I Broke My Arm

I’ve been trying to write about Friday night but I decided to stop and write this first.

So…I broke my right arm. To be specific I fractured my radius in a few places…right at the wrist, also part of my ulna broke off.
Simply put, I slipped and fell.

The challenges I have found are numerous for someone like me. Someone who is active and most of the things I do, to include my hobbies, require the use of both hands.

Saturday morning my Children were dropped off (I hadn’t gotten dressed yet and was still in my pajamas)…I took a shower after they arrived but first I had to place a plastic bag over my busted arm and then had to figure out how to cover and seal my jacked up self with my Glad, Press and Seal…with one arm. Not the easiest task, it took me about 15 minutes.
Whilst in the shower I grabbed the shampoo and squooze (that’s not a word, but should be one) some shampoo on my head…probably about 1/2 cup ‘cause I couldn’t see a damn thing. Then I laughed as I spent the next few minutes getting all the suds out of the little hair I have...on my head;)

Note…My Daughter, BrownNut was visibly upset and said…
…”You just aren’t like other Mom’s.”
Me…”No honey, I’m not. Do you want me to be?”
BN…”No, because then you wouldn’t be you and you are a pretty awesome Mom because you’re not like the others."

My daughter helped me with my bra. All the pants I bought when I had my knee surgery have come in handy…I bought them because I was able to wear my leg brace under them. I find them now so wonderful for there ease and the waste band that doesn’t look so bad.

Later that evening the Children and I headed to F69’s house for dinner. We were supposed to attend a party for one of the F’s but I really didn’t want to be around to many people…SF69 made sure all the Children were fed as the rest of us sat and chatted.

Note…I met a really nice couple that night and wish they lived here.

Sunday AM my Children were picked up by their Father and I finally had time to contemplate my situation.

I got in the shower and repeated my routine with the Press and Seal and such.
I thought to myself…
…”I think I’m gonna have to let my underarm hair grow. It’s not like anyone that matters will notice ‘cause I haven’t, still, seen my in-homedater since summer started and it’s not like there is anyone else in my life that I need to look good for and keep their attention so they don’t stray…” Those were my exact thoughts.

After my shower I stood in my bedroom naked and put lotion on as many places I could reach with my right hand. My left arm was going to have to forgo any attention. (F15 had let me know she would lather my whole body up if I asked;)….I heart her.)
Then it came time to put my bra on. After about a half hour of frustration I was crying and laughing because I was so determined to do it all on my own. I could have asked Kat to come over but I was to stubborn. I finally got that damn bra hooked…and no, there was no way I was going to be able to forgo my bra.
I then wished I had a boyfriend that loved me and would come over and help me, without asking. Then that thought left my brain as it was stupid; I have only one T.V. and I refuse to give up the remote control.

Note…These were/are my actual thoughts. This blog is where I am honest about/with Me, Myself and I.

Last night I was trying to make dinner, pasta and a red sauce. Kat, all the Children and I needed to be fed.

Note…Monday night was Pizza night ‘cause our schedules are filled with music classes on Mondays…so I didn’t have to cook.

…I needed to add a can of diced tomatoes to my sauce…I don’t have an electric can opener…Kat opened it for me. I had the base of my sauce in the freezer, easy peasy lemon squeezy. I filled a stock pot with water then tried to pick it up with one hand….that was a ‘no go’. I grabbed one end of it and pressed the other side of the pot on the side of my belly to get the stove.
When it came time to drain the pasta…I had to ask Kat to do it.

Laundry…I can’t right socks that are inside out. Laundry sucked before now I find it even more of a chore.

I just went over a FEW of the things that are difficult for me to accomplish…

Now on to the judging…and yes, as always someone judges me.

When the Children were dropped off on Saturday morning my Ex looked at me like I had two heads. We get along, but honestly, I am not his favorite person in the world. Sometimes I think he hates me not because of the divorce but because of who I am and what I represent…a free woman that refuses to hold her tongue.

