A Private Cooking Lesson

I have a friend. She’s 27, 3 children. Her husband is in the Army and is deployed for a year. Her husband usually cooks. She doesn’t know how to cook and asked me to teach her. I love helping people.
I asked her what she wanted to learn.
Her…”I don’t know anything.”
Me…”Ok, we’ll start off really simple, Italian: meatballs and tomato meat sauce and a cream sauce.”
I send her a list of ingredients. 3 lbs of ground beef, 2 lg cans crushed tomatoes, 2 cans of diced tomatoes, Cream, onions, basil (fresh and dried), oregano, garlic, mushrooms, spinach, dry red wine….
She sends me a text…’REAL red wine?’

I’m getting ready to head over to her place. I get in my cool MiniVan and get out and come back inside. I get my knife. Using other peoples knives bothers me. They’re either not sharp or have those tiny little serrated edges. There are two things to use a serrated knife for, bread and tomatoes.


I get there and look around her pantry and see what she has…getting a lay of the land as they say.
It was a barren desert.

We start with the onion. I ask her to hold the knife for me. She holds it like most people. I fix it for her and show her how to do it properly. She chops stuff up and we get our ‘mis en place’
Me…"That’s french for getting your $hit together before you cook."

Meatballs
3/4 of the ground beef.
A couple slices of bread I have soaked in water and squeezed out the excess.
Me…”My Polish Grandmother’s best friend was Italian and taught her how to cook Italian food. When I was a little girl she would sit me down and say, ‘watch’. Just me, not my siblings. I didn’t know why.”
The bread keeps the meat moist and also makes it go farther when you don’t have a lot of $.
Dried basil
Garlic 
Onion
An Egg
Salt and Pepper
She mixes it all up and makes her little meatballs and places them on a plate.
Me…”You ready for this cool trick?”
I put them in the microwave.
Her…”NO WAY!…That’s awesome.” She has a great accent. She’s from Wisconsin.
Me…”I know right? My friend who is an archeologist taught me this trick.” (Side note- My archeologist’s friend is married to an Active Duty Member, he’s gone for a year. This is my shout out to you my dear friend!)
Me…”So how are things going?”
Her…”The kids are having a hard time.”
Me…”I’m sorry.”
Her…”I remember the first time he was gone. I think I was drunk for the first 3 months. He was always out there and I knew how dangerous it was.”
Me…”I get that, I have some ‘spirit filled’ friends, and I’m not talking about Jesus!”
Me…”I had a friend who’s husband was deployed, she said, 'I would really just like a drink, but I don’t want to drink alone.’ I replied with, ‘You’re not alone, you have your daughter in the house don’t you.’
I’m not saying I give great advise, but hey, this is just the way I roll.

Tomato Meat Sauce
1lb ground beef browned and drained.
Onions, Saute in olive oil.
Garlic
Mushrooms
Add the cooked beef.
The cans of crushed tomatoes and diced.
1/4 C red wine.
Basil
Oregano
Sugar
Onion powder
Garlic powder
Salt and pepper
I tried to make it as simple and as easy as I could. I don’t measure but I tried. Adjusting the spices as it cooked.

Me…”Isn’t it better than Ragu.”
Her…”Yeah, way better.”
Me…”and cheaper too.”
We start talking about processed foods.
That already grated cheese you buy in the bag…do you know what they use so it doesn’t stick together?
Woodchips….or pulp, what ever you want to call it. I might be making that up, but I don’t think I am.

Cream Sauce
Onions
Garlic
Sausage I found in her Fridge. Brats actually.
Mushrooms 
Spinach
Saute it up in Olive Oil.
Add a splash of red wine and cream
Salt, Pepper 
Fresh Basil
"Easy Peasy Lemon Squeezy!”

I ask her if she has a food processor.
Her…”What’s a food processor?”
She has a fry Daddy.
Her…”It’s awesome, you can fry two different things at the same time."


I’m not making fun of her. She knows I’m writing this. She’s gracious, funny and beautiful in-side and out.
When my parents were first married they were living in the Bahamas. My Mother did not know how to cook. She made a pizza and put ketchup on it. She didn’t know any better. My mother made sure I would know how to cook.
I will help you if you need it.