Road Trip: Things Said...

Spending 2 weeks with someone who is not your spouse would normally be considered a challenge. I take that back spending 2 weeks non stop with your spouse might not be cool at all depending on your spouse OH Snap!.

Kat and I are two independent women with insane fantastic senses of humor we think.
So here we are driving across the country with our 5 MoFo’s Children, all of us packed like sardines, trapped and harnessed with not a gag insight!
I think we listened to Despicable Me 9 times…I’ve never seen it though…I think there is some quote about boogers in it?

When we started off, Kat was driving…I ended up driving the whole way after the first day as she saw it was actually something I really enjoyed and relaxed me. Yes, towing 5000++ Lbs is relaxing for me? I love a challenge.

Note…I love driving. I have a whole blog started about TopGear BBC America.

Kat has AT&T I have T-Mobile. My reception sucked! Every am after we got our shit together and were finally on the road she would read me the news…as she sat back with her feet and normally well pedicured toe nails now all jacked up, just like mine…jacked up, propped up on the windshield.

K…”So, Casey Anthony just got acquitted.”
Me…”You are shitting ME!”
….every morning we would discuss the happenings of her where abouts and what WE would do if we were her lawyer…
…The whole plane trip was funny awkward. I would have had look alikes like The cougar that is Padme Queen Amidila on StarWars each one getting off someplace different.

Brittany Spears and her bodyguard and how she farts all the time…

A horse fell into someones basement here in C-Springs and it couldn’t get out…

K…”Holy Shit!___de-friended me on FB! Quick…check if he de friended you too.”
Me…”Yup, me too!”
…yada, yada, shit talk, shit talk and more shit talk! Not really…we felt bad for him and wish he was more mature.

We would see something on the side of the road and I would say…
Me…”What the hell is that?”
Kat…”Let me google it!”

This is the largest cross in the world ———>


The first night in the trailer we climb into our sleeping area we are sharing…in separate sleeping bags…
Me…”When I sleep in the same bed with someone I usually kiss them goodnight.”…
…As I laughed and snorted trying to make her uncomfortable...
Kat…”There is a first for everything…and you won’t be kissing me!"
The second night...
Me…”You come here often? Wanna spoon.”
Kat…”Don’t you dare!You better have panties on too!”
…as we laugh and talk shit about people…we talked a lot of shit. We also talked about how cool we think are and how no one else would be stupid enough to try this…referring to female friends…the male ones are just as dumb cool as us.

Everyday I would bitch, complain mention the difficulties of the hitch…
K…"Thats it…when we get back I’m gonna hook this bitch up to the care with out the Hensely and see how you like towing the trailer!”
…She was serious. That hitch was fabulous and I have a whole blog about it I’m writing but we did have issues…

K as we drove through a rain storm…”I wonder how many accidents we have caused behind us that we can’t see…”
Me…”I don’t know, a corner is coming up…maybe we can see when we are going around this corner!”

All the while we are yelling at the MoFo’s children to be quiet.

The MoFo’s children were dreadfully loud fantastic most of the time.

We started out with one 11 week old puppy and ended up with 2 puppies at the end…
Colbalt, an 11 week old puppy and Pedro, an 8 week old puppy both Chiwawawawas Chihuahuas. Half brother puppies…Colbalt would always let us know if a stranger was around with is sweet weak little bark and Pedro is just a badass motherfucker who has no fear!

Pedro would walk all over the SUV and if we were driven and he needed to poop…he would poop on the Kansas map! So it must be true and everyone knows Kansas is shit.
It only happened twice but we just looked at each other and laughed hysterically as the smell of dog poo permeated the inclosed space and the MoFo’s Children would complain and cover the noses with their shirts.

We talked often about our coolness. We wondered about the naysayers and the haters we have in our lives.

We FB’ed each other like idiots as we sat next to each other…

Kristin 

Not lookin so fine...fat feet and stupid curls… at McDonalds.

July 18 at 12:30pm via Android · 

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     Thanks for the seat tea. It was tasty.....now I need to use the loo. Mind stopping?
    

    July 18 at 12:55pm ·
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     Ewwww...seat tea?! Yeah....ill stop....fosho! Sounds like you have a problem!
    

    July 18 at 1:00pm · 
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     I love this auto-correct! Seat tea is gross, yes. So is sweat tea. What I really appreciated, however, was the SWEET tea.....still need to have you make that short lil convenience stop aka I need to pee....
    