When I broke my arm it was an accident. I had decided to stopped doing JuJitsu because class was so aggressive and I was sure to injure myself again. That does not mean I won’t take refresher courses. I had found that for my Children I needed to not put myself in precarious positions…
…Then what do I go and do but break my arm…and not just a little break but one that requires me to have one or maybe two titanium plates added to my skeleton.

After the destruction of my knee ligaments and the things I was unable to accomplish during my rehabilatation…which I’m still working on…I felt horrible for my fabulous Children. I had to ask for their help in all sorts of areas…
I was talking to my Mom yesterday and she told me that I needed to ask my Children to help me out even more…
…I have a hard time doing that.
I need my Children to see me as a strong, independent woman capable of feats that others would shy away from.
…And my Friends who have offered help…
…Wow…
…From Kat offering to clean my bathrooms…that is a serious sacrifice…That girl HATES cleaning;). My bathrooms are clean though so no worries there. She did clean a few of my dishes, pots to be exact, that I was unable to do with one arm.
…F16, who’s Spouse is deployed and she’s taking care of her 3 Children by herself…
…F9…anything last minute I know she will drop everything...
…All my F’s have offered up their respective services!
…F1 I think is planning a party around my surgery;)
…F15 is driving me and her husband, My Brother From Another Mother, is picking me up…

As much as I love their help, I will only take what I absolutely need.
I need them to see me the same way as my Children need to see me…Strong, independent and capable of feats that others shy away from…
…Because that is what makes Me, Myself and I, Kristin, The Un-Holy Trinity.

I didn’t ask for this and some might be wondering if it’s some karma kicking me in my ass.
No, all my bad karma has already played through…
I believe this yet another test by the Gods so I can prove myself to Me (ME, not You) that I can take on what ever is thrown at me with grace, humor and with an attitude that…I will not accept defeat.

It’s just a little broken arm after all;) If I can’t handle this I’m screwed!

FaceBooks New Crappy News Feed

I woke up this morning at 5:30am and turned on my MacBook…1st things first…FaceBook.

You can now FaceBook while you FaceBook…the top right hand corner is your immediate news feed…The big shit in the middle is the crap that some Asshole that should be fired has determined presumed via 1’s and 0’s (programing) what is YOUR ‘Top Stories’.

By the looks of things people like this shit just as much as they liked the ‘new coke’…They don’t make 'new coke’ anymore.

Note…I usually roll with FB changes just fine but not this one. Yes, I realize that FB is free but they ARE making money as we waste our day hanging out with each other…
I loath this change.

Some of you may not have noticed the security issues with the new top right, lets call it “The Rolling News Feed”…
Scroll your cursor over something that a friend of yours has commented on…it has to be someone that is not a friend of yours as well, a stranger…or as in my case someone that de-friended me.
Depending on their Account Settings you might be able to comment on some strangers post or picture or what have you…
Everyone
Friends of Friends
Just Friends
…and my favorite…
Custom

Nobody can even see what I comment on…all that shit is automatically deleted as I don’t think you need to know that I commented…
…”You are a dumb ass!”
…"Mmmmmmm…tasty”...and it’s a picture of a half naked Man, or maybe something you just threw on the grill.
…"You’ve been posting that you haven’t feel well lately, a lot really, ya know for the past year…I think you should go to the Doctor now.”
…"Bheeaaatttchhhh is in de hoouuuuusssssssssssssee.”
…”Congratulations"

So please spread the word and fix your mother fuckin’ Account setting as I am being tempted to comment on STRANGERS posts...

…"just took a dump”…Me...”Was it runny and messy or hard…and if it was hard did it hurt when it came out or did you like the way it felt?"
…”Had a crappy day at work” …Myself…"be happy you have a fucking job.”
…”It’s ladies night and we are gonna party like rock stars!…I…”no you are not because I will not be there and nobody knows how to party like a CSRM!”

