One Man and his advice for me...

As a divorced woman in her late, late, very late 30’s, with three little people to take care of, dating is something that confounds me. Not the actual date mind you, I know how to deal with people, talk to them…aka...listen and ask questions, engage! I’ve got that down (I think). But getting a date is nearly impossible for me. When I’m around men they act like the very hungary alligator IGNORING the wounded puppy on the banks of the bayou. I’m not  wounded and I’m certainly no puppy. I have more ‘big cat’ like tendencies, but the analogy made me laugh.

After my divorce was final I tried on-line dating. It’s 2010, not 1995 I tell myself, Agghhhhhh, so much work and so many creeps to ignore. I meet 2 men. One is now a friend, the other I went on four dates with. The Other, who made four dates with me, is an Atheist Vegetarian, yes, me the 'Funny Wiccan who Loves Chick Fil A’. He’s such a nice guy, attractive and very smart, but he believes in nothing and doesn’t eat meat. I like meat and spirituality is very important to me. I don’t care what you believe, just BELIEVE and have faith that we are not alone. It didn’t work out with him, there was something else missing as well I’m sure of it. That was in February.
In June…yes…June…a man I had been friends with for awhile was finally single. I put it all out there and I ask him out. He says yes. We go out and have a great time. My idea of a great time on this night was Smash Burger and Bowling. He moved to Las Vegas, I haven’t heard from him since.
I met a guy at a race. We casually saw each other twice. Done. As casually as it started it ended. No heart break, no issues, it’s cool with me. Oh...he was 27. (That fact might explain a lot.)

This is a little weird for me to blog about but I find it comical.

Once in a while (maybe every quarter, maybe a little more;) on a Friday or Saturday night my girl-friends and I go out downtown. This is not a regular event, though some of my FB friends may think differently because my pictures make it look like I am a party animal.
This is a message to men out there. When a woman goes out to a club, we go to dance, not get laid.
When out the men that approach me are usually 22, yes, 22. My friends think it’s funny. They are attractive 22 year olds mind you, but come on!

So now to the title of this blog.
One Man and his advice for me….
I have a guy friend (I have LOTs of guy FRIENDS) I am gonna call him Joe, as in Joe six pack. This guy his HOT. When I say a guy is HOT I mean it. I’m talking Calvin Klein model Hot. His six pack is not a six pack of beer.
We are having lunch at Chipotle. I am wearing a red ‘Supergirl’ t-shirt, jeans that are rolled up and gunmetal silver boots that have 6 inch heels. I look good. Well, I think I do.
I ask him what I should do differently so maybe a guy will ask me out.
Joe…”Kristin, you have ‘Fuck You’ written on your face when you walk into a room.” (Yes, that’s a quote.)
Me…”No I don’t, that’s just me owning the room.”
Joe…”Sorry, it’s true.”
Me…”Really?!”
Joe…”Yes”
Me…”Shit!”
Joe…”Let’s say I go to a club and I see you. I think to myself, ‘Wow, she looks like work.’ I’m gonna try for the average looking woman that’s gonna be easy.”
Joe…”Lose the skull rings.”
Me…”Really?!”
Joe…”You colour your hair so often and all those highlights!"
I said 'Really?!’ often. He was puncturing my lovely bubble quickly with his sharp needle disguised as words. I was deflating quickly.
Joe…’Try wearing your old wedding band out. When a guy sees a woman like you with no ring he thinks something is wrong with her.”
Me…”Nah…that’s not my style.”
me…”and there is nothing wrong with me. I’m just really fabulous."
….AND…why on earth would I want to meet a man that wanted to meet a married woman.
I’m not perfect but I’m trying with all my might to do the right thing.
Me…”I’m sorry but I gotta be me. I have to dress like me and BE ME, skull rings and all.”
Joe…”Ok, but I’m just sayin’.”
This is only a portion of our conversation…
We ate our lunch.

I dress well. I will continue to do so. I will wear my skull rings when I want. I will not wear my wedding band out.

When I got divorced it wasn’t to be with someone else. On the majority of the weekend nights I find myself alone, this realization hits home.
A woman is worth the effort. Some of us may come off as just an attractive ‘book cover’. We have a story 'behind the cover' filled with many chapters, some funny some serious.