    July 18 at 1:03pm · 
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     What ev! If its pee you can hold it! Oh...and can you turn my seat heater off? Thats not funny! My ass is starting to itch!
    

    July 18 at 1:12pm · 
  • 
    

     I'm no physician, but it is not scientifically possible to contract anything from a heated seat......might wanna get that checked out.
    

    July 18 at 1:14pm · 
  • 
    

     Pass me that stuff you've been using all week would ya?
    

    July 18 at 1:17pm · 
  • 
    

     It's a prescription. Get your own. These co-pays aren't free!
    

    July 18 at 1:18pm · 
  • 
    

     I thought it was neosporin? I'm so sorry!
    

    July 18 at 1:23pm · 
  • 
    

     No worries. You couldn't have known. It'll clear up. With time. Just a mild diaper rash, since you never stop for me to pee!
    

    July 18 at 1:26pm · 
  • 
    

     Maybe if you would stop drinkin big gulps by the dozen you wouldn't have ended with your 'depends rash'!
    

    July 18 at 1:32pm · 

Bathroom breaks...

..."Mom’s I need to go #3!” Did you know there are 3 categories, not 2, to what normally happens in the loo bathroom?

Can you imagine how many times we told the MoFo’s Children to…

…”just hold it a bit longer…”

…And how many times we had to stop?

…And all the gross toilets we encountered?

We had to go over this dam twice…this pic was taken the next morning. The first time we crossed it it was dusk dark and we could hardly see a dam damn thing. Kat held on as I drove and got my camera out…
Kat…”You better not be thinking about taking a picture right now. Just get us across this bitch.”
Me…”Who me? Never!”

We came across people who did NOT appreciate us and our adventure…although they had no idea what we were accomplishing. Yes, we thought of our trip as an accomplishment.
On the way back we saw a sign for wineries…we saw lot’s of signs…and came to the conclusion it was a ‘sign’ for us to stop!
So we got off the exit and drove several miles on a country road to a quaint little town. Parked…and introduced this town to our 5 MoFo’s Children and they way we live our lives…free.
Right after we walked in to this winery, empty of any patrons other than us another couple walked in with thir 2 MoFo’s Children…and one of the proceeds to puke right at the doorstep.
The wife gave us dirty looks the whole time and we were sure she briefed her husband to not even look at us..when our backs were turned...
We tasted wine, bought some wine…tasted cheeses and meats and bought our lunch.
Outside while we are having said lunch this perfect little family saunters out and journeys as FAR away as they can from us.

I took a picture of myself so as to give you an idea of how far people would go out of their way to get away from us...

<——they are way back there sitting at the LAST table they could find.







We would stop at WalMart…campers, truckers and ballsy idiots cool chicks like us are allowed to park there…and grocery shop.
…In one state we discovered you could buy alcohol there…In Colorado you can only buy it at designated Liquor stores. You have never seen 2 women so excited!
We also made fun of the way people were dressed then I caught a glimpse of reflection and thought better of it…as I was not looking so fabulous myself…with one of my many wife beaters I wore, marked with who knows what…and because of the humidity my short hair had stupid curls and my toes looked like sausages...






We laughed our asses of off even as I made wrong turns…

This is us driving on an access road——>
I turned where I thought was the exit. It was not. So we drove several miles…as i made fun of my ’scenic route’ technique that my friends are well aware of…

We did have harrowing moments which will I will be discussing in my ‘Top Gear’ blog…



…the majority of the time we laughed…more than you will ever know wishing that we had video cameras mounted documenting our trip and ALL that was said…
…maybe next time...

Road Trip: Camp Walland

We call this place…

…Camp Walland…(Named after the town my parent’s now ‘live’.)

First a little back ground.
Yes, I’ve traveled and lived all of the world but…
…When I was a ‘youngin’…
...My grandparents lived in a trailer behind a large shop where they had their Antique/Junk shop.

