TCMCEA

As a Parent to a 6, 7 and 9 year old you would think The Tooth Fairy and I are pretty tight.
This is not the case.
I am thinking about writing a letter to the…TCMCEA
The Children’s Mythical Creature Endowment Association

The TCMCEA has many members and they continually rape our wallets for the joys of our precious young.
The members of the TCMCEA you are most assuredly acquainted with…
…Santa
…The Easter Bunny
…Leprechauns
…The Tooth Fairy
You get the idea…

Anyway….
My poor 9 year old daughter, who is my oldest and therefore my evolving experiment in parenting keeps losing her teeth.
I am ALWAYS freaking out about it. I’m not a dentist. I have no clue how many teeth a child looses.

My Three Children had their biannual visit to the dentist today.
I learned several things. My 9 year old has many more teeth she will lose.
…and worst of all my youngest has a jacked up front tooth issue and most likely will be having surgery.

…So back to the Tooth Fairy and why we are not very tight…
She is always forgetting our house.

I know for a fact that there are many houses she likes to skip, to include my Ex’s house, so I don’t feel alone in my dislike of this lazy bitch.
She is supposed to be on a secret night mission.
Is it such a secret that it’s kept a secret from her?
NO! I know she’s been briefed.

I imagine all the consorts of the TCMCEA laying on lounge chairs on a beach in Barbados with fruity beverages with umbrellas in them talking smack about us parents and how gullible we are.
They have to have some sort of income…hell, they are in Barbados…and that place is expensive.
When they signed up I’m sure they were given an allowance for items, or money, or coins…and they are spending it on themselves!
We are gullible ‘cause we are doing ALL the work for them and they are on vacation…365/24/7!!!

What if we parents went on strike?
Do you wonder if the red phone would be brought to them and they would finally have to get up off their asses and do what they signed up for?
‘Cause as far as tooth Fairies go…
I think I am the worst replacement she could have ever picked!

Letting Go And Becoming Self-Reliant

Are you going to go through life as a victim?
…Or are you going to show the world the size of your CAJONES?!

After Divorce or any loss, learning to become Independent and Self Reliant can be one of the most difficult lessons of life.

You first have to go through the 5 steps…
…Denial and Isolation
…Anger
…Bargaining
…Depression
…Acceptance

I went through all those during my Marriage…the Divorce was MY Acceptance.
I went through them yet again…after my Divorce, except the bargaining one….I did it quickly, probably within a few months.

After you get through what feels like wandering in the midst of webs in a fog…you have to move forward and learn to make it on your own.

I was always dependent on someone and had never lived alone.

Note…My Ex was gone often so I learned a few things but how to manage somethings I found challenging.

During our marriage we both had our ‘stations in life’. I was wife who cooked, cleaned, kept the house and children. He took care of finances, cars and such.
I also depended on him to hold me when I was sad or down.

After my Divorce I had A LOT to learn…and I’m still learning.

Even though my Ex and I have an amicable relationship I have only called him a couple of times with a problem.

Note…I say this ‘cause I’m assuming here…I don’t actually recall doing any such thing.

After I moved into my house I got two flat tires in a week.
The first time it happened I removed the owners manual to my Honda Odyssey and read it.
It took me an hour to JUST get the tire off. Those bolt thingys lug nuts were on fucking tight! I was, I swear, jumping on the wrench crowbar, with all the force a 120lb woman can bring. I finally did it, all by my little bad-self.
The second time wasn’t as exciting.

I had never rented a car on my own. I have now.
I can change a regular light switch to a dimmer.

Then there are the finances…we all know I hate numbers and math but I have done well for someone who always had someone to pay the bills…

Note…Ok, he gives me money every month….but I have to manage it and it IS MINE.

I also have a real live financial advisor who manages my investments. Yes, I have funds and such. I have her because I don’t like doing those things…that’s part of the acceptance, knowing what you are capable of dealing with…

One of my stair banisters broke the other day. I fixed it by myself.
My computer got a virus. I got rid of it on my own.

Note…Someone had to help me with my DVD player…I hate shit like that.

I think THE most difficult hurdle to over come is being single after so many years.
To have no one to hold or hold back.
It’s just something you deal with.

I have just told you how independent I am. I have single girl friends that are just as more independent than me.
Not needing anyone is a powerful feeling.
As a female we are meant to be looked after…?
…depend on Men…?

Someone…called me a ‘Man Hater’…
I’m not…I love men.

I just don’t need one.

Note…Just because I don’t NEED one doesn’t mean I don’t WANT one.

