My Daughter, BrownNut, was sent home with a letter the other day from school.
“Dear Parents,
There was an incident yesterday with a child in fourth grade. Students may have heard some real inappropriate words and some were upset and scared by this.
We want to asure you that all the necessary steps are being taken to ensure the safety of all the children. Adults have been available to talk to the children and the parents who are directly involved have all been contacted. They are taking the appropriate action with their children. Consequences are in place.
We are unable to discuss specific detail with you, but please be rest assured that all precautions are being taken. If you have not been contacted directly, your child is not involved in the incedent. Fell free to contact us with any additional concerns.”
I asked my Daughter if she knew about the ‘incident’ and she told me about a fight she had seen the day before.
There had been a story in the news about a Child, a 4th grade Boy, that had written a “hit list”(?). The Child had been removed from school and all the Parents of all the Children involved were told about said incident.
I’m assuming here but obviously this letter is the generic-ish form and has nothing to do with a fight she described to me as the letter coincides with the news story that was on that night during a news segment.
I have to go on hearsay as my Child was not involved.
I’ve heard that the Child involved was being bullied by these other students. Do I know if it’s true? No. Does it open another avenue of discussion with my Children. 'Yes', does not even cover it.
Here we are as parents, most of us doing the best we can to raise good human beings…
We send them off to school 5 days a week for 7 or 8 hours.
We can not control everything they see or do.
My Daughter said to me…”Mom, you can’t protect me from everything, not even death (or swearing).”
She has a valid point.
I/We can however give knowledge of real world events that can guide Her/Them, to make good choices.
I/We can take little moments as learning lessons…
Who do we blame for an incident like this?
Is it the bullies we blame?
Is it the Child that wrote the list and threatened said bullies to blame?
Is it the parents of the bullies?
Is it the parents of the child that was bullied to blame?
Is the school to blame?
Not everyone on the list is to blame totally. Almost everyone though should take some part of the blame.
Are you raising a bully?
How do you treat your spouse? Is it with respect or is your child pulling a 'Monkey see Monkey do’? Your actions behind closed doors when you have Children open a window for us to see in.
I see some couples whose marriages are fraught with actions of disrespect as one treats another as a door matt. It’s sad. I then see the Children treat other Children the way the abuser does to the abused.
You think it’s submissive…it’s abusive.
Do you as a parent not encourage your Child to open up to you? (Not on purpose.)
I think it’s the first 5 years of a Childs life they are molded into who they will be. If you open and Keep open a trustworthy line of communication You and your Child will have a better chance at understanding and knowing what’s going on in their life.
Everyday I have my Children, and I know their Father does the same thing, talk about…
“Good Parts, Bad Parts.”
They tell me about their day, the worst part, the best part and the in-between.
Most of the time it’s done at the ‘old fashioned dinner table’. Once in awhile our evenings are so busy I have to do it as they lie in bed. It get’s done though, not as a chore, but because I/We care what is going on in their lives and have set a ground for which they can blossom and grow.
I/We have 10 year old Girl and 7 and 8 year old Boy’s.
They are young and malleable still. They still look up to Me/Us and not just ‘cause I’m taller.
They talk to me because they know they can.
They say to me…
…”Mom, can we talk privately in your room?”
It’s usually never earth shattering in the big scheme of things but that doesn’t mean it’s not to them.
They are SOOoooo young I hope and pray I’m doing it right now so I don’t have to ‘right’ it later.
Should the school have noticed something sooner?
If anyone wants to blame the school I would stand in front of the Administration and the Teachers to defend them. They did what they could and handled the situation (in this case) plausibly.
Yes, the students spend a majority of their day there, I know this, but a Teacher has how many students? Are they supposed to know all the subtle nuances of EACH Child?! Be realistic. They are not a Childcare, they are there to TEACH…NOT PARENT.
Did you notice I didn’t put it on the Child?
IT IS THE CHILDREN’S FAULT!…EVERY LAST ONE OF THEM.
…BUT WE HAVE TO LOOK IN THE MIRROR AS PARENT’S!
Parenting is some sketchy stuff. 50% nature, 50% nurture.
As the Mother of Children that were adopted I know this so far to be true.
We have to be a better Parent.
If you are married you have to be the better Spouse. If you are not married you have to make friends with your Ex so the Children can see two people get along that didn’t once.
Whose fault is this debacle? It’s the Parent’s, every last one of us.