Note…I will discuss the trailer and how it humbles me and makes me think...in another blog…

They were busy saving money for the house of their dreams, which they built bit by bit with their own hands. A three story log cabin in the woods near a lake. (Another blog which I hope to describe how wonderful my life/childhood is/was and well rounded)…

My Mom and Dad wanted something similar for their own Grandchildren and Children to come ‘home’ to. We don’t have a home town. Never have.
…So here we are in what I like to label as the Butt Fucked Egypt, BFE 'middle of nowhere’…The foot hills of the Smokey Mountains in, Tennessee.
My parents moved here 2 and 1/2 years ago when my Father retired from his job on the east coast of Florida, where Disney World was an hour away and the beach a few blocks. I was upset at first…the area had a lot going on for it as a great place to visit…
Last year was the first time I had been here and my Parents introduced me to this place and I fell in love…
…as a place to visit…
…not live!…
Near Pigeon Forge, DollyWood (not as clean as Disney World but still cool) and of course a few min. drive from the Smokey Mountain National park…with swimming holes and ‘rapids’ for us to frolic in.

You drive up the long pebbled driveway and you hear the ‘chirchirchirchirchir’…
…As the pebbles crunch under the heavy tires...slowly, as to not ruin your paint job on your vehicle.

It’s a medium size red brick home, not expansive by a ‘rich’ persons standard but large enough to fit all of us middle income folk…
…When you walk through the front door you are welcomed with tasteful and livable antiques, colourful carpets and I think anyone entering would feel right at home. There is a large indoor living space, with mustard yellow walls where my Mothers art work graces the walls and hallways. 5 bedrooms, an art studio, a large living area, a fabulous purple kitchen and nooks and crannies galore.

…When you walk through the garage however you are met with signs my father has made in his anticipation of having all his GrandChildren visit him at the same time in two years…





All my siblings were there…
Stefania, Mother of Lars, age 2. Husband, Thomas.
Leonard, Father of Brett, 8 and Cara, 6. Wife, Beth.
Thor…single no children at the moment.

On the door to the kitchen

The Un-Holy Trinity that is Me, My-self and I. Mother to BrownNut, 9, LoveBug, 7 and LittleGuy, 6. No Husband.

Also there is my friend and rolling partner sister wife neighbor Kat. Mom of Tiny, 5 and Fatty 3. No Husband.
…and my adopted sister/cousin Janet. Mother of George, 3 weeks old. Husband, Thomas.

You walk out back and you are greeted with a pavilion’esk’ porch.

My Dad made a long farm table, and 2 ‘pup’ benches…My Grandfather had a long ‘pup’ bench and he always sat at the end of it with his GrandChildren to the right of him. He sat their with pride as he teased us…as does my Father now...

My Mom painted the table, some chairs and the benches…in her whimsical way...

Gardens abound, flowers and vegetable…

Len and Thor are crazy ass fun Motherfuckers, just like me.
Stefania and I are the antithesis of each other…most people probably would never recognize her as my sister…I love her though as I do the rest of my family…small moments at a time though I have found…Another blog to go with…
http://behindthebookscover.blogspot.com/2011/07/family-dynamics.html

Thor had been designated…
…Camp Activity Director and Counselor by my Father.

We parent’s were to stay out of the way.

Thor’s idea of a good time is teaching all the children how to shoot bee-bee guns and bow and arrows…safely…so they can go on a hunt for…

…PIGZILLA…

…as stories were told about this monstrous creature that lived in the woods the children cowered and shouted with glee.

One evening Thor and Kat took them on hunt…no Pigzilla was found although I think a trap was made and traces of his existence were observed.

…The hunting continued as the Children learned where food/meat came from…NOT the grocery store…on one afternoon and the next morning as Len and Thor took shots at birds, squirrels and cute bunnies tasty rabbits…
A bird was killed and the bird dog King Charles Cocker Spaniel, Skippy got a hold of it…it ended up as a dog treat mess…
…But the cute bunny tasty rabbit was another story…as all the Children gathered around to see how an animal becomes food…

The Children stood around as Len, skinned and gutted the cute little bunny tasty rabbit…not scared at all I as talked about how it was a perfectly normal part of life and death…and again where humans get meat and how it’s prepared….
Of course my daughter, BrownNut wanted the pellet…the girl who enjoys wearing her coon skin hat around on a daily basis.


Ok, so at Camp Walland fresh herbs grow in abundance so it was as I have described a ‘tasty rabbit’…we also had Chicken that night…3 of them.











Yummy, cute bunny tasty rabbit...





We had many a day trips as well...

Road Trip: Sister Wife? Rolling Partner?