Bridesmaids…NOT The Girl Version Of The Hangover!

All this fucking hype about Bridesmaids being some “hilarious” film I’m calling bull shit on.

You get me in the theater telling me it’s a ‘girls’ version of The Hangover???!!!

It’s not.

You want a real review?
It’s a GREAT film about ANNIE, a woman who’s life has not turned out the way she expected.

Note…This is something I GET!

She in Home Dates AKA Booty Call…with a total asshole. Her life is littered with debris from her past and her now.

Note…I saw a lot of myself in her…the whole in Home Dating shit…Hey, at least the guy I in Home Date…now… is…nice. I know he doesn’t want more from me and I am as cool as I can be….but I have decided I can’t get a date and if a date DOES show up they are trainwrecks!…So in Home Dating it is…although I would love to get out once in awhile, with a man and not just my girlfriends. (I’m scared, I think the guy I in Home Date will read this…but I truly understand I am in no way part of his life and won’t push it ‘cause Im ok with it…but if any one asked me out, I would hope it would be him.)

Annie is a poor soul that has had nothing gone right…they way we imagine it to be as little girls. Her business went bust, relationships are crap…and now her best friend is getting married and she is the Maid of Honor.
Lilly, the Woman getting married has a new friend who hinders the way and sabotages Annie throughout the film…in the slyest way.
There are characters I love…the Mom who just NEEDS to get to Vegas..and have some life…
….and others…
The Characters are the real woman I know that is why I love this film.

…but did I go to this film to reflect on my own failures?
NO!!!!

In the end Annie ends up with the right guy for her….not some national secret…the Cop. A normal guy. Who doesn’t want normal?

I liked the film…ish.
No I loved it. It was real life. My life-ish…I just don’t have roommates or a busted business.
I might even have more crap, I just handled it differently.


But it dragged on and on and on…maybe I would not felt it had dragged on if I had known what I was getting into?

Not A Simple Spell To Spin

The Life And Death Of Delilah

I know I’m often called the Anti-Christ but I do have some semblance of compassion.

This is the story of Delilah, one of the sweetest chiwawas that ever lived.

One of my best friends, Kat, lives across the street from me. We live almost communally as we are both single Mom’s to young Children. We sit in my living room messin’ on our computers often not even saying a word to one another, we are that comfortable together. Our Children walk in and out of our houses freely. We eat dinners and celebrate Holidays together.

On Thursday nights our other Neighbor M, will come over and we will hang out and chat, or her husband A will…it’s an open door policy.

Note…A few doors down a new Mom, single, just moved in and to our delight she’s just like us…we are pretty stoked about this.

Our ‘Hood’...

…it consists of 16 houses on a street that ends in a culdesac. There are 23 Children all under the age of 13. The Children that are old enough run around like a gang. It’s an amazing thing and to some ‘old school’, as they play out front and often in a street. Sometimes I hear them Call…

…”GAME OFF!”
That means a car is coming and they proceed to get on the sidewalk.
They play Red Rover and kickball, and sometimes just throw rocks…and then get yelled at.
They ride scooters, bikes and wagons as fast as they can down our hill.
They get yelled at often for a variety of thing to include letting Kat’s uber-sweet Chiwawa out, Delilah.
Delilah is often over at my house playing with all the children and the “Mom’s”.
It’s a great ‘hood’…where we look after each other.

Our Hoods Mascot was Delilah.

The Children would run and play with her freestyle. They would carry her around in a box or deliver her door to door.
Some of the neighbors that we don’t really chat with didn’t even know what house Delilah lived in…Kat’s or mine.
Delilah didn’t run, she hopped to and fro the bell around her neck rattling with every bounce. Like the Children she didn’t go past the stop sign when running free and she would come when called.

This was Kat’s dog. Delilah would sleep with her and loved her. Delilah would lick her face with glee…jump in her lap, curl up in a tiny ball and nap.

Sometimes when we would be hanging at my house Delilah would jump in my lap and attempt to get up all in my face. I would tell her…

…”I’m not your human, Rat, go see your Mama.”

I would call her Rat, she was tiny. It WAS a term of endearment.

The whole hood loved that little creature.

There is another neighbor we don’t hang out with that lives on the corner. She different than us and keeps to herself. She has garage sales all the time which increases the traffic on our quiet domain.

Yesterday some Asshole hit Delilah with their car.
Then…
...they just left.

Kat…”I can’t look at her.”
Me…”I got this.”

