Letting Go And Becoming Self-Reliant

Are you going to go through life as a victim?
…Or are you going to show the world the size of your CAJONES?!

After Divorce or any loss, learning to become Independent and Self Reliant can be one of the most difficult lessons of life.

You first have to go through the 5 steps…
…Denial and Isolation
…Anger
…Bargaining
…Depression
…Acceptance

I went through all those during my Marriage…the Divorce was MY Acceptance.
I went through them yet again…after my Divorce, except the bargaining one….I did it quickly, probably within a few months.

After you get through what feels like wandering in the midst of webs in a fog…you have to move forward and learn to make it on your own.

I was always dependent on someone and had never lived alone.

Note…My Ex was gone often so I learned a few things but how to manage somethings I found challenging.

During our marriage we both had our ‘stations in life’. I was wife who cooked, cleaned, kept the house and children. He took care of finances, cars and such.
I also depended on him to hold me when I was sad or down.

After my Divorce I had A LOT to learn…and I’m still learning.

Even though my Ex and I have an amicable relationship I have only called him a couple of times with a problem.

Note…I say this ‘cause I’m assuming here…I don’t actually recall doing any such thing.

After I moved into my house I got two flat tires in a week.
The first time it happened I removed the owners manual to my Honda Odyssey and read it.
It took me an hour to JUST get the tire off. Those bolt thingys lug nuts were on fucking tight! I was, I swear, jumping on the wrench crowbar, with all the force a 120lb woman can bring. I finally did it, all by my little bad-self.
The second time wasn’t as exciting.

I had never rented a car on my own. I have now.
I can change a regular light switch to a dimmer.

Then there are the finances…we all know I hate numbers and math but I have done well for someone who always had someone to pay the bills…

Note…Ok, he gives me money every month….but I have to manage it and it IS MINE.

I also have a real live financial advisor who manages my investments. Yes, I have funds and such. I have her because I don’t like doing those things…that’s part of the acceptance, knowing what you are capable of dealing with…

One of my stair banisters broke the other day. I fixed it by myself.
My computer got a virus. I got rid of it on my own.

Note…Someone had to help me with my DVD player…I hate shit like that.

I think THE most difficult hurdle to over come is being single after so many years.
To have no one to hold or hold back.
It’s just something you deal with.

I have just told you how independent I am. I have single girl friends that are just as more independent than me.
Not needing anyone is a powerful feeling.
As a female we are meant to be looked after…?
…depend on Men…?

Someone…called me a ‘Man Hater’…
I’m not…I love men.

I just don’t need one.

Note…Just because I don’t NEED one doesn’t mean I don’t WANT one.