My day today…well, part of it;)

I text my friends. It’s Thursday after all and we normally get together once a week for lunch. I thought it was a good day for a little DSW as well, seeing as we had a special ‘text coupon’ and we all had DSW bucks.

F1 texts me…’I’m wearing the black super girl shirt and biker boots.’
We have to tell each other what we are wearing now because several times we have shown up at some random event wearing almost the same exact thing! We spend so much time together our cycles are in sync.

I pick them up and see that we are ALL wearing some kind of black shirt, jeans and black boots. Different but the same. We walk around like to three Stooges, with less hitting.

We get to DSW and start working the aisles.
F2…”I really like your ‘to the knee’ brown boots.”
Me…”Really?!…Oh, I don’t care try them on. I love them too.”
I leave her and look for other boots for her to try on that are NOT exactly like MINE!
None satisfy her. I love my brown boots so I totally understand and I surrender.
I go check out what F1 is doing and there much to my dismay she is trying on MY(I already own them, they live under my bed with the other 14+ pairs of boots I own) silver, midcalf high boots with a delicious 6 inch heel. The same ones I wore when I met Joe Six pack at Chipoltle…they are HOT! She already has the purse to match and can’t borrow mine. I am a 1/2 size smaller then her…in shoes.
Me…”You should get them."

The lady working there says to me... “Those___ would look great on you.” 

Me…”Of course they would they would, they would be on me.” I’m kiddin'.

I go over and look at them and they’re kinda cute. Living in Colorado we have opportunities to wear furry boots, but these also had a set of hanging balls…

Me…”I don’t know...they have a set of balls. I like to keep my balls in my pants.”

She looked at me and kept looking at me, turned away and started to laugh as I laughed uncontrolably.

F1...”Those are pretty tight jeans, where do you keep them.”

Me…”I tuck them under.”

DSW worker…”OMG that’s funny.”

I decide against the boots.

I head over to the the ‘high heeled’ area. I don’t really NEED another pair of boots. Hell, I don’t NEED another pair of shoes!
I like to compare my shoes to my lovers. They stay in my closet, quite and very HOT. I take them out when I want one.
 (I just said that and meant it.)

I had been eyeing a pair of shoes for awhile, waiting for them to go on sale. I get there and "BAM!”, they are 40% off…WaHoooo! They weren’t very expensive to start with and I have my DSW bucks! I put them on and walk all over the store making sure they are comfortable.
$13.43 later I am the owner of my new beauties;)

We head to lunch…we just bought shoes and don’t want to spend a lot of money and I LOVE ‘the Man Buffet’ aka Chipotle. I know Joe six pack is working so he won’t be assaulting me with his not so carefully formed words today.
I always get the same thing. Barbacoa, 1 mild, 1 med. 2 spicy salsas and double guac. Then I add hot sauce.
We chat…and head to TJMaxx. I’m a fan of TJMaxx and the clearance items. I really like a sale.



Have you noticed that MOST of the women that shop there are very put together?
I do. I like to tell them how nice they look.
Except this woman——>
She doesn’t know I took the picture. I think I should have told her she could hire me as her stylist. I don’t care what size you are I will love you no-matter what. I have some friends that could care less what they wear.  I love them. This woman is actually trying though, and failing.

We look at Coats…I don’t need another coat. We look anyway.


<—$499.99…We are at TJMaxx because we DON’T want to spend a lot of money…holy shit!

Then we see this sweet number——>
I can see myself falling in some fresh powder while wearing that. It would look like a box of fruity pebbles had barfed in the snow.


F1 has to pee.
Me…”She’s taking forever….is she losing weight in there?”
F2…”I don’t know, hahahhaha.”
We are all the same size. We all have some form of body dysmorphic disorder. She was REALLY just peeing but we just like to joke about it.
As we head out and are walking through the parking lot…
I tell her what I said.
F1…”Yeah, I’m a skinnier size 0 now!”
Me…”When I put my size 0’s on I feel fat.”

We get in my cool MiniVan.
F1…”Yeah, I had anal fissures once.”
Me…”Is that a kind of toy?"