Monday, December 17, 2012

Nature vs Nurture 2…?

This morning I was reading people’s FB status, reading (not watching) the news and getting my own 3 Children ready for school.

Nature vs Nurture is something that is a common thought in my brain.
Did soandso do that because of something they saw me do?!

Being the Mother of adopted Children is not always easy. That being said being a parent is not always easy…adopted or not.
I have only met one biological parent of one of my Children. I know next to nothing about the other 5 biological parents of my Children.
I always wonder if the fraction 50/50 is plausible with Nature vs Nurture.
Physical attributes of course aside. 
I think my Children excel in Math because of Nature. 
I think how my Children handle issues through out their day is because of Nurture... 

Like almost every parent in the USA I’ve discussed what happened in Connecticut with my Children…in a reasonable, calm manner.
Reasonable and calm is not what goes through my brain or my heart.

How do we prepare our Children for the world we live? I’d have added ‘now’ at the end of that sentence but our world is no better or worse than it was 3 weeks, 3 months, 3 years, 30 years or 300 years ago.
Our connections with one another are different now with social websites, video games and such…
We are inundated with violence and sexual references’ at every turn.
It’s how we handle these issues and topics with our Children...
Our job as parents is to educate our Children to understand this world we live in and keep them Children as long as we can.
Our job is to sit at the dinner table as often as possible and connect face to face as we discuss what’s going on in their world.
Our job is to keep our Children as safe as possible.
Our job is calm education so as not to add stress to our Children’s lives…they will have enough experience with that as they get older.
Our job is not to freak out.

Here is what we can not do…
We can not hid our Children from the world.
Bad things happen, very bad things, all the time.
Bad things happen behind closed doors and out in the open.

Some Children have to deal with abusive parents or bullies at school. Some people are raising those bullies and will grow up to be bad people. That is their normal.
Some people have mental imbalances that create havoc in their lives and their loved ones.

You can only do for your Children the best you can.
Being calm and reasonable will help them.

I wrote this blog this morning…It didn’t take long to put my thoughts together but I thought and thought after it was written thinking how irrelevant I am.
It makes no difference what I say.
I can not fix the world and change the views of people that are not logical or unreasonable.
I can not stop the man the beats the woman up behind closed doors as their Child looks on.

…and then I thought some more…
I/We/You can be a good example to my/our Children.
That IS something we can do.
I/We/You are not irrelevant.
I wrote the above blog on Dec. 12th…it is also not irrelevant.

Wednesday, December 12, 2012

I am not nagging you

“We leave in 20 minutes.”
“Did I sign your planner?”
“Is your homework in your backpack?”
“Brush your teeth.”
“Did you put your snack in your backpack?”
“We leave in 10 minutes.”
“Put your shoes and socks on.” -not in that order.
“I’m getting in the car!”
“Do you have a coat or a hoodie?”

Them…”Stop nagging!”
Me…”I’m not nagging. I am your mother and my job is to kiss your faces, give you hugs and make sure you have the tools to have a successful day.”

Last night as we sat around the dinner table discussing our day I made my BrownNut cry…because I gave her some advice and some harsh truths about the world. (She is 11.)

She had told me that her friends are, “the popular kids…” and had played, at least 4 times with one Child that doesn’t have any friends…
Me…”Ok…I’m gonna say somethings and you won’t really understand yet but it’s my job as your Mother.”
“If your friend is nice to you but rude to the waiter they are not a nice person.”
“If you hang out with rude people others will assume you are as well.”
That last one is the hardest to understand at a young age. I try to instill a ‘don’t judge the book by it’s cover’ kinda thing.
The real world though is different. We are judged by the company we choose.
She cried because she came to the conclusion that people aren’t nice…I then explained that many people aren’t but some are.

Being a parent is not easy. It’s the hardest most rewarding job in the world.

Later that evening…
Me…”My job is to help you become more awesome than I am when you reach my age. Good luck with that…” …And we all laughed.

Thank you Mom and Dad for teaching me how to be a parent (not always winning the Mom of the year award though). Your value system and the constant repetition of things I hated to hear were the right things to say to me.
How to properly pronounce ‘nuclear’.
That all people are equal.
Don’t be a mooch (on society).
Not to end sentences in prepositions.
Your actions and choices are yours alone.
Don’t play the blame game.