Two independent single women traveling together hauling a 23 foot trailer with 5 children by 5 different baby daddies…

Note…Ok I know mine were adopted…it’s just fun to describe that way sometimes so people can look at us all cockeyed…

The sideways glances, out right stares, unasked and asked questions are hilarious!
Poor Kat.

Note…This was our second stop. I’m not going in order as this is what I feel like writing about right now as my meds make me feel all light headed and crazy. I’m sitting at a camp ground, a KOA, north of Dayton and Kat has taken, generously, all the children on a little day trip to Young’s Dairy Farm so I can write.
I’m sitting at a bleached by the sun picnic table, stained with years of use with 2 puppy chiwawawawas Chihuahuas, which are Kat’s, sitting beneath me.
The sun is beating down and my hair is looking like a much shorter version of Farrah Faucets from the ’70’s all flipped out because of the humidity.
I have music playing…”Back that Ass Up!”…"You a fine mother fucker”…”Drop, drop, drop it like it’s hot…”
I have towels strewn and drying all over every surface I can find.
Kat has been so patient with me and my ways…that’s a different blog though.

On the second night of our trip we stopped at this one camp ground which can only be described as ‘ghetto’.
The reviews were good.
We were finding out that the reviews were probably posted by the camp ground manager using several different aliases.

Note...If I offend anyone…whatever…it was!…and as I will now describe and explain the situation, you will get it…but as always after thought, I have caveats of understanding someone else’s POV (point of view) and situations...

I think it was in Indiana?

Pulling up we notice there are plants situated outside the campers, carpets and statues?! We wonder how long they are ‘camping’ here?

We meet these two women, Tasha and Roxy...
Roxy…”So…are you partners?”
Poor Kat…she hates this question but is compassionate to an extreme.
Kat starts thinking quickly…”If by partner you mean ROLLING partner? Yes.”
She had to repeat it several times as Roxy and Tasha were quickly downing their Busch beers in icy can’s as the two of them explain how they LIVE on this camp ground and had for YEARS!…They are busy paying off this camper, that they live in, by babysitting the camp managers child.

Note...This camper is leveled on the ground by orange rectangle thingys. It looks like it has been there since 1984.

I wonder HOW on earth they got the tires up there?!

Roxy…also repeated 6 or 7 times that Tasha and her have been partners for 5 years.
They sat with us at our picnic table and gave us their life stories...

As we are they are talking they disclose that there are only 2 other campers that don’t live there…they are assuming because these other two campers residents have been only been there for several months each!!!

In my mind I can’t believe people actually live like this by choice…
Is it by choice?
…then I get to thinking…
…They have a roof over their head and seem happy!

…By now a considerable amount of beers has been consumed by these women.
Is it the alcohol they are consuming making them think their financial situation/housing is normal?
What’s normal these days?

They are sitting next to each other…
Roxy has long stringy black hair and is sporting a dirty cream cut off at the arms raggy t-shirt with holes in it as Tasha, also...stringy… blond hair out of the mid 80’s with teased bangs and her blue eye liner…
...starts touching Roxy’s right breast…RIGHT in front of us…
…Kat said later she thought they wanted us to join them…no thank you…not my type, certainly not Kat’s…
 Roxy... “Stop touching me there.”
Tasha...“I love you, can’t I touch you?”
Roxy...“You are embarrassing them.”
Tasha...“I’m not touching you anywhere I shouldn’t…we are partners…”...
…”Plus…I’m now I’m only touching your belly…”

The Children were across the way at a playground acting all crazy and Child like...

Tasha had just moved her hand down to Roxy’s obviously over indulge, fat ample belly…neither one of them were poster women for good health, style or any thing other that can be described as trailer trash?

Note…Who am I to judge these two women who are comfortable in their sexuality and have been nothing but welcoming to us?
They are making the best out of their circumstances and the shit that life has thrown at them.
…I hate that I am sitting there judging and know I will talk smack later about it/them with Kat...

Later Kat points out the top front of the trailer above the windshield in big letters is the campers title header name brand…
…RAINBOW!
We can’t stop fucking laughing. We wonder if Roxy and Tasha are aware. I’m sure they are.
Did they hunt around just to find this particular one?

Several days later as we sitting and chating with one of my sisters at my Mom and Dads which has been fondly named, Camp Walland, Janet says…
J…”You should just tell people you are sister wives.”