I’m not sure when Delilah took her last breath as I carried her limp body wraped in a towel to my MiniVan…
Leaving Kat in charge of my Children…
I laid Delilah gently on my lap and started driving not exactly sure where I was going, calling friends with pets looking for an emergency Vet.
I cradled and protected Delilah not for me but my friend.

I had avoided looking down and then I finally did.
Droplets of blood had steamed from her once perky ears. Her toothsome mouth agape and her eyes peering into an abyss that I could not see. Inside my MiniVan the stench of death permeated the air.
I opened my window and let her little soul out so she could ride the Rainbow with the rest of the Gods Creatures.

If I could have given her the breath of life I would have.

I got to the Vet, tears streaming down my face…of all things in public…not embarrassed at all because I loved that Dog too…and I took care of business.

When I got home the Children gathered around and I had to break the news to them.
The whaling began…
Kat’s 3 year old daughter cried over and over…
…”Delilah’s dead!”
My own daughter was in shock and distraught and I held them both but there was no calming them down. So I left them together on my sofa so I could chat with Kat.

Delilah was a little pup, not just a small one but a young one. She was generous with her love and had a way with Children and Adults alike. She had smelly little dog breath and liked to share it with anyone that would let her up near their face.
I’ll miss her but I’m glad I knew her.

Military Spouse Month…Part 2. The Art Of Keeping It Together

Military Spouses deal with a great deal of stress and distress…I’m sure you can imagine.
The last minute Tdy’s, the deployments.
The thought’s that your spouse might never come back…
…not to mention being a single parent most of the time and having to deal with no ‘Honey’ to cross things off your ‘Honey do list’.

Note…One of my friends is in the Army, Air Assault. I don’t know his wife but he has been gone for 3 years out of the last 5. How would YOU handle that?

I’ll share a couple of stories that only those that have been/are Military Spouses will understand but that those in the civilian world…

I had been married for 4 months and my Ex was headed to the desert. It was June 26th, 2004, he had an over lay at Khobar Towers. I returned home and the phone was ringing off the hook. It was a very sad day. I started that deployment scared but then reality hit me in the face...now I was scared I was going to be a widow at a very young age.
...that feeling never changed from then on.
He had a dangerous job as it was on a regular day even when in the states. Night flying over rough seas, low and slow. Have you seen the movie the Perfect Storm?

The spouses of those on the Pave Hawk/CSAR can attest to the feeling of apprehension.
…3am and your bed is still empty…

When we were at Langley my Ex would be gone 2 weeks out of every month. The disruption of the coming and going…a fucked up schedule.

Note…I might be exaggerating a tiny bit but that is what it felt like.

While we were at Langley he had to deploy. He was going to Turkey for a couple of months, not a bad deployment as far as deployments went. Our daughter had been with us for more than several months…so I was a new Mom. I didn’t have a squadron and the spouses as a support group because he was on ‘Staff’.
It was the beginning of Fall. He was supposed to be back before Thanksgiving.
He would call several times a week at about the time he was to return. Each call he would have to tell me…
…”There is still no replacement. Hopefully I’ll hear some good news next week.”
Thanksgiving came and went…
It was almost Christmas time now and I sat there with our daughter…she had no idea what was going on  as she was a little over one at the time.
The message was still the same…no replacement.
A couple of days before Christmas I made plane reservations for Christmas morning for my daughter and I to head to Florida so we could be with family for Christmas.
New Years came and went…
The same message…no replacement.
It turned into a 5 month deployment. That now a days is not a lot to most…Often when they would go on deployment their return date would be pushed back…but 3 months? That was a first for me.

Note…I may not have had a Squadron to help me but I had my neighbors and friends…Colleen, Jennifer, Leigh, Kara, Tricia and several others…Military Spouses that stuck together in the good and bad times.

Now on some “How too’s” as far as keeping it together…

When your Spouse is deployed you do NOT inundate them with SHIT that’s going wrong or bad. You talk to your friends.
You focus on the positive things happening…not that your child hasn’t had a full night sleep in weeks, therefore you haven’t either.
You lean on your friends.
Do NOT dismiss the power of the Sqd Spouses group. They know what you are going through.
Spouse Deployment dinners are for YOU! Take advantage of some down time.
There are a great deal of things to take advantage of…you will learn these things at deployment briefings…Go to them and learn! If you can’t make it call the CC Spouse the DO Spouse or the Key Spouse, they have the info you need.
Do NOT spread gossip about others you might not like…it gets back to those that are deployed and hurts moral…they are trying to get through each mission…and live to tell about it.

