I’m not your traditional Mother of 3. I’m not that grounded, I swear like a sailor, although I try not around my children. I’m on my computer a lot and I HATE crafting with them.
I am admittedly NOT the greatest Mother in the world…and I am only a part-time Mom. (‘Cause my Ex and I share 50/50 custody.)
I have a story of an event that took place yesterday…that kinda pissed me off.
My neighbor and very good friend, K (I have blogged about her before, a widowed Mother of 2 and is now 28), comes over yesterday morning. She had a question about her outfit and how to fold her jeans up….I show her how, we chat a minute and K heads out…There is a reason for this random bit of what seems like trivial mindless space taking words, and it has a great deal to do with several events...
K and I have an agreement. She can be at my house and our children can be alone in her house, for a limited amount of time. We have responsible children and my daughter is probably one of THE most responsible 9 year old girls you could meet. She is in charge. We Mom’s are right next door.
Last night my children were over at K’s house playing. It was around 5:30pm. At around 5:50 K comes over to use my printer and share something with me…something VERY funny!
She says…
…”I know what I forgot to tell you this morning! Before I came over about my outfit I ‘googled “FOLDED JEANS". Google it, go to IMAGES and scroll down, you are gonna die.”
I google it, click on images and scroll down.
Side note…Click on a new window and please do it so you will understand the randomness and hilarity that my life and hers contains.
We are busy laughing our asses off at what we had just seen and the door bell rings. It’s the Mother of the girl that lives up the street. I answer the door still laughing.
Her…”Is ___ here?”
Me…”No, she could be next door though.”
She turns and walks away, looking a little put out. I’m still finding our viewing funny and as I laugh like an idiot I tell K…
…”You might want to get home now.”
She heads back….
This morning K comes over after the children have gone to school.
K…”She was pissed!”
Me…”So, fuck her. She didn’t even know where her daughter was!”
We KNEW where our children were...this time;) (I’m not perfect, I’m not gonna throw stones at her glass house.)
K tells me that as the Mom was leaving K’s house she asks her what we thought was so funny. (You DID google it right?)
K tells her that we had seen something really funny and couldn’t stop laughing about it.
I think she was shocked that it had NOTHING to do with her.
As the Mom is walking away she tells her daughter…
…”I’m not mad at you. It’s the parents involved…..”…as she walks up the street.
We are not traditional Moms. This Mom that lives up the hill is married to a Doctor, he’s a resident right now. They have 3 children. They are Mormons (which might be relevant, might not). She crafts with her children.
Her middle child I can’t leave alone in a room in my house. He get’s into everything, opens cupboards and takes all the shit out. He bugs the shit out of me.
Her older daughter is fine, I actually really like her and she is welcome in my home.
The other is maybe one and half little girl.
She could be classified as traditional Mom, plain, doesn’t dress well and WON’T hang out with us.
I’m also sure she crafts with her children…which I find kinda cool cause that means she has patients that I lack…
I’m always in awe of cookie bakin’ craftin' Moms.
She also has no real hobbies, your children are not a hobby…I have more hobbies than Ben Hur won Oscars!
K and I have figured we won’t be seeing her Children around till summer now.
Now let me put on some panties so I can get them in a wad.
On days when the temperature is below freezing her children have shown up at my place with no shoes on. She didn’t know where her daughter was. Her son is a pain in my ass.
K and I do our best to get by with everyday obstacles. We can jump cars and change tires. We know how to do almost anything together…don’t fuck with us.
Our neighbor who decided we were sketchy…has a husband and family around to help her out…
So note to anyone who wants to judge my bad parenting…as to any other portion of my life…
I’m divorced. I have three Children that have NO issues, have parents that get along and can have a beer together. We don’t fight…we ARE “Team Mom and Dad”.
My children are happy, have their shit together and they are healthy. They are clothed-ish properly on most days although when they pick their own outfits they look like ragamuffins.
The Mom up the street should have gone home…taken her pants off…and removed her waded up panties. She probably would have felt better…
In the mean time I’m gonna go panty-less and say “Fuck it!”.
Oh…don’t let your Children Google shit…Holy crap how casually ludicrous was that!
Did YOU Google it yet?
I’m a perv…and I THINK it’s funny!
No comments:
Post a Comment