Why? Why should we have to explain we are just friends and neighbors?

Forgive me for judging. I’m normal…It’s something I don’t like about myself.
I am no better than these women whose mitigating circumstances have brought them to this place in life.

Family Dynamics

Forgive my lack of blogging.
I thought I would have more time to sit and write either on the road or here at my Parent’s house, Camp Walland.

However…

…When on the road I am busy.
…When off the road I am busy.

At my parents house…

…not only am I busy but every time I pick up my phone spider or turn on my MacBook my father looks at it with venom.

Note…Before my Father retired he HAD to carry his Blackberry and was always on his computer…therefor I should not use mine all the time…because…
My Dad...“what’s so important that you need to get on there.”

I love my family. I am however not taken serious as an adult…
…hence family dynamics…
…lack of blogging…
…not lack of support but more like I should do something more tangible…

So…I sit here and type this in front of my Daddy whom I love with all my heart…and his computer is on his lap!

SO HA!

I steal time hidden away sometimes as I start all sorts of blogs…about all sorts of subjects and people…

…when I get home I will sit and type and type and type…

Road Trip: Part 1, The First Day

Note…The link below was actually my first installment and I will have several more…I’m still figuring out how to tell this ‘story’…and ‘herd' the Goats Children, hang out with my family and find time to pee…let alone sit and write...
http://behindthebookscover.blogspot.com/2011/07/road-trip.html

Tuesday morning Kat and I left Colorado Springs to head on the way to Tennessee (to my Parent’s house) with our 5 Children. I was completely un-prepared in my eyes. I had gathered clothes for my 3 Children and myself and shoved them into cabinets in the trailer.
Food products had been crammed into the refrigerator, freezer and pantry.
I had purchased lunch boxes for all 5 Children, Kat’s 2 and my 3 and filled them with snacks hoping they would let us focus on our task at hand.

We had no clue how far we were going to get or how many pee breaks we were gonna need…or how fast we were going to be able to go hauling a 23 foot trailer behind the Sequoia.
Kat and I in the front. Bug, Little guy and Fatty in the second row and Tiny, Colbalt (the Chiwawawawa) and Brown nut in the third row.

Kat started off driving as I had never hauled anything before in my life, or driven her Sequoia.

Our first stop was at a gas station in Limon, CO…obviously to get gas…we were going to have to stop often for gas, every few hours we determined…$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$…
...I gathered some courage and asked if I could drive. Kat gathered some courage as well and said…
Kat…”yes.”
It took a little getting used to but I found it not as difficult as I had thought.
Changing lanes took some bravery because we couldn’t see behind us…
…We were on an adventure of a life time!

The next stop was in the itty bitty town place of Flagler because Tiny had to pee and it was lunch time. We pulled off and saw a sign for a wild life refuge…

Note…Please keep in mind we are on this trip not only to prove to ourselves we can do anything we put our minds to as Independent Women but to take our Children on an trip they will never forget.

…So this wild life refuge…as I was saying…we start down this road past grain silos and cows…
…Was this the wild life the sign was referring to?…
…COWS?
‘Cause that’s all we encountered. We turned around and headed back towards civilization the road and found a lush playground and parked on the side of the road and let the Children out to stretch their leg and play as we made lunch in the camper to eat on the found picnic table.

We thought ourselves as geniuses…Children don’t want to have to sit at a restaurant after sitting in a car for hours.

We drove and drove, passing the giant wind farm in Kansas.

Note…I love seeing that wind farm on I-70. It gives me hope for man kind and our use of renewable energy…I also think it is beautiful!
 
We stopped at the camp site we had a reservation at…the Sundowner in Selina, Kansas…Later than we had anticipated. It was twilight when we arrived and the registration office was already closed for the night. So we parked and We Kat got to work…
...I was perplexed as to what to help out with and what I would be capable of doing…so I helped stood around pretending Kat with the trailer hitch, worked on dinner as we discovered how we were going to naturally divvy up responsibilities…

That night it stormed like it could only storm in Kansas…as Kat and I clicked our ruby red slippers crossed our fingers and toes the trailer would not tip over in the winds that whipped around up, the heavens opened up and poured down on us…
…As the Children slept we closed windows and discovered We Kat’s trailer had a really good air conditioner…
…We slept like crap but did survive…2 Single Mom’s, 5 Children and an 11 week old Chiwawawawa Chihuahua.