This is what I would post on someone’s pic that had de-friended me…a family pic…
…Me…”Wow, you’ve been really liking the borrito’s lately…packin’ on the L.B.s…not lookin’ so good lately…you should put the Borrito’s Doooowwwwwnnn and get a slimfast.”
…Me…”Hmmm, so you are puttin’ It in That now hmmmm…better than with a blowup doll I’m sure…"

How do you fix this problem you ask me?
…ok it’s ME with the problem but I don’t want to see all this shit and be tempted to piss even more people off than I already do…

The arrow at the very top right…
click it
go to Account settings
make sure its just ‘Friends' and not ‘Friends of Friends’…

Now with that done go to your own page…
See where it is says you commented on some boring ass very important post of one of the many people that have de-friended me…or a stranger…whatev…
Scroll your cursor to the right till you see delete post…
It will NOT delete the comment you made on someone’s boring ass very important post but just delete it from your page…it will also give you the option of having them automatically deleted I did it so long ago I don’t remember the exact wording…sorry…

Oh one more thing…
I didn’t repost that status up date…
...”99% of you will not repost this but I know who will no you don’t . If you are against cancer NOBODY IS FOR CANCER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! knows somebody who has fought and won…Blah blah blah”
I got one for you to copy and paste…and I dare you…no double dog dare you to repost…

99% of you will not share this post. I know who will though (You really have no clue you just, copied and pasted this from some psycho chick, The Un-Holy Trinity, with a multiple personality disorder. I only know this because Me, Myself and I typed all this out…all three of us!) Please copy and paste and get the word out that The Un-Holy Trinity is going to start commenting on random strangers and people that have de friended her Posts if they don’t fix their Account settings! Let’s keep this going!

Real Housewives Of NYC…I’m Sad To Hear Some Aren’t Returning

The news is out and the tears are flowing from under my glasses.
I can’t decide if it’s ‘cause I’m laughing so hard or I’ll miss some fabulously fucked up people.

NOT RETURNING are...

Jill  Zarin…
…A prima donna who can’t keep her mouth shut and thinks herself a designer...

Alex MacCord…
…Married to Simon Van Kempen (He’s really Gay, have you seen his clothes!). Alex thinks her MoFo’s are better than white sliced bread...they aren’t and...Alex, you wrote that book on parenting, well you need to read your own book (preview here for my Countessssss rage) just like the Countesssssss needs to read her own book. Oh, one more thing…you should hire a stylist…and stop letting your Gay Husband pick your clothes…NEWSFLASH…He’s not creative and all Gay men don’t have chi-chi (a sense of style) and the shit he makes you wear and the shit he wears himself hurts my eyes…and it’s hard to watch this trainwreck when I have to shield them!!!

This is the crackhead Kelly

Kelly Bensimon…
…The one I’ll miss the most I must admit. I don’t know if she’s high all the time or if maybe she SHOULD be! She’s an idiot and gives models a bad name…they are not all this stupid and dramatic.

and...

Cindy Barshop…
…She’s boring. She needed to get the ax.

So...Jill, Alex, Kelly and Cindy will not be returning have gotten sacked for the next season of The Real totally not real but still entertaining Housewives I’m calling a fowl here as 4 out of 7 of the trainwrecks are not even married Of New York City.

WILL BE RETURNING are...

Sonja Morgan…
…For some reason she thinks she’s a sex kitten but she’s to old to be a kitten and I won’t call her a Cougar ‘cause that is one of MY titles, my Panera Bread card says so.

This is the sexual intellectual LuAnn 

Ramona Singer…
…Crazy eyed bitch who wakes up with a glass of Pinot Grigio and you best have some available for her or she will get all crazy bitchy on your ass…Right Cindy The Boring Barshop?!

LuAnn "The Countessssss" de Lesseps…
…The Sexual Intellectual (another one of my monikers but this fits better than spanks on under another pair of spanks) aka FUCKING KNOW IT ALL!
I’m gonna go off now on the fake Countessssss, get ready…
…Who the fuck does she think she is?! She wrote a book on manners but never read it. Guess what you prissy bitch…I went to a finishing school and one of the things I took away was that when you use good manners it’s supposed to make people more comfortable around you…not uncomfortable. So stop with all your “manners” bullshit, read the book you wrote and stop lecturing people about how they are not allowed to ask someone if their boobs are fake…’cause Ramona should have just reached out and grabbed one of Kelly’s boobs and found out herself!
…also your poor Frenchified boyfriend Jacques is clueless because you lose your title Countessssss if you re-marry…we all know you wouldn’t give up that nom de plume as you think it makes you better than everyone else. It doesn’t. It probably makes you even more of a fucking bitch than you were without it.

