Military Spouses deal with a great deal of stress and distress…I’m sure you can imagine.
The last minute Tdy’s, the deployments.
The thought’s that your spouse might never come back…
…not to mention being a single parent most of the time and having to deal with no ‘Honey’ to cross things off your ‘Honey do list’.
Note…One of my friends is in the Army, Air Assault. I don’t know his wife but he has been gone for 3 years out of the last 5. How would YOU handle that?
I’ll share a couple of stories that only those that have been/are Military Spouses will understand but that those in the civilian world…
I had been married for 4 months and my Ex was headed to the desert. It was June 26th, 2004, he had an over lay at Khobar Towers. I returned home and the phone was ringing off the hook. It was a very sad day. I started that deployment scared but then reality hit me in the face...now I was scared I was going to be a widow at a very young age.
...that feeling never changed from then on.
He had a dangerous job as it was on a regular day even when in the states. Night flying over rough seas, low and slow. Have you seen the movie the Perfect Storm?
The spouses of those on the Pave Hawk/CSAR can attest to the feeling of apprehension.
…3am and your bed is still empty…
When we were at Langley my Ex would be gone 2 weeks out of every month. The disruption of the coming and going…a fucked up schedule.
Note…I might be exaggerating a tiny bit but that is what it felt like.
While we were at Langley he had to deploy. He was going to Turkey for a couple of months, not a bad deployment as far as deployments went. Our daughter had been with us for more than several months…so I was a new Mom. I didn’t have a squadron and the spouses as a support group because he was on ‘Staff’.
It was the beginning of Fall. He was supposed to be back before Thanksgiving.
He would call several times a week at about the time he was to return. Each call he would have to tell me…
…”There is still no replacement. Hopefully I’ll hear some good news next week.”
Thanksgiving came and went…
It was almost Christmas time now and I sat there with our daughter…she had no idea what was going on as she was a little over one at the time.
The message was still the same…no replacement.
A couple of days before Christmas I made plane reservations for Christmas morning for my daughter and I to head to Florida so we could be with family for Christmas.
New Years came and went…
The same message…no replacement.
It turned into a 5 month deployment. That now a days is not a lot to most…Often when they would go on deployment their return date would be pushed back…but 3 months? That was a first for me.
Note…I may not have had a Squadron to help me but I had my neighbors and friends…Colleen, Jennifer, Leigh, Kara, Tricia and several others…Military Spouses that stuck together in the good and bad times.
Now on some “How too’s” as far as keeping it together…
When your Spouse is deployed you do NOT inundate them with SHIT that’s going wrong or bad. You talk to your friends.
You focus on the positive things happening…not that your child hasn’t had a full night sleep in weeks, therefore you haven’t either.
You lean on your friends.
Do NOT dismiss the power of the Sqd Spouses group. They know what you are going through.
Spouse Deployment dinners are for YOU! Take advantage of some down time.
There are a great deal of things to take advantage of…you will learn these things at deployment briefings…Go to them and learn! If you can’t make it call the CC Spouse the DO Spouse or the Key Spouse, they have the info you need.
Do NOT spread gossip about others you might not like…it gets back to those that are deployed and hurts moral…they are trying to get through each mission…and live to tell about it.
Note…About Gossip. The people that spread gossip often have no idea what they are talking about. This I know for truth. There were many days The First Shirt and I would sit in his office with the door closed discussing the Moral of the troops because of the maliciousness of the stupid and ignorant.
There is NO stigma attached to Anti Anxiety or Anti Depressants. You do not have to tell others you are on them…but know you wouldn’t be alone.
Being independent does not come naturally to some. That’s what your friends are for, to help you.
Note…F1’s Spouse just returned from a 16 month deployment…I hope there was not one day she felt she was alone.
http://behindthebookscover.blogspot.com/2010/11/im-barbie.html
http://behindthebookscover.blogspot.com/2010/11/veterans-day.html
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