Note…About Gossip. The people that spread gossip often have no idea what they are talking about. This I know for truth. There were many days The First Shirt and I would sit in his office with the door closed discussing the Moral of the troops because of the maliciousness of the stupid and ignorant.

There is NO stigma attached to Anti Anxiety or Anti Depressants. You do not have to tell others you are on them…but know you wouldn’t be alone.

Being independent does not come naturally to some. That’s what your friends are for, to help you.

Note…F1’s Spouse just returned from a 16 month deployment…I hope there was not one day she felt she was alone.


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Military Spouse Month…Part 1. The Art Of Moving

May is the month of the Military Spouse.
I was once, it seems ages ago, a Military Spouse.
The majority of my female friends are Military Spouses.

It’s that time of year that Orders are coming in and the moving begins for my friends, whether across the country or across the oceans.
You worry about what is going to be missing and/or broken on the other end.
You worry about the schools for your Children.
You worry about finding friends for Children AND your yourself.
You worry about little things
You worry about big things.

Note…I can only tell you what it was like for me. Every Military Spouse has their own stories…I wish they would share them with the world…the funny and the ones fraught with distress.

When I got married I moved from my parents house to my Ex’s Condo on the beach. We lived there a bit and then he got orders to GA. We headed up before our move date and found the perfect house. So we could save money our good friends offered up their base house as they were in Vegas for 6 months. The time came and we moved into our perfect little house in GA.

Note…thanks for the use of your house J and D…;)

3 1/2 years later Orders came for Langley. We lived in a rental a few miles away waiting for one of the fabulous Tudor houses on the base to come available. We didn’t need to worry about schools ‘cause we didn’t have children yet…and the schools in that area were/are crap…and he could walk to work. A house came open and we moved…
2 1/2 years later Orders came for Kadena. Across the pond we went with our one Child. We lived off the Base in a great concrete grey 2 story home amongst the Japanese…it was amazing. Then his job changed and he was required to move on base…so on to the base we went. I’m not complaining, just sharing the way it was.

Note…I only know one person that was able to defy that ‘order’…(I HAD to mention it as I swear it’s like you have some Jedi power over people.)
Note of the note…that was a shout out!

3 years later Orders came again, back to GA we would go, this time with all 3 of our Children in toe. We lived in town in a house we both still own together.
2 years later Orders came…off to CO. This time we rented.
Then we split and for the last two years I have been on my own…ever!

Ok…Did you do the math?
13+ years…TEN different residences! (My latest move of course was my own choice.)

Once in the move from GA to Langley….ALL my bowls went missing…?????
Once I told a mover to…
…”Please be careful with that lamp…”
Horrible mover lady…”I’ve been trained to do this and do it well.”
I walk out of the room and heard a crash…That bitch broke my lamp.
Once a mover put our baby grand piano on it’s side and his truck leaked…one ruined and warped baby grand piano.
Once a mover was so shocked with the amount of shoes I owned I could hear him counting loudly as he laughed…(Not all memories of moving are bad.)
Once the mover arrived with my antique dinning room table…with a gouge right in the middle of the top.
You get to the point you know things will get broken and go missing…it’s just stuff.

Movers suck. They don’t care about a damn thing but getting out of there. You will never see them again and they are bottom of the barrel…at least the ones here in the US I encountered.
They would piss and moan when I would tell them I needed help un packing…which they were paid to do. Hell, they just pissed and moaned the whole time and you have to appease them because they have complete control over ALL your belongings.

Note...The best movers were in Japan. They cared and took great care of all our things.

You have to keep your precious belongings locked in your car as so things don’t go ‘missing’.
Garbage bags are great to put towels and clothes in so you don’t have to re wash everything on your arrival.
Following around your movers with a Sharpie in hand is a must…because if you really believe that the box marked “downstairs bathroom” doesn’t have dishes in it?!…you’re probably wrong.

Knowing you won’t see the majority of your thing for several months puts things into perspective and you prioritize what you will REALLY need…and you cross your fingers and toes that there is not a storm and you ‘crates’ don’t go overboard…That happened to someone I know…everything lost at sea the only company…Osama Bin Laden and the fish.

I have friends that can have their house in order in ONE day after a move…It takes a good amount of team effort but it can be done. I think 3 days was my own personal record…curtains hung and all.
There is actually no secret “how to”…
You just do it! You u-pack the boxes and you put things away. You worry about organizing the little things later.

Where you hang your hat is your home.

…………………………………..

All my Military friends out there…good luck on your moves.
I hope all arrives safely, particularly you and yours…the stuff is just stuff.
Love,
Barbie

Ps
See ya soon in Vegas…maybe?