Dating Advice For My Children

There they were, my three children eating their Monster Eyes (egg in the middle of toast), blueberry bread and strawberries for breakfast. I’m not sure how the conversation started but 'boyfriend/girlfriend’ stuff came up. It could have been them discussing the previous day, Valentines Day and all their candy and cards they had received.

So I have…
E, girl, age 9...
J, boy, age 7...
D, boy, age 6…

D, has had the same ‘girlfriend’ since he met her two and half years ago. I don’t know how or when they declared themselves 'boyfriend and girlfriend’ but much to the dismay of her Mother, F1 and I, they are an ‘item’.

J, does not have a girlfriend, but would like to have one.

E, just sat through the whole chat with a look of disgust on her sweet face.

I am aware that they are too young to date.

D…”It’s easy, you first have to find out their name.”
J…”I know that!…and then ask them if they already have a boyfriend and then if they don’t ask them if I can be theirs.”
J…”I asked ____ if she had a boyfriend and she said she did.”
D…”Oh…then ask someone else.”
J…”I really, really like____though."

I was wondering if he was just keeping his options open.

Fast forward two weeks…

We are sitting at dinner tonight, pasta, sausage and tons of veggies, that include spinach, mushrooms and asparagus in a cream sauce. I had forewarned them that they were not allowed to complain about it.

We are discussing what they had for lunch, fajitas if you were interested in knowing and only my youngest liked them. And…Their good parts/bad parts of the day, a ritual we have had for a very long time.

J says to me…
J…”Mom, can I talk to you privately after dinner.”
Me…”Of course Bug.”

Dinner ends-ish after my girl, E, and I inform the boys at the table they need to eat like humans and not animals…dinner was a success.

J and I walk down the stairs holding hands and sit on his bed.
…”Mom, I really like ____.” She is a beautiful Korean girl that sits next to him in class.
Me…”And…?”
J…”____and I talked about liking each other the other day and we decided we were boyfriend/girlfriend.”
J…”I think I love her."
Me…”Have you told your Dad?”
J…”Yes.”
J…”You can talk to ___parents and Dad about it if you want to but can we pinky swear you won’t tell anyone else?”

I know I’m blogging about this…he knows I didn’t use names and knows I am blogging about it…I asked him permission.

Me…”What do you think being a good boyfriend is about?”
J…”Helping her when she needs it and protecting her?”…with a quizzical look but a wizened voice.
Me…”Yes, it’s not about kissing, it’s about holding hands and helping one another.”
J…”Thanks Mom.”
Me…”I love you Bug.” and we held each other tightly for a moment.


Of course as we get older things change and get more complicated. Kissing is kind of important as is holding hands if we are lucky enough to find someone to hold our hand…
…and other stuff too… Support and understanding goes both ways, 90/10 sometimes but hopefully 50/50 most of the time.
This was clarity from a 7 year old…who will love many ‘girls’ I’m sure in the future…He’s gonna make a great boy friend!