So…Sonja, Ramona and that stupid bitch the Countessssss…will be returning.
…and I WILL be watching.

Rejection

When you are someone like me rejection is a norm and I’m very used to it. I’m actually an expert these days.
Sometimes I hear that my writing style is not up to par. Or that they have chosen someone else…in the back of my mind I question myself…
...am I good enough?
…do I have talent?
…can I write?
…do I suck ass?...and not in a good ass sucking kinda way…

I got my ‘official’ rejection letter e-mail yesterday from The Gazette.

I understand that I’m ‘out there’ with my views and voice…as I feel I SHOULD be! I also know that it can work against me.
I’ve been to casting calls and submitted my work to various sites…how many do I have to try for before someone says…
…”Kristin, The Un-Holy Trinity, WE WANT YOU!"

I’m trying out for something different right now…TVgasm…
http://www.tvgasm.com/
…to be a writer for them.

Am I scared of rejection? Nope.
I may not be a comedian or a professional writer…
…but I know I’m good at what Me , Myself and I do…
We, The Un-Holy Trinity that is Kristin, write about what ever we want…seriously, comedically and educationally…(my opinions are me educating you about your stupid opinions/views).

I have made it to Round 2 in TVgasm’s quest to find new/more writers.
I just submitted my newest TrainWreck for entry into Round 3…
…I wait in anticipation to hear from Flipit that I have made it to the next level.

I never expect a rejection.

Know how I do it and always keep a positive outlook?
I KNOW I’ll make it one day.
Slowly but surely World Domination will be mine.

It’s easy when you have an ego that’s bigger, better looking, funnier and smarter than the average run of the mill loser!

Simple fashizzle and never ever get your panties in a wad!

The Mean Girl

At therapy on Friday (CSRM drinkin’ time)…
…”The mean girl ALWAYS has friends.”
Me…”Yeah, look at me!”

I was joking…
…but…
There are a lot of people on this planet that might think I AM The Mean Girl.
I’m not quiet and speak my mind.
I’m not trying to hurt your feelings...but help you…
…you need my help…
…’cause not many people will be honest with you…
They will talk about you and complain about you in the worst way…
…Behind your back.
When I say something to someone…
…It’s what everyone’s thinking and talking about.
I just have the vagina the balls to say it to your face…hopefully in a kind(ish) way wrapped in humor.

My friends and I always joke say we will talk smack about you if you arrive late, leave early or just can’t fucking make it.
…We actually do it though…we are not just all talk.
I can only imagine what is said about me.
Do you know how much ammo they have to use against me?

There is one rule in Smack Talk…
Don’t dish it if you can’t take it!

Note…I can take a lot!

9/11 My P.O.V.

Everyone has a 9/11 story…
This is mine and it’s a different Point Of View than many people…
…Because I’m not just proud to be an American…
I’m a Child of this planet.

I was in Southern Spain, Arcos De La Frontera to be exact.
We, my Ex and I, had spent the morning traversing around town as I took pictures and then we headed in for a siesta. We had no T.V. or radio and were completely disconnected from the world.
Later that evening we headed out for something to eat and found ourselves in a Tapas bar.
There the T.V. was on.
…we sat in horrified amazement and silence with the locals as we watched the replay of the days events.
We headed back to our Hotel and talked about the Pentagon…how many people we knew there….We were confident we wouldn’t know anyone in the Twin Towers.
…But ALL those people?!

Like most people we know where we were on 9/11 and it changed all of us.

It was the aftermath though…

When we got home the Gate Guards at Langley that knew me inspected my bags as I stood outside of my car, there was a noticeable change in everyones attitude…

...Noticeably the everyday run of the mill American.

Strangers were in the Military…
Only 1 percent of the citizens of the U.S. Serve in the Military.
Only 5 percent actually know someone that Serves now.

Now it was someone’s Father/Mother/Son/Daughter/Sister/Brother…
…No longer Strangers.