The next morning we knew there was nothing we could not accomplish.

That 1st evening we also had our first encounter with trailer people visitor…but that is another blog…

Thai Summer Menu

Note…Thai food inherently contains fish sauce. Even if you don’t like fish it is an important and necessary ingredient. Don’t smell it, it will gross you out.

Thai Beef Salad

            Green or red leaf lettuce, torn into bite size pieces

            1 bunch cilantro leaves torn, no stems

            1 bunch mint leaves torn, no stems

            2 ribs celery, sliced thinly

            ½ red onion, sliced thinly

            ½ cucumber, sliced thinly

            good tomatoes, wedged, or diced

            1 carrot, thinly sliced

          

Filet of Beef (at room temperature)

            Salt and peppered then seared for 4 min. on each side till done. I like mine on the rare side.

Turn your pan on med. high heat and wait a min. so it heats up. add 1tsp butter then cook that bitch up filet. If you want it more than rare go for 6 min. on each side. You want the meat to rest after you have cooked it…a good 10-20 min. remember you want it at room temp!

Dressing/Sauce

            Juice of 3 limes

            3 Tbs fish sauce

            1 Tbs splenda* brown Sugar

            3 thai chilies, depending on spice level either remove the seeds or keep them.

Mix it all up in a nice bowl...

………………………………...

Thai Summer Rolls

            1 bunch cilantro, leaves only

            1 bunch mint. leaves only

            1 bunch basil, leaves only

            Shrimp, cooked till just pink.

            Cucumber, gulianed

            Carrot, gullianed

            Green Onions, sliced down the center and split

            Avocado, optional

            Rice Paper

Rice paper is a tricky thing but easy to find in Asian markets…It’s thin and translucent and usually round.
Fill a shallow bowl with water and place one rice paper in at a time till it’s soft and malleable.
Remove from the water and place on cutting board.
Fill the center with desired amount of goodies and fold over like an egg roll…or a burrito.
The paper is very sticky and easy to tear. Don’t get frustrated and keep trying…with time and practice you can master it. It’s worth the time, patience and effort.

Serve at room temp. as soon as they are finished. If you are not planning on serving them right away dampen a tea towel and place over them.
Do not let them touch…they will stick together.

 ……………………………...

Chicken Satay

            2Tbs Curry powder

            2 cloves garlic crushed

            1 Tbs ginger grated

            1 tsp brown sugar

            1 tsp fish sauce

            1 Tbs sweet soy sauce

            ½ cup Coconut milk
Long wooden skewers soaked in water.

            2 Lb Chicken breasts cut on the bias 1inch thick.
Marinade the chicken for up to one day or an hour.
Skewer the marinaded chicken.
When ready to cook. Grill for 3 min. on each side. It might take less time…they are thin.

 Peanut Sauce

            2 Tbs Red Curry Paste (you can purchase at any normal grocery store these days)

            2 Tbs Peanut butter

            2 Tbs Splenda* brown sugar

            1 Tbs Fish Sauce

            1 Tbs Sweet Soy sauce

            1 tsp grated ginger

            1 can Coconut milk

            juice from ½ a lime
This is SO easy it’s insane. Add the first 6 ingredients to a sauce pan on medium heat. Cook till the peanut butter melts stirring constantly. Then add Coconut milk….continue stirring till all is incorporated. Turn down to low heat. When ready to serve stir in lime juice…please use the juice of a REAL lime.

……………………………………..

Pad Thai

            1 package Wide Noodles
Cook noodles till done in a rolling boil. Strain and cool with water…add 1 Tbs of Sesame oil to keep from sticking…set aside.

            2 Tbs Sesame Oil

            Green onions sliced on the bias

            Bean sprouts

            1 Lb Shrimp/sliced beef or pork

            1 Tbs ground ginger

            1 clove garlic crushed

            3 Tbs Lime juice

            2 Tbs fish sauce

            1 ½ Tbs brown sugar

            Chicken broth

            

In a small bowl place brown sugar and and fish sauce till sugar is devolved.
Heat a large frying pan and add sesame oil, garlic and ginger and stir…add choice meat. and cook through. Add onions and bean sprouts cook for 2 min-ish. Add noodles and fry up…add dissolved sugar and fish sauce and if to sticky add chicken broth a bit at a time.
Add lime Juice and serve right away.

