How To Make Divorce Work

Last night my daughter, 9 1/2, got out of the tub and was yelling for me…
E…”MOM! I need some underwear!”
Me…”All of your clothes are clean and piled on your bed for you to put away.”
E…”It’s just hard to find underwear when your Mom and Dad are divorced!” as she stomps away.

Note…I swear those were her exact words and I outwardly cringed as I laughed on the inside. Only SHE would say something like that.

I know I’m gonna have to have a little talk with her after she cools down.

Later that evening I am sitting on her bed…with my house finally quiet as we chat.
Me…”You can’t throw the divorce on me because you can’t find under pants.”
Me…”I love you and am doing the best I can to help you be the best you can.”

Then I went on a long shpleel…

Note…is shpleel a real word? I don’t know but in my world it is.

“Your father and I get along better now than we did when we were married. A lot of your friends that have divorced parents don’t get along like your Dad and I…hell some of your friends that have parents that are still married don’t get along as well as your Dad and I.”

It’s true. He shows me more respect now than he did when we were married. We communicate better via e-mails and texts. He shares with me what’s going on with his school and work.
I’m proud of his accomplishments and where he has brought himself and I share these thoughts with our Children.

Note…I’m confident he does not bad mouth me around our Children. He most likely though does not share any of my accomplishments with them because I have so far done nothing with my life….but I will one day.

We do have our moments of frustration with each other still though.
The other day I told him I was going out of town in August and gave him the dates. I know this man well and could tell he was a little put out by this and I explained it was over a weekend.
I have only gone out of town once by myself since we separated and that was to go on a Wiccan Walk About to try and put my psychic life back in order.


We share an on-line calendar where we can enter things going on in our children’s lives and he updates this with the dates will be out of town.

Note…My Ex goes out of town often and sometimes at the last minute. I do everything I can to be there for my Children but I often feel I am at my Ex’s Beck and Call.
Kat and I were talking last night because she is worried about my ‘professional’ future. I CAN NOT get a real job. I have tried but due to my Ex’s schedule it is impossible.
Note within the note…Now with this blog I certainly won’t be able to get a traditional job.
An example: This week he had to drop off our Children on Sunday at noon and won’t be returning till Saturday sometime.
I have been blessed to have an Ex that supports me financially till he retires. But the future looms before me and it is scary.

My Children are with me on Monday’s, Tuesday’s, Wednesday’s and every other Saturday. Sometimes I have to pick them up from school for my Ex because of rescheduled meetings. Luckily I really don’t have much of a life so this is easy to do.
When this does happen our youngest, if not forewarned, gets all out of sorts.

Children thrive with a consistent schedule. Be it knowing when bed time is, bath time, when they do their homework to WHICH PARENT they are going to be with and WHEN.
Our Children have the same bedtime and routines in our respective homes.

Note…If you don’t have your own Children on a schedule I won’t judge you but you might be amazed at how they excel in all areas of their lives when on one. This works with ALL Children whether with divorced parents or not.


Letting one another know what is going on and being cognizant of one another’s feelings is also paramount to making Divorce work.
Last year my friend and my Ex’s boss invited me to his ‘Pin On’ (A Pin On is a military term where someone moves up in rank.) It was a big deal, he was pinning on Brigadier General. I had every intention of attending. My Ex asked me not to go, so I declined the invite.We share many of the same friends, some that he works with.
It had not occurred to me how awkward it must be for my Ex.

Another example of being considerate …yesterday I was planning my summer vacation with my Children and I thought I was going to have to leave on the July 2nd. My Ex and I take turns every other year for Holidays. This would be me asking if I could have them for July 4th two years in a row. He responded with…
…”If it’s the 4th that works that would be fine with me but would like a rain check as that would be two-in-a-row with you.”
It turns out I have to leave later than the 4th, but he was kind and understanding.

To show one another courtesy when in the company of your Children and friends can be difficult if things are acrimonious but do it anyway. I don’t care what your situation is…or how hurt you are. Take your fucking panties off and be a bigger person.

Having realistic expectations is also crucial. Many people out there do NOT have realistic expectations though.
With regards to financial issues some people just don’t make a great deal of money and understanding that you can not squeeze blood a turnip is paramount.

Note…Please don’t be a member of the Hater Nation and be angry at me because my Ex does well and cooperates. Be happy for me.

All this being said how do you deal with a bitch or an asshole that impedes your every step?
That my friends I will deal with later…because I KNOW they exist.
… I will also deal with the difference between Lawyers and Mediators...