Terrorists and War had/have been playing a part in my life since I was a Child, but they had never hit my Home Country.
Through my eyes, and many others that are/were involved with the Military, the U.S. had been in harms way for years. We had already lost Friends, not Strangers, to Terrorists.

I said above War had always been a part of my life…
Growing up in the Middle East men with machine guns camped out on top of our building as we Children would roller skate around the Compound where we lived…
…We weren’t allowed to play War.
…Because of what ever it is that my Dad did for a living, insert here various stories, languages and such…
…When our Armed Forces went into Kuwait my Dad called that day…
…”Don’t worry, everything is cool.”
He had been gone for months already.
…One year he had to travel back to my Birth place, Roberts Field, Liberia for ‘work'. The house we had lived in destroyed by Mortar Shells…everyone that worked for my family…either dead or gone.

Then in 1996 I married the Military.

When those planes crashed, into the Ground, The Pentagon and The Towers we Americans changed.
We became like the rest of the World…
…Vulnerable…
And for a bit every year on this day, September 11, we actually stand together...

Osama Bin Laden was told that We would not stop and We would find him. Then this year some of the Baddest Mother Fuckers in the World did just that.
We have a long way to go still and honestly I believe it’s war where there will be no winners…
…But it’s one we must fight.

…War…
What good can come out of it?
Without War, we would not be Americans.
The United States Of America, the home of the Brave, would be but a member of the British Empire.

If we lay our Arms down and stop our vigilant stance we WILL be attacked again.
The Terrorists continually plan on disrupting our peaceful (ish) lives.
…And while you are busy living your everyday life...
That 1% of our Society protects us, leaving their families at home and sacrifice their lives…
They HAVE stopped Terrorist attacks…
…and they are systematically killing off the leaders of these terrorist groups and most of you don’t even know the headway we have made…

I sound a bit like a Hawk, but those people, the Doves that are Anti-War, are looking at the World through Rose Coloured Glasses.

…Most Americans didn’t grow up like me or have even had minuscule amounts of the life experiences I have had. 

I wish my Children could live in a World free of War…but as long as Humans walk we will never not know conflict.
There will always be someone out there that wants to take something from someone else, convert someone to another Religion or just wants power over people.

…And some people will just stand by and let it happen…
While The Free and The Brave fight back.

Dear Kathie Lee Gifford

Dear Kathie Lee Gifford,

Back when the earth was still cooling off and you were on that show with Regis the Man who I am sure would probably Molest any Woman that gave him a chance Philbin, I didn’t really like you.

Granted I didn’t watch that show often probably because I had a life, not really, I would have rather watched the paint on my finger nails dry…
...all you did was talk about Cody.
Cody, by the way you talked about him, I thought was the second coming of Christ.
I know you have a daughter…I have no recollection of her name though ‘cause all you did was babble about Cody.

Note…I could google your daughters name but can’t be bothered.

Time moved on and you got that gig on The Today show. You know, when NBC decided it would be cheaper to make the Today Show go on foreeeeeeeever than spend $$$ on another stupid Sit Com or Game Show, that only fat housewives that eat bonbons all day as their asses get bigger sitting on their couches people that can only read at a third grade level would watch.

Hell, the set is already there right?

Well, I judged you.
When I blew out my knee I all the sudden I had more time to sit on my ass on my sofa as my ass got bigger…I skipped the bonbons though.

Once in awhile I watch that last hour as you and Hoda parlay about your lives and other drivel stuff.
I admit, I have never seen the whole thing because I noticed my ass getting bigger and I can’t have that.

As I was saying…I judged you. I thought you were a prude whos idea of fun was telling the world about the second coming of Christ talking about Cody.
I have since learned though that you actually have THE COOLEST job.
You are a total lush.
I actually respect your Winesdays and such…anyone that can have a drink, on camera, before 11am is cool in my book.
You can Smack Talk(ish) too and you are not afraid to talk about S.E.X…one of my absolute favorite subjects!

This is me, The Un-Holy Trinity that is Me, Myself and I, Kristin…
…Apologizing to you…
In my special way.

Much love and success,
Kristin