……………..

Red or Green Coconut Curry

            1lb Chicken/Beef sliced or Shrimp

            2 Tbs Curry paste

            2 Tbs Brown Sugar

            1Tbs Fish Sauce

            1 garlic clove crushed

            2 Tbs ginger, grated

            ½ onion sliced

            Vegetables: broccoli, pumpkin, edamame, shoots of palm, ect…pick one

            1Tbs Peanut butter

            1 can Coconut milk

            1/2 cup chicken, beef or veg. broth

            1 bunch basil leaves torn

        

Saute meat in 1Tbs veg. oil. till cooked through. remove from pan and set aside. Saute 5 ingredients and Peanut butter (you can skip peanut butter if you want…it just adds a nice flavor). Cook for 1 min, stirring constantly. Add onions and veg…cook for 2 min on med high heat…keep stirring…add choice meat…then Coconut milk and broth. Turn heat to low and stir till incorporated. Add torn basil and keep on low till ready to serve.

Note…In the winter I will saute cubed pumpkin and use leftover pot roast.
It’s a super easy recipe so don’t be scared at all! It’s very hard to fuck mess up.

Road Trip

Kat and I are going on a cross country trip from the foot hills of the Rocky Mountains of Colorado to the foot hills of the Smokey Mountains in Tennessee…with 5 Children by 5 different baby daddies…names and ages; Fatty 3, Tiny 5, Little Guy 6, Bug 7 and Brown Nut 9.
…and an 11 week old boy Chihuahua Chiwawawawa…Colbalt.

…it’s bad when we go out here locally together…retarded mentally slow people are always getting the wrong idea. I may be a switch hitter but Kat most certainly is NOT!
Sometimes we get asked…
…”Oh do you guys run a daycare?”
The Children…”Why are people so stupid?”
...
Mother’s day we all went out for lunch, obviously not running a daycare, and people were LITERALLY pointing at us. I pointed back.
Kat is bringing a couple plaid flannel shirts…she’s fucking hilarious.
I am gonna bring some lipstick…
…does anybody get that?

We will be hauling a camping trailer behind us…we have no clue what we are getting into…but think it’s gonna spell…T.R.O.U.B.L.E….and by all the Gods…We are gonna have a blast!…We hope...
Kat…”We can do anything we want!”

Kat’s done a ton of research so I’m not worried about a damn thing but feeding us and driving…and 'herding cats’.

Lines that will most likely be said…

…”I’m sorry Miss all the pull throughs are reserved.”…
Us…”Well, we are pretty sure you will have one more pull through when we leave, our sincerest apologizes ahead of time."

Me…”Kansas is really fucking long."

Us…”Please get out of the way. We really don’t want to have to change lanes!”

Me…”Kansas blows!"

Us…”Fuck! I think that was our turn…back there…there is no fucking way we can turn this bitch around…how far till the next exit and can we back track?"

Me…”You know why it’s so windy in Oklahoma? ‘Cause Kansas blows and Texas sucks!"
Kat…”Is that the ONLY joke you know?”
Me…”Yes."

Me…”Hey! No riding qwerty!”

Kat…”Cool, Bright Orange Barrels…slalom time!”

Todays discussion on our up coming trip…
...that we are still trying to think of a good name for…
Was…
Kat…”I wonder how long we can drive before someone has to use the bathroom?”
Me…”4 hours…we are gonna dehydrate them.”
Kat…”Oh I never thought about that.”
Me…”Yeah well I have traveled the world with my three, it works like a charm and they won’t die of dehydration in a few hours…”

The first leg of our unnamed trip is ‘supposed’ to take 6 and 1/2 hours.
We have a ‘pull through’ reservation at someplace called Sundown? in Selena, Kansas on July 5th.
a few of the rules there…
…No profanity or inappropriate behavior…
…or somefuckingthing like that.

Kat and I would like to invite you along on this yet to be named journey.
Advise will be taken in to consideration…
…Oh I just had a brilliant idea!!!!
I have a twitter account!
So I will tweet what’s going on as well! (I’m old, I forget things)
Sadly and excitedly I am the only one of me in the world I have so far deduced… and I guess will now invite you to follow me on twitter…
Kristin Dallin…yes, that’s my twitter name, very unoriginal.