled and protected Delilah not for me but my friend.

I had avoided looking down and then I finally did.
Droplets of blood had steamed from her once perky ears. Her toothsome mouth agape and her eyes peering into an abyss that I could not see. Inside my MiniVan the stench of death permeated the air.
I opened my window and let her little soul out so she could ride the Rainbow with the rest of the Gods Creatures.

If I could have given her the breath of life I would have.

I got to the Vet, tears streaming down my face…of all things in public…not embarrassed at all because I loved that Dog too…and I took care of business.

When I got home the Children gathered around and I had to break the news to them.
The whaling began…
Kat’s 3 year old daughter cried over and over…
…”Delilah’s dead!”
My own daughter was in shock and distraught and I held them both but there was no calming them down. So I left them together on my sofa so I could chat with Kat.

Delilah was a little pup, not just a small one but a young one. She was generous with her love and had a way with Children and Adults alike. She had smelly little dog breath and liked to share it with anyone that would let her up near their face.
I’ll miss her but I’m glad I knew her.

Military Spouse Month…Part 2. The Art Of Keeping It Together

Military Spouses deal with a great deal of stress and distress…I’m sure you can imagine.
The last minute Tdy’s, the deployments.
The thought’s that your spouse might never come back…
…not to mention being a single parent most of the time and having to deal with no ‘Honey’ to cross things off your ‘Honey do list’.

Note…One of my friends is in the Army, Air Assault. I don’t know his wife but he has been gone for 3 years out of the last 5. How would YOU handle that?

I’ll share a couple of stories that only those that have been/are Military Spouses will understand but that those in the civilian world…

I had been married for 4 months and my Ex was headed to the desert. It was June 26th, 2004, he had an over lay at Khobar Towers. I returned home and the phone was ringing off the hook. It was a very sad day. I started that deployment scared but then reality hit me in the face...now I was scared I was going to be a widow at a very young age.
...that feeling never changed from then on.
He had a dangerous job as it was on a regular day even when in the states. Night flying over rough seas, low and slow. Have you seen the movie the Perfect Storm?

The spouses of those on the Pave Hawk/CSAR can attest to the feeling of apprehension.
…3am and your bed is still empty…

When we were at Langley my Ex would be gone 2 weeks out of every month. The disruption of the coming and going…a fucked up schedule.

Note…I might be exaggerating a tiny bit but that is what it felt like.

While we were at Langley he had to deploy. He was going to Turkey for a couple of months, not a bad deployment as far as deployments went. Our daughter had been with us for more than several months…so I was a new Mom. I didn’t have a squadron and the spouses as a support group because he was on ‘Staff’.
It was the beginning of Fall. He was supposed to be back before Thanksgiving.
He would call several times a week at about the time he was to return. Each call he would have to tell me…
…”There is still no replacement. Hopefully I’ll hear some good news next week.”
Thanksgiving came and went…
It was almost Christmas time now and I sat there with our daughter…she had no idea what was going on  as she was a little over one at the time.
The message was still the same…no replacement.
A couple of days before Christmas I made plane reservations for Christmas morning for my daughter and I to head to Florida so we could be with family for Christmas.
New Years came and went…
The same message…no replacement.
It turned into a 5 month deployment. That now a days is not a lot to most…Often when they would go on deployment their return date would be pushed back…but 3 months? That was a first for me.

Note…I may not have had a Squadron to help me but I had my neighbors and friends…Colleen, Jennifer, Leigh, Kara, Tricia and several others…Military Spouses that stuck together in the good and bad times.

Now on some “How too’s” as far as keeping it together…

When your Spouse is deployed you do NOT inundate them with SHIT that’s going wrong or bad. You talk to your friends.
You focus on the positive things happening…not that your child hasn’t had a full night sleep in weeks, therefore you haven’t either.
You lean on your friends.
Do NOT dismiss the power of the Sqd Spouses group. They know what you are going through.
Spouse Deployment dinners are for YOU! Take advantage of some down time.
There are a great deal of things to take advantage of…you will learn these things at deployment briefings…Go to them and learn! If you can’t make it call the CC Spouse the DO Spouse or the Key Spouse, they have the info you need.
Do NOT spread gossip about others you might not like…it gets back to those that are deployed and hurts moral…they are trying to get through each mission…and live to tell about it.

Note…About Gossip. The people that spread gossip often have no idea what they are talking about. This I know for truth. There were many days The First Shirt and I would sit in his office with the door closed discussing the Moral of the troops because of the maliciousness of the stupid and ignorant.

There is NO stigma attached to Anti Anxiety or Anti Depressants. You do not have to tell others you are on them…but know you wouldn’t be alone.

Being independent does not come naturally to some. That’s what your friends are for, to help you.

Note…F1’s Spouse just returned from a 16 month deployment…I hope there was not one day she felt she was alone.


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