Sage Report

 

Menopause 

the moon month cause to cease

Day after the full moon here and I have a hot water bottle at my back, hoping the heat will be relaxing. Some times I take something, sometimes I don't. It doesn't feel very good at the moment...ooo, just let up a bit. When it lets up I feel like I can accomplish... ....oop... I hear Child birth is painful. Ohwwww. My body moves forward and tightens with each cramp. ...anything.

We have men walking around and on social media pretending to be women, not a man in a dress, a man who declares him self to be anything other then what he actually is. You might wonder why we women get a bit out of sorts? My uterus is screaming at me at this moment in time. It hurts and I still have work to do. It hurts and I still have to deal with the absurdity that is being pushed into our faces. All the fucking lies...we know you are a dude Levine, Mulvaney (I just looked up the spelling and he's listed as an actress, I find him funny, "as in a clown" "You calling me a clown?!"-Joe Pesci in Goodfellas, useful till he's not. I can't wait to see the documentary, I guess that's the part that useful idiots don't understand because they are idiots.)....for all the fucks sake you want to talk about feelings? Hahahahahaha The real feeling is in my abdomen at this time. You want to use our bathrooms and changing rooms, I'm over here wondering how much blood I'm going to loose today, will I pass out again? We women often have extreme blood loss, often weeks at a time when we get near the end of our uterus being useful. Fuck your feelings, "you should fucking control that shit", isn't that is what's told to us? Fuck you. 

“Political correctness is communist propaganda writ small. In my study of communist societies, I came to the conclusion that the purpose of communist propaganda was not to persuade or convince, not to inform, but to humiliate; and therefore, the less it corresponded to reality the better. When people are forced to remain silent when they are being told the most obvious lies, or even worse when they are forced to repeat the lies themselves, they lose once and for all their sense of probity. To assent to obvious lies is in some small way to become evil oneself. One's standing to resist anything is thus eroded, and even destroyed. A society of emasculated liars is easy to control. I think if you examine political correctness, it has the same effect and is intended to.” ― Theodore Dalrymple

Have you ever been out and felt something wet between your legs and you know that it's red and bloody...? That guy Brian in the dress that just won some pageant...He never had to figure out where the bathroom was because sometimes a uterus has a mind of its own and doesn't always cycle the way you desire. This is gonna be messy... That Lea guy, the swimmer, fuck him...Im having a cramp and this shit really pisses me off. He's the one taking something that does not belong to him. Holy shit balls. We are in the midst of WW3 and a civil war and they did this on purpose...it's federal policy. ...say the truth about all this but then masses of idiots attack someone because someones 'feelings' are hurt...meanwhile these men take the positions that these women supposedly worked for. My bad, did someones feelings get hurt? Who's feelings? Why? Was something unfair? Did someone cheat? 

Then I hear these other females talking about chest binding and how useless our chest fat is and body positivity in the same conversation...Fucking feminists that hate men planted that. Dudes love titties. Women know this. You know what I never hear in 'popular culture'...ass binding. Dudes love some ass. Women know it.

This is the weirdest men against women war.  It used to be suits against skins; the man against the Man. I'm leaning forward a bit, I wonder who's looking back at me as I lean in towards my camera on my laptop, you should cover yours if you haven't yet. It's so uncomfortable...I took something...medicinal...it should kick in in a few. 

I don't use pharmaceuticals to control my cycle, I don't believe in them for my self. I don't care what you do as long as it doesn't hurt another human. 

I can't express how excited I am to have this all finished, this stage, so I can move on to the next. 

We women have stages to our lives that are clearly marked, you are a child, then your monthly cycle begins and you become a maiden. Then you become a woman, a mother, obviously this happens magically in this story, somewhere, usually in our 50's we go through menopause where our cycle stops. This is the crone stage, the old lady stage. I'm over here thinking, 'one less thing I have to manage'. It feels like Im getting one of those mean massages where you think you will leave bruised as they get out every toxin from your body, so it can start again...agggghhhhh...so not funny but I found out long ago no matter the pain you should never lose your sense of humor. 

As I was saying, I'm super excited not to have this monthly distraction that can last a week or more so I can focus? finally? This is my not so secret desire. I'll have so much more room for activities in my mind if I don't have to manage* my uterus. 

I'm 51. You wonder what it will be like when you get old. I'm not saying I'm old but as I said above, this is my last human stage (I say it like that not to be weird, but in reality it is, none of us get outta here alive) and menopause is exciting for me. I don't think most women these days, in a secular society I mean, treat their cycle with any affair. This book that I am writing covers why it is so very important; this is our future; the uterus is the first home of a human; treat it with respect. 

I don't not like those men in dresses. My distaste is felt when they say they are women and pretend to take the spot of one. 

This is cursed ground on which dare you pass. 

I'm in that liminal space between now and the future

bubbles of moments of time

surround me

one just popped

a little girl running on the beach, her long hair trails behind her the sky is blue the sun is high the horizon is red

pop

pop

All these bubbles of moments in time 

horses galloping across plains of golden fields, why are they running

a rain drop hits a red oiled linen awning, the sky is wet and grey the city is asleep

it is just pain dripping through my fingers 

as I was saying about this third stage of womanhood. Being a woman isn't about hair and nails, being a woman is sacred.   

“We were told that we needed to use violence to destroy a class, spiritually and physically. That was justification enough for torturing someone. They weren’t considered human anymore. If they were the enemy, they deserved to be strangled to death, and they deserved to be tortured. This was the education we received… the Cultural Revolution brought out the worst in people and the worst in the political system.”

Xi Qinsheng, former Red Guard