All the F’s had big plans for F19, who was also celebrating this milestone, and I.
They were trying to surprise us…The secret got out but F19 and I did our best to pretend we didn’t know what was going on.
We were gonna head to the
But first…
Friday morning I was greeted with my monthly friend as expected(ish)…I was bloated and looked like I was about 4 months pregnant.
Note…I’m skiping some events to get to the bloody funny bits.
Later in the afternoon Kat is over as I’m trying to paint my toes and finger nails…
Kat…”I bought that new crackle stuff. Wanna try it?”
Me…”Sure!”
My toes were already painted pink and my fingernails a nice nude colour. I try the crackle, in purple, and it looks like shit! My toe nails looked like a three year old had painted them, although a three year old would have probably done a better job! So, with my right hand I remove it with polish remover…and in doing so remove the nude polish from my right hand. Mean while my left hand looks great and the rest of me well…
Then I get a call from my old singing partner and partner in crime…
…”Can you drop my phone off for me?”
He had forgotten his phone in my MiniVan the night before.
So I head to The Broadmoor where he was playing Golf…I got home maybe an hour later…no time left to fix my toes or nails…
…I decided I didn’t care if I only had one hand with painted nails…and that I would have to pick closed toe shoes or boots...
I now have to find something to wear…and this bloating is causing a serious issue...
Note…Yes, I’m skinny but when a skinny girl is having a fat day…it’s very noticeable!
I started trying almost everything in my closet on hoping to find something that would hide this small mound that is intruding on my hotness protruding from my normally tiny belly.
Then Kat comes over…again….
She is lounging on my bed as I dress and undress (I was wearing panties…my period panties. I didn’t want to make her feel uncomfortable;). I was looking for something to camouflage my
Me…”If everyone could just look at me straight on it would be fine…”
Kat…”So, when are you due?”
Me…”Ha! Thank God for decent bone structure maybe that will beguile anyone from noticing I’m 4 months along.”
Finally I find a gem that makes things not so noticable…plus I thought…
…short shorts (my legs are lookin’ good), fishnets(ish) and 5inch patented leather knee high boots…all that would be distracting as well.
I pack my bag for our trip to the
Yada, yada, yada...
After our trip to the spa we head downtown to our Club, another night at the Roxberry...
I slip while dancing and fall…
…my left arm starts swelling in a preternatural way…
The F’s…”I think we need to go to the ER.”
Me…”I’m fine.”
Note…I never think something is wrong with me. I’m the opposite of a hypochondriac.
To the ER we go though…
F1, F2, F9, SF, Kat and F15…
I didn’t have to wait to long to be seen.
F1 came back with me and the others napped and
While F1 and I waited for a room to open up, my one handed self, in great pain, needed to change my tampon…
This is how you know you have good friends because I would bet $ that any of my other friends that were in the waiting area would have done the same…
The most fabulous Friend that is named F1 unbuttoned my shorts for me then un-wrapped my tampon and…
…handed it to me.
I told her I could do it;)
Then when I was done she helped me re-dress myself.
Meanwhile the other F’s were getting hungry and decided to go on a ‘road trip’ to find provisions…
SF had taken in many alcoholic beverages and was inebriated.
F15, doesn’t drink and was driving ‘us’.
They hop in the F1’s MiniVan, F15 behind the wheel…
SF…”I want something cheesy…”
Kat headed them in the direction of Taco City…
F1 and I get a text…
…”you guys want anything?”
We of course did.
Yada, yada, yada…
Me to the male nurse…
…”Is the Doctor single?”
N…”yes.”
Me…”Is he cute?”
N…”He wears a towel on his head.”
Note…I laughed, I couldn’t help it. In all honesty I could careless if someone wore a ‘towel’ on their head or not…not for dating purposes…for life purposes…I grew up with girls having nose piercings and men that wore ’towels’ on their heads. I actually, although I couldn’t help but laugh, felt it a bit disrespectful….I had not however lost my sense of humor.
Blah, blah, blah…
The Doctor comes in and gives me his diagnosis and tells me not only had I broken my arm at my wrist but that I would probably need surgery…
Around 4am we were released and I was taken home. F1 and F2 came in with me and helped me undress and get my pajamas on…I also seem to remember one of them feeling me up;)
It was a memorably 40th birthday I must say.
No comments:
Post a Comment